Next scene, Wimpy Spice, Gangsta Spice, and Scary Sister Spice are at a restaurant, and Gangsta Spice appears to have decided to not wear pants. They all get along and talk about “shimmer” and stripper names. Wimpy Spice’s eyes are half open and she has this smile on her face because, once again, she’s the reason people are getting along.
Oh, so pants were optional. Damn, I totes went all pants.
Gangsta Spice invites them both to come see her rap at her next show. Scary Sister Spice says she hopes it’s “meat slapping” rap. (I’d pretend I don’t know what this is, but oddly I love old rap and booty music too. I’m an enigma.)
Hey Bambi, Trident called. They want their gums back.
Really Bambi? Do you want me to think you’re a man too?
Next up… wait for it… yep, it’s Wimpy Spice again. This time with Scary Sister Spice, sans Gangsta Spice. They are having some ice cream and talking about Scary Sister Spice’s relationship with her sister, Sister Spice. I’ll need some help here, because I’m not sure why they haven’t spoken, but in comments on past recaps, I know there was rumor of one of them sleeping with the other one’s boyfriend.
If Draya can wear underpants on her head, I can wear sweatpants on mine.
Wimpy Spice tells Scary Sister Spice that if she doesn’t make things right with Sister Spice that Wimpy Spice will do it for her. Hey Wimpy Spice, the United Nations called, you’re late for work.
Voice overs, twins, UN, Jackie… a girl needs to rest her weary head.
(Take the sweatpants off your head.)
A phrase I will oft NOT say is, “poor Homewrecker Spice”. But for this, I say poor Homewrecker Spice. She drew the short straw and has to have lunch with Old Spice. Old Spice is sitting alone, completely over dressed, playing on her iPad. Homewrecker Spice comes in and looks like she took about 2 seconds to prepare for this lunch.
This is the face of dissociative identity disorder.
They immediately start clashing and Old Spice just looks crazier and crazier. Almost manic. She’s talking really fast and kinda mumbling to herself, while Homewrecker Spice looks like she’s trying to keep up with the personality changes happening at their table.
Holy batsht, I forgot to put underpants in my hair.
Old Spice starts calling Homewrecker Spice a “sht stirrer” and that she looked crazy and then called all the ladies “little chickens at the ranch” while Old Spice is out there making movies. But Homewrecker Spice shouldn’t worry because Old Spice still likes them all. She’s just moving forward. Homewrecker Spice wishes someone else were there because no one will believe how insane Old Spice is acting (yes, we will) and Old Spice goes slightly more batsht crazy at the thought of Homewrecker Spice telling everyone that she said a bunch of weird stuff. “Draya, you’re so cute.” Huh?