Basketball Wives LA Recap: (Insert Politically Correct Title Here)

41 Comments

1. 1
   sheesh
   Posted September 11, 2012 at 2:43 pm

   Hi, I’ll be here with ya for the whole thing as soon as starighten out Rodel that the new season is indeed underway.

   I like all of the nicknames and I don’t even think you need the “spice” (it’s gotta be a bitch to type “spice” 72 times a recap)
   Oldie-ole girl will always throw a twist into the most innocous conversation
   Wimpy- don’t count her out, she will throw down compton style with the quickness
   Homewrecker-truly the hooker with a heart of gold
   Sister- sigh…she will never have anything without Matt
   Scary sister- I love Laura REAL TALK! hehheeeee

   I don’t know the other girls yet.
   Good start. I hope you like this show and it will be a fun one to recap.

2. 2
   featherhead
   Posted September 11, 2012 at 2:53 pm

   I’m so glad you’re recapping this. Love this crazy show! I see Tacky Jackie is still Wacky!!! I remember some rumors from last season I think Gloria slept with Laura’s dude and that may be why the sisters haven’t spoken in a year. Glad Jackie’s daughter finally ran from her controlling mother. That may make 2 out of 2 daughters that hate her. I watched the marathon yesterday so I am refreshed on the cray cray that is Jackie Christy. When she told Malaysha that she was always her favorite – I thought Here she goes again with the lies…

3. 3
   Madelyne27
   Posted September 11, 2012 at 2:54 pm

   @sheesh, I’m recapping this with kid gloves bc I don’t know how far to go. As Jeff Ross says “too soon?”. I always say its never too soon. Typing the “spice” is just an auto-correct, so I can change that. I type OWS, computer types Opportunistic/Whore Spice. East-Peasy-Lemon-Squeezy. Did you count 72? Or did your computer? Either is impressive.

   Thanks for being my first comment, I’m sure my mom is glad it’s not her.

   What type of dog is your pic? I have three Pekingese. And I love two of them.

4. 4
   Madelyne27
   Posted September 11, 2012 at 2:58 pm

   @featherhead… Ugh. You read my recaps…I bow in honor I’ve been reading your comments on other shows and always love you. I’m just honored that you are reading mine. (gay moment over)

   So Gloria cheated on Matt with sister’s man? Holy sht. I live in Orlando. I should go out more. (read, ever).

5. 5
   featherhead
   Posted September 11, 2012 at 3:02 pm

   Awe!! Thank you! I’ll read ya all season, keep them coming!

6. 6
   Madelyne27
   Posted September 11, 2012 at 3:05 pm

   @featherhead and Grimm too? (a btch can be needy, right?)

   I just want some of the “stars” to start reading too… So use twitter to send them to the tvgasm site. We’re poor, but rich in love. Okay. Not love… But we’re dedicated.

7. 7
   sheesh
   Posted September 11, 2012 at 3:07 pm

   No counting..guessing.
   I have no idea what kind of dog Fluffy “the destroyer of worlds” is.
   I just think he is the best representation of me…serving attitude, but it is so ineffectual because..look at me.

   I heard that Gloria slept with Laura’s man too. Nasty.

8. 8
   Madelyne27
   Posted September 11, 2012 at 3:17 pm

   Who is Laura’s man? I live here. Why don’t I know? Don’t these ladies wanna hang with me? Fkers.

9. 9
   suebrz
   Posted September 11, 2012 at 3:40 pm

   Ok Madelyn,
   You (and sheer boredom) have sucked me back into the shallow, caddy, dark underbelly of faux fame, badankadonk, and gold digging. I hate the backstabbing, and poor manners. I hate that their clothes don’t fit, I hate their jury (jewelry to the rest of us) and most everything about this show. But alas, I can’t look away.
   I’m prepared to grow some extensions, get out the Lee press-on’s, a box of Ho-Ho’s and ride out this category 5 storm with you. Let the fake hair pulling and punching begin!

10. 10
    featherhead
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    @Madelyne27 – of course I read your Grimm recaps too! You are doing an awesome job of recapping two shows. I don’t twitter but my friend does, I’ll get her to hit these chica’s up for you. I’m not sure who Laura’s man is, I’ll see if I can find out. I always thought it was odd that Laura stored all of her stuff at Imani’s house instead of her sister’s.

11. 11
    Madelyne27
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    @featherbed. Again. I am honored that you waste your time at tvgasm them way God intended when He wrote John 3:16. Twitter is scary and the things I want to post aren’t even close to the things I think about posting.

    @suebreaz. I’m glad your boredom brought you here. I hope it keeps you and envelopes you with the love that only fake hair and nails can provide. Come to the light. Envelope the light. There are Twinkies on the dark side. Never forget.

12. 12
    Classy Drunk
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Laura’s man is Gilbert Arenas.

