NO, BTCH, IT’S MY PARTY… SO STOP CRYING.
Early the next morning, Scary Sister Spice and Opportunistic Spice meet at Jump Cut/Out for breakfast… is that a place only for jump-offs? Anyway, they talk about Old Spice and Homewrecker Spice and I’m getting so bored with this non-fight. Thankfully, Scary Sister Spice brings up Gangsta Spice’s concert and I wish to myself that Opportunistic Spice and Gangsta Spice would get along because I like both of them… But then I start crying because I realize I just may have found myself invested in this world that horrifies me.
Jump-Offs Restaurant, Coming Soon.
Scary Sister Spice says the show was good, but then goes into trying to explain Old Spice’s outfit. And I’m sure Opportunistic Spice can’t even imagine it until she saw this week’s episode. Because words just can’t describe it. Opportunistic Spice says that Old Spice is a “project”… yes, a science project.
I agree. This whole lunch is meh.
Opportunistic Spice says she’s planning a birthday pool party for herself, and I find my heart rate picking back up because I’m dying to see these ladies get their hair wet… but who am I kidding. No one will swim. (And by will, dare I say can?)
Gangsta Spice, Wimpy Spice, and Homewrecker Spice meet up at Waffle Chix and Wimpy Spice asks why Homewrecker Spice would beat up a senior citizen. Nice one, Wimpy Spice. Someone fed you a great line. Gangsta Spice wishes that she and Opportunistic Spice could get past their differences and move on…
Chix be wafflin’.
Wimpy Spice talks about Old Spice’s behavior at Gangsta Spice’s concert over missing her mom because she and her mom used to party together. Homewrecker Spice asks if this partying happened in 1950. Another well fed line. I’m enjoying the new writer. Homewrecker Spice is tired of Old Spice always trying to steal the show. Wimpy Spice interviews that Old Spice is nice, it’s just the other people in her brain that aren’t quite as nice. (Seriously, someone give the new writer a raise, he’s doing my job.) Wimpy Spice says she needs a break from Old Spice because she feels like Old Spice is using her and then just dismissing her.
Small, Medium, and Large… but backwards.
Oops, probs should not have taken that extra Xanax.
Oops, probs should not have taken that extra Shimmer pill.
Wimpy Spice states that she will not be going to Old Spice’s wedding and then goes on to tell us which body part she had waxed during Old Spice’s wedding last year. Whatever part it was, it was bleeped out, so I’m gonna pretend she said “eyebrows” so that I don’t have to pour boiling water in my ears.