Welcome to BGC Season 9. As this next picture explains, we are here……….
Please don’t tell me vampires are gonna be on the show.
Cut to a girl on the phone who’s clearly disgusted with everyone. Her Mom’s advice is to be mature and don’t do anything stupid. In comes the other girls.
The weave snatcher with her ass crack showing is the one whose Mom just told her to be mature.
This turns into a free for all and eventually the security guards come and break it up. Then we see this.
The water was still blue instead of STD green.
Time to meet the girls. First one up is………….
Please tell me that isn’t Char.
Nope her name is Mehgan and she is offended that most people think pretty girls are stupid and have to fuck for what they get. She proudly tells us she paid for her own tits. She is 21 from Houston,TX.
She tells us she attracts athletes and she has a trick she does called “Around the World” where she hops up and down on “it” and then spins completely around while still staying on “it”. By the way she’s telling us all this at her Granny’s house. Classy. She’s the first to arrive at the house and uses words the bomb a lot. She checks out the others pics and decides she is most definitely the prettiest and has the best body.
Another twit arrives.
She seems so dainty and sweet.
She claims she’s the life of the party and even has her own dance move. Which she demonstrates. It’s called the HJ and she basically pretends she has a dick and is whacking it, switches sides, more whacking, all the while saying “bup bup buh” and as she’s “finishing” she steadily whacks her imaginary penis and yells “blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”. Man she should be on DWTS.
She was an ugly child so now she takes no shit off of anyone. Her car is marked up with key scratches from all the bitches she’s pissed off. There’s something to be proud of. Stupid bitch. Into the house she finally goes.
Hahhahaha I’m starting to like Char2.o because as soon as she meets Julie she tells us that she’s a big ass girl and needs to get in shape.
They head straight for the booze and Char2.0 decides she doesn’t want anyone drinking her booze so instead of putting her name on it she pours it down the sink.
Next two up……..
Another KK wannabe.
Her claim to fame is that all girls hate her because she takes their men and that all her shit is REAL. Then she shakes her big fake boobs into the camera.
Next up is what looks like a hooker.
I thought her name was Fallen at first and that would explain her face.
She claims to be a socialite but I think that’s just a nicer way to say hooker. She and Rima meet up and are instant besties.
That’s just a sad ass picture right there.
They are both from parts of Africa and or Algeria and speak Arabic. And just so ya know, every time you see Falen, her hair will be a different color. And style.
Next up is a way too bleached blonde sitting at a table. She claims to have a brain freeze but I’m pretty sure she’s missing a main component for that to occur.
That’s not your brain freezing, it’s the air in your head getting really really cold.
She hates classy people and likes to dance on bars.
Up to the table comes this one.
She’s always known she was pretty and gets along with everyone.
Christina and Ashley hit it off so much they do this.
They’ll be trying to kill each other within a week.
Meanwhile Rima and Falen arrive at the house to screams of joy. That shouldn’t last too long. Char2.0 tells us she likes the MexiAfrican one but that the other one is gonna need her help cause basically she’s a mess.
Ashley and Christina arrive at the house by speedboat.
The girls are watching from the house and immediately decide they don’t like these two. By the way, Char2.0 claims to be Obama’s stepdaughter and has him on speed dial. What’s the word for that???? Oh yeah STALKER.
Screams and hugs and intros and lots of this.
Well that explains the pudge factor.
While the girls get to know each other, this one just looks like she smells feet.
I can’t tell if she’s scared or constipated.
Oh hell here comes the last bitch. Prepare yourselves.
She claims she turns into a monster and girls don’t mess with her.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Damn bitch don’t sneak up on me like that!
Ok I don’t care who you are that nose pierce thing looks like 2 boogers hanging out, and when you have a “challenged” face to begin with, it’s worse. Oh hell she’s a big bitch too. She could snatch up 2 of the skinny ones and throw them in the ocean.
I think I’m gonna like her.