13. 13
    Madelyne27
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    Oh sweet. Sounds logical. Bc Matt Barnes and Arenes were both in Orlando (and oddly not calling me) at about the same time. Thanks for info. Bc it makes more sense. Might change my mind about Sister Spice if she did that with her sis’s man.

14. 14
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    @madelyne27, I watch all incarnations of BW, so I’m glad you’re recapping. I didn’t read the Grimm recaps, mainly because I didn’t watch that show, but I love the nicknames and the fact that this season will be another Jackie bashing.

    But does anyone understand what an “urban model” actually is? Is there a such thing as a “rural model?” Or, as you mentioned above, that was just code for porn star?

    I have to say that I can appreciate that this show, and mainly all the Housewives iterations, have become vehicles for these greedy bitches to have a side hustle. Gloria with the “cookbook,” Draya with the “swimwear,” etc…. I can’t hate on the marketing, but getting a check and getting your product out there, is easier than paying a marketing firm for doing much less.

15. 15
    Madelyne27
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    @Derek. I think urban model means you can have a fat cellulite ass and still be a cover model. Which I’m all about. Because if fat asses and cellulite are good, then I’m the most Urban model ever. Or should I say eva?

    Just FYI, I only write this recap to promote my new evening swimsuit jewelry fragrance outerwear line. It’s called Black Sweaty Velvet If You Sleeves. It also raises money for my fav charity KWIP. (Kids Without iPads).

16. 16
    Classy Drunk
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Why does Mrs. Jackie’s weave still look so bad? With all that money it should look better than that.

    The episode was pretty boring, but I’m sure that will change.

17. 17
    Classy Drunk
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Draya definitely isn’t fat. she actually has a hot body. Now Opp Spice has a body where it depends on what you like. You know like what sir mix a lot was talking about….

18. 18
    Madelyne27
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    Oh @classy. I know all about what sir mix alot liked. He liked to sift the flour because here we go. And he also liked him some baby with back. Which all lead us to loving baby back ribs. Homewrecker Spice is none of those. She’s tiny and cutish. OWS is sir mix a lot’s dream.

19. 19
    thunderpussy
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    had to join to jump in on the comments… I could never get “into” the LA cast, loved me some crazy ghetto Tami Roman, but I’ll try…

20. 20
    thunderpussy
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Laura Govan looks like a drag queen.

21. 21
    thunderpussy
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    actually… 3 out of 6 look like men in the group photo… I’s scurred…

22. 22
    Madelyne27
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Oh @thunder (Can’t. Type. Rest. Of. Name. Too. Up. Tight). I couldn’t watch it either. But with my org chart, an open mind, and the ability to judge others. Together we CAN watch this show and mock them and love them and find ways where we are better than they are. It’s a matter of willpower. These women frighten, yet intrigue me. Let’s play their game. (just don’t buy any baby “jury” or mint swimwear.

23. 23
    thunderpussy
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    hahahah …. ” we CAN watch this show and mock them and love them and find ways where we are better than they are.” but you can’t say pussy.

    yes we CAN… wonder-twins ACTIVATE… form as ice pick… I will have to catch it on demand or the 237827837287389728 times Vh1 will rerun it. I want to see a new season of the Miami bitches so we can watch “Chad” headbutt Evelyn. Now that is TV I can get down with…

24. 24
    Madelyne27
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Thundertwins power. ACTIVATE. form of. A coherent sentence.

    Wait Miama what? Housewives? I saw first episode of new season. Scary plastic surgery mom is a hot mess. Can’t remember other names, but (lowering head in shame) have seen every episode. So maybe I might just not know names. Chad? Like a hanging chad? Are you mocking Florida voting abilities? Bc I take offense. We might be idiots. But we leave pregnant chads. But not hanging chads. (yes, I’ve gone to my own funny, happy place. Wimpy Spice is here. We’re riding unicorns).

25. 25
    Lightningpussy
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    Alas, I have found some sistas to go on about these African he-she’s. I think I can do this. I hope there’s a suicide like on BH (too far?)

26. 26
    thunderpussy
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    nooooooo the Miami Basketball wives… the originals… with Shawnee O’Neill & Evelyn Lozada…
    chad ochocinco aka chad “johnson” was engaged to Evelyn even though he’s a football player… and recently head butted the bitch but refuses to give her a divorce…

    oh it’s DELICIOUS…

    http://www.vh1.com/shows/basketball_wives/season_4/series.jhtml

    and I own a dog. No Virginia there is no Santa Claus.

27. 27
    Madelyne27
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    I did not know about a Miami version to bball wives. But I have been following Ocho Chimichanga’s headbutt to his new wife. I realize she is upset. But I think he deserves another shot. Haha. Pun intended. Bc spousal abuse is always funny. Never too soon. As you say. Delish. (my daught taught me that it’s totes co to not fin words).

