Well finally! It’s time for the last installment of the Reunion From Hell. When we left off last week, Erika the Beast was straddling J-Bloat on the couch and telling her to stand up. Kinda hard to do with a beast cooter in your face.
OMG I hope she had that nasty thing covered.
When security finally pulls the Beast off J-Bloat I see that she does indeed have undies on and she’s having to adjust them. Gross. She asks Fallen if she tried to jump in and Fallen yells “NO!”. Christina tells Beast that she didn’t and to “keep it pretty.” Fallen did NOT try to jump in UNTIL she saw the security folks. Then she pretended.
Sit your useless ass down.
The Beast keeps yelling, “What’s good?” Nothing about you so shut up. J-Bloat asks for her shoe and acts like nothing just happened. I have a question. How is this a fight when J-Bloat never even had a chance to defend herself? Beast jumped up and pinned her ass and then grabbed her by the hair. And if you look at J-Bloats face, she doesn’t have a mark. Not that things would have been much different if J-Bloat had gotten up because she can’t fight for shit but still. That was a punk ass move.
The Beast starts yelling at Fallen about her knocking on her door that morning and yelling shit about “where them bitches at?” She tries to deny it but the Beast makes a point when she says that Fallen is a smoker and she’d know her voice anywhere.
Mobama hops in with her version of why she and J-Bloat came up with the plan to get Erika out. Erika doesn’t care and when J-Bloat tries to speak she tells her to shut up “log off”. She asks her if she wants to get her head bashed in again. I don’t think she could do it again. I’m sure Fallen would throw herself over J-Bloat to protect her. Snort.
Tanisha decides to change the subject to talk about sex. Oh man do we have to? Especially because they are gonna talk about J-Bloat and Fallen’s lovefest.
May I just say again….eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Tanisha says they were living on the down low and then she shows evidence. Tanisha asks J-Bloat when she started catching feelings for Fallen. She says in Atlanta. J-Bloat says she’s bi-sexual so this was no big deal for her. This wakes up Zuly fast.
By the way when they were showing the J-Bloat/Fallen love scenes, this was the Beast’s face.
I hope no one’s wearing red.
Fallen seems to be in denial about the whole thing and Tanisha asks her if she had a problem with it because of her strict upbringing. Yes and she’s never ever had feelings for a girl before. EVER! Except for Zuly’s first night in the house when she hopped into bed with her.
Rima said it happened because they were sluts and that J-Bloat cheated on her when they were married. Tanisha saw the “wedding” and acts impressed. She asks if they have hooked up since and they say no. They are just friends. BUT they would be open to a threesome. Applause all around.
The conversation just keeps going about J-Bloat and Fallen and when asked, Tasha says she had an idea but she wasn’t going to tell anyone.
Like OMG! Tanisha is speaking to meeeeeeeeeeeee!
Tanisha turns to Zuly and says she puts the Les in lesbehonest! Zuly says she gets what she wants. Really? Because I’m pretty sure you wanted J-Bloat and that never happened and you dogged Rima for weeks and only got her once. Cut to scenes of Zuly kissing everyone in the hot tub and other gross out events. Zuly just keeps yapping about how smooth she is and how she seduces and blah blah blech! She’s always been attracted to women. I have a question. Can we get back to fighting please?
Tanisha points out that Fallen thought Zuly was too rough and she agrees and says she bit her. Tanisha says maybe she was hungry. LOL.
Tanisha asks Rima if it was good and she says no because they were all drunk and that sex with her boyfriend the first time was horrible and it happens. Now Zuly is all offended and says if it was so bad why were they moaning and it’s her job to please women and she’s good at it.
Ya know what I’m good at? Skipping shit that bores me! Oh jeez, Tanisha asks Zuly who was a better kisser, Rima or Fallen and asks if she needs a refresher. This dude almost soils himself!
Why is Will Smith at the BGC Reunion?
Zuly gets up and kisses Fallen, who then wipes her mouth off and then she sucks on Rima’s face and almost falls on Tanisha.
Back up bitches!
Tanisha acts like she’s getting all hot and bothered. Then she turns back to the Beast and asks her how it felt to do the walk of shame after doing the Pretty Girl Bounce on Rima. Beast says she didn’t do no walk of shame because she didn’t lose that fight. Tanisha reminds her she saw tears.
Please try to raise up on Tanisha. I beg you!
Beast claims the tears were because she was really close with Christina. She says she had started to get cool with J-Bloat but……. J-Bloat says she was cool with her too! So where did their love go wrong? According to J-Bloat she,Mobama and Fallen were all sad to see her go. Beast doesn’t buy it and this is why. From day one J-Bloat and Christina had it out and Christina was her girl. J-Bloat would talk shit about Christina and Beast would tell her not to but she was cool with J-Bloat. Then J-Bloat and crew hatched the plan to get rid of Erika behind her back. She goes on and sanctimoniously talks about how she was always real with the bitches and didn’t hatch no plans. Well you got played so live with it Beast!