Char2.0 runs up to her announcing they are both black and hugs her but behind her back she calls her a big beasty bitch. Intros all around. More shots being done and yet again Char2.0 tells everyone Obama is her step Dad.
Later they have a house meeting. Rule number 1. Don’t touch my shit. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaa!!!! Rima tells everyone to speak one at a time which is impossible for these twits and she finally screams like she just got reamed.
Oh great they decide to go around and explain why they think they are Bad Girls. Julie thinks that a BG has her own identity and is very sure of herself. Ashley just wants to have fun. Christina says she doesn’t have to explain herself to anyone. Erika considers herself to be bad just cause she says what she feels and that’s real. Char2.0 says that this is her life and every night she party’s drinks and fucks. Ohhh step Dad must be proud.
One of them says there has to be more to her than that and she says, “Barack Obama is my step dad.” This pisses Erika off who is tired of Char2.0 acting like she’s royalty and she says to us “You are Char’s step daughter cause that’s who you look like.” I knew I liked her. Then they show a split screen.
Back to Rima who tells us she has been through a lot of shit and she can be psycho. Falen tells us she doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her cause she’s been through death and all kinds of shit. OK. As Falen is talking Julie sees that Christina is laughing and says this…
Because she wants to?
In confessional Christina says it’s basically none of the bitch’s business and she thinks Julie is fat and not cute. To Julie she plays it off like she didn’t know what she was asking her and then explains that she laughs a lot so don’t worry about it. Everyone goes their separate ways, Julie and Ashley to kitchen to make fun of Christina and drink more. Rima and Falen to bathroom so Rima can continue to bitch about being interrupted when she is speaking.
Downstairs Erika and Char2.o are talking about the others. So far Erika likes everyone but Char2.o says she is usually the bitch so she’s not used to being surrounded by them BUT that she and Erika have to be friends because they are black. Erika almost chokes on her noodles.
Char2.0 says that Rima is cool unless she finds out she wasn’t being real and then she’s gonna have to “check” her. Erika tells her she thinks Rima is for real and likes her. Anyone fallen asleep yet?
Time to get ready to go out!
Hahahahaha Blondie busts ass!
Much laughter ensues and they finally head out to the club. Once there they drink, they dance, they scream and have fun. Until SourPuss Julie starts trying to get the others to not like Christina. She goes from girl to girl saying she’s fake and blah blah blah. As they are leaving the club, Rima hears, “black people music” and starts to make a run for it. Poor Blondie tries to keep up, however……
She bit the dust again.
And then at the next club……….
I don’t think she can.
Once inside Rima jumps onstage and starts shaking her ass as do some of the others. Everyone seems to be having fun until Rima does this.
I smell trouble and ass.
Char2.0, Falen and Julie are all outside on the curb because they are embarrassed. They can not figure out why someone would show their ass like that. Let me give you a hint. IT’S THE FUCKING BAD GIRLS CLUB NOT A CHURCH SOCIAL!
Char2.0 tells us that Rima is a slore. That’s a cross between a slut and a whore. She’s clever! More trash talk about Christina just as she walks out. She gets in Julie’s face because Julie tells her not to run her mouth and Christina tells her to do something about it and before you know it Falen is in between them, Julie is still sitting her ass on the curb and Christina is spitting at her. Eventually Christina gets close enough to Julie’s face and Julie shoves her, all hell breaks lose and Christina then shoves Julie back who screams like she’s on fire.
Blondie’s drunk ass starts screaming that Christina is her best friend and I swear she’s gonna cry. She doesn’t understand why these two are fighting but since she also doesn’t seem to understand gravity it’s not a shock.
This part gets confusing because my DemonVR glitched but for some reason Christina is telling “Elaine” that she has no more beef with her. Whatever.
Rima comes running up and says she needs help with Erika cause she’s beyond drunk and I am assuming passed out because Rima needs them to help carry her ass to the limo.