28. 28
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    Well, as my due diligence for this shitfest, I went to check out Draya’s website that she popped bottles about. It looks as if the “press” for it hasn’t been updated since May 28 (who knows if that’s 2012) and there looks to only be four styles of bikinis. Actually, it looks like one style in four different colors. I was actually somewhat impressed by seeing it on the show, but it’s actually fairly annoying to navigate and there’s not much to it.

    http://www.mint-swim.com/

29. 29
    Madelyne27
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Only way I’m clicking on that link is if someone can promise me that Old Spice is modeling the bikinis. There is no other reason to drive traffic away from this site. Ever.

    Watching last night’s Hoarders. Gadz, I’m a fking amazing housekeeper. I don’t have one frozen cat in my fridge. #reasonsirule.

30. 30
    thunderpussy
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    and with that! I say goo….
    talk tomorr…

31. 31
    Madelyne27
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    Oh @thunderpu. You slay me.

32. 32
    sheesh
    Posted September 11, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Damn 31 comments…we haven’t even gotten into this shit yet.
    Nice.

33. 33
    Jimbob Jones
    Posted September 12, 2012 at 12:05 am

    I swear to God when I saw the picture, I thought this was a recap of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

34. 34
    kthxbai
    Posted September 12, 2012 at 1:29 am

    @Madelyne27 You’re off to a great start! Don’t worry about your whiteness. If you need a reference frame watch Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. They’ll make the Basketball Jumpoffs Wives look like the Belgravia Rose Growers Society.

    I was so Team Draya last season. Because some of them were so mean to her. So I’m kind of disappointed that for her opportunities she picked “hosting” and fug bikinis that are a perfect fit. For a 32 B. As long as the 32 B never gets in the water.

    I don’t think underboob’s a problem for Brooke though. Since you could near about see underboob in that dress she had on.

    My friends don’t get jealous of fat asses reminded me of a true story. 1 time this cute African guy passed a friend of mine in the street said “mm you got some big legs.” She came home and cried! Even when people tried to tell her it was totally a compliment.

    If anybody thinks Gloria’s polenta is corn bread she’s not making it right. It’s an old school African food with a different name in every language there. “Pap” is probably the most popular. When it was brought to the USA South it got the name “grits.”

    I wonder how much extra Malaysia’s getting to make speeches about Jackie.

35. 35
    classy drunk
    Posted September 12, 2012 at 4:54 am

    I think I am still team Draya, but we’ll see how the season unfolds.

    These girls get a couple grand to “host” parties. Which really means a club appearance. The Real World kids do it all the time.

36. 36
    Karen
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 10:40 am

    I love Draya…and I think Laura could be a good fun person..Gloria is just a hood rat with new money and stuck up thinking she is better than everyone else.

    I absolutely DESPISE Tami “ghettobully” Roman and Evelyn Lozada…I am glad chad head butted her and YES I will stand up as a woman and say if he actually did it to her and not the other way around, cuz we all know she is a damn psycho..then GOOD FOR HIM.. strike one for Jenn, Royce, and poor Keisha..now go find Tami and head butt her too. I will send you bail money!

37. 37
    Madelyne27
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 11:39 am

    @kthxbai, thanks for the “jump off” reference. I don’t know what that is… But I’ll assume it’s like any sports whore. Been there, done that, was rejected.

    @classy drunk, I can’t be Team Draya bc I haven’t seen a redeeming quality.

    @karen, when can we go out for a drink… Or seven… Bc I don’t have all the info you do, but I’m all about a chick that agrees a swift head butt can do wonders for a marriage. But I have no clue who Jenn, Royce, or Keisha might be.

    What a fun season… Sadly, my morning tweet is ruined…. Bc I did do more work today than I did yesterday. Damn you Karen.

38. 38
    classy drunk
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 11:59 am

    @ Karen, I agree with your whole post.

    LoveS Draya and I despise Tami and Evelyn. I won’t watch BBW Miami because of Tami and Eve.

39. 39
    Madelyne27
    Posted September 13, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    I guess my current issue with Draya (as I don’t know what a jump off is), is that I’m a 36 FFFFFFF. That may not be exact. But close. And I’m not FAT. I’d be like an OWS model. But white. And unwhorish.

    Y’all explain the rest of the “ladies”.

    Also, how do I apply to be a “hostess” and make LA money? Bc Red Libster isn’t paying sht.

40. 40
    Xanadu
    Posted September 14, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    great recap! i love the spice names, i dont even have to try to remember who has what nickname, i can just look at the pics and tell, haha.

41. 41
    whitetrash
    Posted September 17, 2012 at 11:09 am

    these ladies are an absolute train wreck. i don’t have cable, but will gladly read your recap each week to satisfy my guilty pleasure.