The Beast isn’t finished. She says J-Bloat kept telling her to talk about Rima’s kid. The Beast refused to do so. J-Bloat says but you did and that’s why y’all fought. Tanisha reminds her that SHE put the bug in Rima’s ear to get them to fight. The audience claps. Why is J-Bloat back tracking now? Oh yeah she doesn’t want to get beat up.
When J-Bloat says anything Beast starts yelling, “Log out, shut up, go sleep you tired ho.” The audience boos. Tanisha wants to know wtf log out means. Beast explains. Beast goes on to say that Rima admitted to her that she was being fake but “They” didn’t show that.
Mobama starts saying that Rima was flippy floppy and the same day they Rima threw the cranberry juice on her they had been hanging out on the beach and they were cool. Then that happened and Mobama was like DAMN. Rima says she thought they were cool too but she didn’t think Mobama was being genuine with her. Tanisha says something tells her that J-Bloat was behind the demise of Rima and Mobama. J-Bloat says they hated each other on sight and she had nothing to do with it.
Tanisha tells J-Bloat that during that fight she was very emotional and she didn’t even get hit. She says it’s hard to be that close to someone and then disrespect them. Beasts face says it all.
Tanisha asks Rima why she hated Mobama. She says she never did she just felt judged by her. Mobama wishes to say something. She says she’s gonna be a grown woman. She tells Rima she doesn’t like her BUT she apologizes for judging her and she appreciates the fact that Rima is keeping her cool and maybe they could have been friends if she hadn’t judged her.
How tight is that freakin’ rag on her head?
Tanisha says that Rima did a lot of shit to piss her off during the show, namely jumping on Andrea but Rima showed her heart throughout the show and she commends Mobama for being a real bitch and apologizing. Now Rima has started to cry and I’m starting to think I’m watching Dr. Phil.
It’s so hard to be so misunderstood! Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Tanisha says no one knows what they go thru in that house. Yeah we kinda do. We see it every week.
Tanisha again asks Rima why she’s so emotional and she says the whole time she was on the show she was judged and no one got to know the real her. Tanisha says she understands and then she cuts to clips of Mobama and Rima. At first Mobama and Rima are talking about how they are the prettiest and the other girls need to get it together and then it goes south and they fight and destroy each others crap.
Tanisha is all OMG! She asks Mobama if she thought she was the prettiest in the house and she says yes but she also thought Rima was pretty. Rima doesn’t know what to say to her. Someone from the audience says, “They speechless now.” Then the audience starts booing the girls. Rima says honestly whatever issues she had with Mobama are dead and so what.
Again Mobama has something to say. She says all season everyone called her fake but the bitch she didn’t like on day one was the bitch she didn’t like in the end and she never flip flopped on her friends and she didn’t talk shit. J-Bloat has interrupted and Mobama says WHAT? J-Bloat says she damn well did talk shit and Mobama says J-Bloat talked shit about Fallen.
J-Bloat denies ever talking shit and Mobama wants them to show the clips. They don’t. Tanisha asks her how she felt when they threw all her nice shit in the pool. She says she has a lot of nice shit and she works hard for it and that Fallen stole 2 pairs of her shoes, her lotion and her perfume and she found it all in Fallen’s room.
Look bitch I didn’t steal your lotion or your perfume.
As Tanisha points out she didn’t mention the shoes so that means she stole that shit. Tanisha asks J-Bloat if she ever stole anything and she says Mobama left a David Yurman bracelet and she took it but gave it to a homeless person when she got home. Tanisha is all, damn David Yurman is expensive. She asks how Mobama feels about that and she says it’s cool, for now. That means she has plans. Evil plans.
Tanisha then asks Mobama if she thinks Fallen is a broke bitch. She says yes. Then starts back tracking as everyone laughs. She says she doesn’t think she’s dirt poor but anyone who has to steal is broke. Tanisha says she looks good today and Mobama agrees. Tanisha is now over this and is moving on.
Tanisha tells J-Bloat she talked mad shit in the house but she’s all quiet here. J-Bloat says what bothers her is that Beast is mad at her for scheming to get her out of the house, which is fine, but if she feels that towards her why doesn’t she feel like that towards Mobama? Beast says she told her she wasn’t cool with Fallen or Mobama and that her crew wasn’t cool with them either. Tanisha tells J-Bloat she is not promoting violence but she saw someone different in that house. J-Bloat basically says she has grown. Awwwwww. Beast says it’s because she’s not in her confessional and they are all right there in her face. J-Bloat goes on to explain herself but it’s hard to listen when this is all I see,
Guess she hasn’t grown any.
As J-Bloat keeps yapping about her growth and playing the game the way she wanted to, finally I agree with the Beast about something.
