Bad Girls Club Recap: Reunion Part 1

It’s Reunion time y’all. Only this year we get treated to a three parter and I am so excited! As much as I love Tanisha, even I would have been ok with ONE FREAKING REUNION SHOW.

However I have a job to do and I shall do it. Ugh.

WE start off with lots of filler and Tanisha making out like this season was better than a double cheeseburger and a donut. Then we get treated to each girl mouthing off about how bad they are and who they will kill and zzzzzzzzzzz.

Oh and Fallen and J-Bloat have decided that they are better off as friends. That means once out of the house they had dick options. J-Bloat by the way seems to have lost a bit of her bloat and Fallen looks completely different.

Lots of dramatic music is played while each girl makes her ominous threats of revenge. Two by two they meet up at the hotel and since it’s been 5 months since they’ve seen each other it’s a screamfest.

Someone buy that bitch some drawers.

I’m skipping all the past scenes of what went down because, I have a life. Let’s just say that the four who got kicked out(Mobama,Christina,Erika, and Andrea) hate the four (Blondie,Fallen,J-Bloat and Rima) that stayed. No one seems to care about Zuly and whatever that last girls name was.

J-Bloat and Fallen decide they should tell Blondie and Rima about their lovefest. How the hell did they not know already? Rima starts screaming and acting like she’s shocked all to hell. Blondie is confused about how they did it. She asks, “Like vag on vag?” Then she says this……

Seriously how can you not love her?

Back to Erika and Mobama who is then joined by Christina so they can talk more shit about about what happened during the season. Guess what? WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE WE WATCHED IT!

Now I know why this is a three parter. Because apparently the first part is just all these bitches talking shit about what they are going to do if we ever get to the actual reunion!

I am purposely not showing pictures of these bitches because they have all changed except for Blondie, What’s Her Face and Zuly. If we ever get to the actual reunion you’ll see what I mean.

Ohhhh I just remembered What’s Her Names name! Tasha. She seems to have beef with J-Bloat which Zuly doesn’t get but Zuly is pissed at Fallen because of what Fallen said about Zuly being aggressive and biting her lip that first night. Uhhh that’s what you did isn’t it? And isn’t that what you’ve bragged about all season Miss “I’ll turn a bitch out if I have to cause that’s what’s up!”

More yapping about who is mad at who(I refuse to type whom) and if they don’t get to the reunion and Tanisha I’m going to have to take it out on a bag of M&M’s. Or Vodka.

 Or both. Then we will have problems. Or at least I will.

Oh for fucksake Mobama is telling Erika that she is bringing a special bottle of cranberry juice for Rima. Erika aka The Cowardly Lion says she is gonna be pissed at wasting juice. Mobama says she will play it cool until the end and then surprise her ass with it. Erika and her new hideous weave are not impressed.

Why you wanna waste juice when I got all this gin?

I wanted to hold off on showing these bitches but damn. Really? She paid money, and according to her a LOT of money to look like that. Moving on.These two, and Mobama by the way has an equally hideous looking weave, go meet up with Christina and they yap about what all they are going to do at the REUNION THAT IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

Apparently Christina and Rima had a Twitter war and when Erika asks if she’s gonna beat her ass they somehow decide that Christina will if Rima “gets out of pocket” but basically they think Rima is scared because she got her ass whooped so many times. Let’s reflect. Rima was in many fights. Most of which she ended up having her ass handed to her. So to sum up, I don’t think she’s scared to fight or get her ass beat! Hello, it’s like a theme with her.

These dinguses move on to talk about J-Bloat and how she could have been pretty if she wasn’t such an ugly person and evil and mean. You mean like how she manipulated your stupid asses out of the house? And believe me it pains me to admit J-Bloat was good at anything. But she played those bitches like a fiddle. So suck it castoffs.

Seriously are we having a fucking reunion in this episode?

Christina says some crap about wanting to use this reunion to redeem herself but she has no patience and Erika exclaims that she ain’t got to be nobody but herself and that the three of them are gonna run this reunion. That’s never gonna happen.

None of you look like you could run a lemonade stand so suck it.

I’m about to start praying to Jesus that at some damn point we see a stage, Tanisha AND A FUCKING REUNION!

 As we hear voices saying all kinds of bullshit about how bad they are, what they will do, BE AFRAID, we see this…………..

Loading my pistol now.

Ok so it’s a water pistol but I’m loading it with vodka. The M&M’s wouldn’t fit.

Oh shit we must be getting close because the voices are getting louder and we see this sign….

Also known as the Oxygen Magic Wand Room.

Finalfuckingly……………………………….

There’s about to be some shit popping off up in here son!

Tanisha introduces the last 6 standing J-Bloat,Fallen,Blondie,Rima, Zuly and Tasha!

Kissies all around and then Tanisha notices J-Bloat ain’t so bloated. She’s lost 30 pounds.

Only makes me hate her more.

Ok so with the help of weight loss and Oxygen’s magic wand, she’s pretty. I’ll deny it if anyone repeats it. To make it worse she claims she wasn’t even trying to lose weight, she stopped taking birth control and it fell off………….excuse me for a sec I need to practice my breathing…………nope not working I need booze.

Tanisha asks how it felt for the original 4 especially to make it to the end and not be flicked away like boogars.

Who the hell is that?