Char2.0 says she’ll come check on her but she ain’t carrying her no where.
Erika is on a couch and some dude and Rima walk her out to the limo. All the while Erika is mumbling, “Rimas care bout me.” I love drunk people.
Rimas is mys boo boo.
Meanwhile Christina tries to explain to Blondie the reason she was fighting with Julie. I have a feeling this girl can’t follow a conversation while sober much less drunk off her ass.
Meanwhile SourPuss ChunkyButt Julie is still running her mouth about Christina.
Then do something besides talk behind her back and sit on the curb bitch.
I may end up hating Christina but so far I haven’t seen her do anything to cause BubbleButt to be this pissed. Did I miss something?
In the limo Christina tries to make peace but can’t quite pronounce misconceptions, Julie snidely helps her out but when Christina says they can now be friends BubbleButt says, “You just stepped to me. We aren’t gonna be friends.” She “stepped” to you because you were talking about her behind her back.
Meanwhile Blondie is drunk, Erika is drunk and Rima wants to see cute boys. This annoys Obama’s step daughter no end, by the way, did I mention Brad Pitt is my ex husband?) and she doesn’t want to be affiliated with her in any way!
Finally they arrive at the house and everyone piles out. Well almost everyone.
People start getting ready for bed, and other things when Rima remembers Erika.
Don’t worry Erika me and my real boobs will save you!
Rima,Falen and Char2.0 grabbed Erika and put her to bed. Where she continued her coma.
This gives Falen and Char2.0 an idea. They shall tp her, squirt toothpaste and hot sauce on her and basically defile her as she sleeps.
Meanwhile Blondie and Rima are having a party of their own in the hot tub.
I’m sure they were just checking each other for cavities, or checking their cavities?
Back inside the defilement of Erika begins.
Ohhhh I hope she wakes up and strangles some bitches!
The next morning Falen, Char2.0 and Julie are talking about Christina. Julie claims she’s the baddest bitch in the house and Christina better not fuck with her or she’ll get her ass rocked. Does that mean you’ll stand up this time when you “rock her world?” Shut up or put up skank. According to Julie’s version she called Christina out, no you got caught talking behind her back and then she says the reason she didn’t fight in public was because she didn’t want to go to a Mexican jail. Girl you are a lot of things but a Bad Girl ain’t one of them.
Then Char2.0 talks about how much of a ho Rima is and how she’s just an extra.
Erika wakes up and at first seems pissed. She goes to Char2.0 and Falen and accuses them and they deny the shit.
Punch the fuck outta Char!
Damn instead of getting mad she actually starts laughing. It makes me like her more although I loved how scared Char2.0 looked. Erika actually gets that this is the BGC and shit is gonna happen if you let your guard down. Plus she has plans to pay them back. Something tells me they won’t take it as well.
While getting ready for the day, Char2.0 decides to ask if Rima showered. When she says no she’s going in the water Char2.0 tells her that makes 2 days in a row that she hasn’t showered.
Look bitch I am trying to make the fish feel at home.
Julie yet again starts in with Falen and Char2.0 about how they are the only 3 people who showered that morning. So? Some of them are going in the jacuzzi. Ok not showering for a couple of days is nasty but seriously people, do you know how many dudes have probably jizzed in that jacuzzi before you came there? It’s called chlorine. It’ll kill anything, except my ex husband, I couldn’t hold him under long enough.
Erika over hears this convo and she goes and tells the “nasty” ones what’s up. Rima takes off calling “Obama” and asks her if she called her dirty. She tries to deny the exact wording but then calls her a bitch and then it’s on.
Oh look they’re doing yoga!
In between shots of them fighting you see shots of them hugging and declaring themselves to be besties.
So what do you guys think of this years crop?
Until next week,
Love & Smooches,
To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter. You can post your favorite lines right back at us. If you want to play games and socialize, like our Facebook page! We’re also now on Pinterest and Tumblr! Thanks for being a part of the gasm!