You’re still a hideous Beast.
Tanisha notices that Mobama has a bottle of cranberry juice. She says it’s for Erika but she can have some. Erika says Tanisha can get a cup and have some. Tanisha is all confused.
Mobama stands up and says she’s gonna keep it G. She says the juice was for Rima but now that they have made up, it’s for the bitches on this couch. She tells Tanisha to move if she doesn’t want to get wet and Tanisha says she is wearing Calvin Klein and she don’t play that and runs like hell as Mobama saturates J-Bloat and Fallen.
Feets don’t fail me now!
Mobama squirts the juice all over J-Bloat and Fallen and then J-Bloat makes a run for her and bust ass and then they are fighting like hell. While security is trying to get this shit under control, the Beast is dancing. Suddenly Andrea says, “While we are at it…” and she has a bottle of mustard and squirts the shit out of J-Bloat.
Awww she looks good in yellow!
J-Bloat takes a swing at Andrea, promptly busts ass and Andrea beats her about the head. Hold up, on further investigation, Christina and Andrea take a swing at J-Bloat and down she goes. Security runs in and breaks it up again. The Beast celebrates some more and Tanisha yells out…
Where the hell is a hot dog when you need one?
Andrea is laughing,Christina is laughing and chanting, “Hot Mess Express”. J-Bloat looks a mess for real. She says she knew it was coming.
Can’t say you didn’t earn that.
Tanisha asks if everyone is ok. Yes. She tells J-Bloat she still looks good. Erika says she looks a mess don’t lie and Tanisha says ok your hair is a little flat but otherwise you still look good.
Tanisha wants to know why Andrea got involved and says, “Cause fuck this bitch.” She says she was plotting and scheming. J-Bloat says she knows why they did it and acts like it’s no big deal. The Beast would like to punch J-Bloat again but Tanisha tells her they don’t do that when people are down. Mobama says she is down and Tanisha says no you aren’t. Yes she is cause she broke a nail and it’s bleeding and she needs to get to a hospital. She keeps saying she is dead ass. She needs a hospital. Tanisha reminds her that this is her show and then we all hear some noise off stage.
Someone is saying “Julie, birthday girl, where you at?” That someone…………
Mobama leaves the stage and Erika can’t stand not being the center of attention and tells the guys that J-Bloat and Fallen were eating each other cooters all summer long. J-Bloat tells her that’s old news.
Found a hot dog!
Tanisha also has some cupcakes for J-Bloat and she feeds one to the stripper dude.
You better feed one to Tanisha.
Stripper dude gives J-Bloat a kiss and everyone applauds. Except the Beast who is pissed. As usual. Tanisha says that there was a lot of stuff that pissed her off this season but there were some good times too. J-Bloat agrees. Tanisha gives kudos to them for knowing that it’s not always about being loud and shit. Maybe not but it’s a lot more fun that way.
Tanisha asks them if they would do the BGC again. The Beast gives a mile long answer but basically yes because she don’t mind beating up a few more bitches. Oh shut up. Christina says 100% and this time she will have a night light. Fallen and Andrea would. J-Bloat would and she would not change a thing because she grew and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Andrea laughs and says “You wouldn’t change a thing? That’s why you look like you do now. We got you.”
Shut your flaps you irritating squab!
The Beast tells J-Bloat it ain’t about growing it’s about how she can’t hide behind her confessionals and she was scared she would get her ass beat but it happened anyway. Yes we have covered this several times now so SHUT UP.
Rima would do it again but not the same way. She says she’s not the same mother that she was before. Awwwww.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Blondie would do it because she had a blast but she too has grown up and is no longer a child.
Bless her heart.
Zuly and Tasha would do it again but Tasha would like to start from the beginning so people could get to know her. Tanisha thinks it was a good reunion and then has them bow their heads in a moment of silence for all the snatched weave. And the fact that she didn’t get any juice.
Lord Bless our weaves and get me some juice. Amen.
Tanisha continues by saying she is sorry she didn’t get any hot dogs or tacos or a chicken fajita. She thanks the Lord for the cupcakes and naked men and asks that the ass whooping J-Bloat received that day guide her and show her that if you talk that shit you better be able to back it up. Then she apologizes to God for cussing. She asks that God bless these bitches Amen!
One more thing, Tanisha wants the Beast to show her the Pretty Girl Bounce. Beast gets up and starts saying “I don’t understand” and flipping her hair and dancing. What.Ever.
Beast says one more thing. She tells Rima she did not talk about her kid and she knows it and she doesn’t have any beef with her. And…………they hug!
There’s no hugging in the BGC!
This makes Andrea want to get up and hug Blondie.
Tanisha tries to get Christina to hug someone but she hates Rima, Fallen, J-Bloat and Blondie so no. She does however hug Tanisha who asks her not to choke her.