Basketball Wives LA Recap: This Episode Is Brought To You By Jackie’s Cleavage

Recaps

By Madelyne27 | Wednesday, September 19, 2012 | 5:00 pm | 6 Comments
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Posted in: Basketball Wives, Recaps

She compares Old Spice to a foot fungus that you itch and itch, but once it’s healed, you kinda miss the itch.

 “Jackie is like an STD, just when you think it’s gone… BAM… it’s back.”

Scary Sister Spice looks so cute in her white shirt and jeans as they get up to leave. Then I see Old Spice lean in for a hug and see what the fashionista herself has chosen to wear and it looks like her skirt got stuck in her Spanx after going to the bathroom.

Easy there, Jackie… I have no desire to see your family jewels. 

 Cute outfit.

 Not so cute outfit.

 I’d pay for there to be toilet paper stuck to her shoe.

Old Spice is so happy that Scary Sister Spice gave her a big hug. I’d feel bad for her, except I really don’t think she’s working with a full deck. Her reality might be more attuned with Wimpy Spice and the rainbow connection.

We’re back at another photo shoot for Opportunistic/Whore Spice and I have no idea what she’s wearing, nor do I need to know. The guy in charge of this shoot makes sure that we all see the magazine cover and that the name of it is stated repeatedly. He has a lisp and I hate him immediately. So obvs I wish he would be in every episode.

 Really, did I not get the earring memo?

Sister Spice shows up in the same glasses that Homewrecker Spice wore during her “website launch”. Opportunistic/Whore Spice tells Sister Spice about Homewrecker Spice’s behavior at the last shoot and I’m hitting my “meh” point in the show.

 Oh, so this is a shoot for a legit magazine.

Um, yeah… not so much.

But when Opportunistic/Whore Spice interviews, I’m again wondering why she doesn’t always do the understated thing.

 So much prettier.

The final scene begins, (phew), and we meet Gangsta Spice. She and Wimpy Spice are hiking in day-glo colors that I find disarming. It just goes to prove my point that Wimpy Spice lives in a world of rainbow Skittles. Gangsta Spice loves using the word “gangsta”, but I like her so far and like her voice. Her grammar, well… I can’t even quote it because my computer refuses to let me butcher the English language that much.

 TJ Maxx called, they want their active wear back.

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Madelyne27

It's never too soon. It's never too far. And it's never the wrong time.

6 Comments

  1. 1
    Moli Moli
    Posted September 19, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    I haven’t watched this season(yet) but you had me in tears in a couple of moments and laughing with my head thrown back and clutching my stomach is several more. This was a GREAT recap :) .

  2. 2
    Pari
    Posted September 19, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    I haven’t watched this episode either, but I feel like your recap was way more entertaining than the actual episode would be!

  3. 3
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted September 20, 2012 at 9:19 am

    @Madelyne27 It sucks that you got such a crappy episode this quick. I had lots more fun reading your recap than watching it.

    Draya didn’t fool me. Last week she said the real reason she didn’t want to shoot with Brooke. Draya’s got T and A. But Brooke’s got J and B.

    If Brooke’s man likes Gangsta Spice’s shimmer that much. To where he’s giving her presents. That means presents for us! Of better drama than Jackie being batshit crazy.

    Laura sure has fallen off! I think she looked better before though. Even prettier in her face. Not everybody’s cut out to be a skinny bitch.

    Sorry for not getting back to the other thread sooner. You’ve probably already figured out the word anyway. It can mean a side piece and or skank and or random hookup. You know how the rules for slang words are loose.

    Anyway it was a radio presenter that 1st called it Basketball Jumpoffs. Talking about the original BBW. Where the only married 1 had already started her divorce up.

    The way I used it was just me being a smart ass. Because on this 1 I think 2 or 3 of them are actually married. And the others aren’t really jumpoffs. Just exes and baby mamas etc.

  4. 4
    vecchiogio
    Posted September 20, 2012 at 10:56 am

    I haven’t watched the show yet this season but this recap (and last week’s) are incredibly well done and insanely funny. I laugh now everytime I hear the word “spice”. I seriously doubt the show is more entertaining than this. Great work!

  5. 5
    Madelyne27
    Posted September 20, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    well, it appears that @kthxbai and I are the only ones watching this cinematic gem. I’m totally stealing the term “jumpoff” in reference to chicks that i can’t stand… (there are many).

    thanks for reading, i’d love to say the show is worth watching… hopefully it will get better (and by better, i mean much, much worse).

  6. 6
    thunderpussy
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    I too didn’t get a chance to watch either, so excited to watch now that I hear it was boring… agree with Pari… your recap was funny (as always) Been busy this week so my DVR is so full of trashy reality goodness it lost about 10 I.Q. points. Should I bother watching or just BALEET.

    i was really disappointed to find out that these broads weren’t actually married to basketballs… Well, Jackie “might” be (GET IT???? CLEAVAGE JOKE)

    is that a thong on Draya’s head? Did she and her nerdish friend attempt to create the perfect woman?

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