Really Fallen? Underneath that cotton candy hair you have an actual pretty face. Why do these girls present themselves on the show as horrid sea hags and then show up at the reunions looking…………I’m not gonna say it. YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!

The originals feel strong like bull for going the distance. Especially Rima who Tanisha reminds us was basically out the door. Rima is proud of herself and learned a lot as did J-Bloat. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Tanisha turns her attention to Blondie who seems unaware she’s on the show.

Is that you God?

Close dingbat, it’s Tanisha and she’s wondering why you were all mellow and then lost your shit and started flipping tables and shit. She says she just wanted to make it to the end. And she did! Yay! Tanisha then turns to the last 2 replacements who she didn’t think would last.

Ruh roh the magic wand lost it’s powers.

Tasha was barely there long enough to have a period and Zuly was just a horny creeper. I’m sure they think they were all wonderful and strong and blah blah blah but I really don’t care.

Tanisha asks Zuly why there was no drama. Basically she says because if you don’t look at her sideways she has no need to start drama. What she meant was she was too busy trying to get in every girls pants that she wouldn’t have noticed if someone punched her.

Over to Tasha..she says Fallen and J-Bloat put up walls and didn’t want to get to know her. Tanisha asks her why she didn’t pop off and Tasha says because she’s not gonna beg someone to be her friend and even though J-Bloat was a bitch, they all were. J-Bloat by the way gets tickled shitless at that comment.

Tanisha asks Blondie how she was able to get past things that were done to Rima and she says it wasn’t her battle to fight. Over to Fallen who Tanisha said got on her last nerve, but she liked the fact that she made up with Rima early on even though her crew didn’t. Fallen says she don’t give a fuck what others think. She has her own mind. According to Tanisha, Fallen is the very definition of what a Bad Girl is.

Tanisha then asks Fallen a question that someone Tweeted about why couldn’t she be friends with Rima before Erika left and that she was fake. Long story short, Fallen says FUCK YOU.

Tanisha switches to Rima and asks how she was able to forgive J-Bloat for all the nasty shit she did to her at first. Rima says she has a big heart.

And a giant flabby ass to match.

Seriously what the hell? Where’s all the fighting? What’s with all this love and forgiveness crap? I could be watching Magic Mike and eating pizza right now but noooo I have to recap this lovefest!

Ok now I’m getting ready to slap Tanisha. As Rima is blithering on about being the bigger person, Tanisha says that’s what being a Bad Girl is all about. Learning and growing and baaaarrrrrrrrrfffffffffffffff. NO! Being a Bad Girl is about getting drunk, falling down, screwing people whose names you don’t even know and fighting then puking and being sent home. The end. If I want to “grow and learn” I’ll watch Dr.Fucking Phil.

Some of you may have noticed I am getting a bit grumpy. Don’t worry, I’ll return to my normal loving self as soon as the pills kick in.

Rima continues by saying she’s glad that J-Bloat tormented her because it made her a stronger person. Even Tanisha looks like she smells shit on that one. J-Bloat goes on to say that she grew as a person once she got to know Rima and apologized to her. Am I being Punked? J-Bloat says she wouldn’t have blamed Rima if she’d have slapped her and Tanisha agrees she would have slapped her.

Tanisha tells J-Bloat that the transition was beautiful and she is proud of her. I really hate to throw up good Vodka but I am about to.

Next Tanisha takes us into the way back machine to when things got a little friendly between Blondie and Rima. Christina was horrified.

Do you remember that? No. Do you? Do I what?

By the way, where the fuck did they get this audience from? They look like they are being held captive.

You guys only had to see an hour!

They continue to show clips of Rima and Blondie and how their friendship formed even when Erika was suggesting Rima kill herself. At the end Rima and Blondie are all love love hugs kisses kill me now.

Did you ever know that you’re my hero?????????????????

Tanisha asks Blondie what drew her to Rima and she says the pants off thing. She says she’s like hell yeah we don’t care what other people think, we’re gonna have fun.

Audience doesn’t look so depressed anymore huh?

Rima and Blondie claim they are like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You can’t have one without the other and Rima believes if it hadn’t have been for Blondie she would have left. Tanisha then tells Blondie that she was one of her favorite girls this season.

And now FINALLY it’s time to bring out Andrea!

No one looks happy. And Andrea looks like a street walker. On the south side of Atlanta if you know what I mean.

Nothing spells class like scratching your itchy ass.

Tanisha welcomes her and she mumbles some shit about getting her weave done right. Someone please tell me, do all weaves come with that Mini Mouse bow or does she just add that?

Tanisha asks her how she feels about being jumped on when she was so little. She starts saying she could give a shit and she was jumped and she shoots birds at them all. Rima looks like she smells feet and Andrea basically dares her to pop off. Rima tells her if she wants to she will. The audience looks like this…

I haven’t looked that shocked since I caught my ex husband whacking it on the neighbors dog.

Pay me my back alimony or I’ll tell everyone your name! Sorry, back to the show……………….

Andrea keeps running her mouth at Rima until Tanisha brings up the fact that the reason Blondie lost her shit on Andrea was because she played the “fat card.”

Explain that shit to Tanisha you freaking dwarf.

Everyone is yelling at this point and suddenly Andrea yells out, “Suck my toes.” Even Tanisha is all wtf?

When in a bind, change the subject!