You’re a psychic? No, I’m a giant.
Homewrecker Spice asks Attila the Hun the psychic if it’s a good idea for her to move her family to LA and the psychic assures her that it’s a fantastic idea and that nothing could go wrong with having her parents and her son all dependent on her ability to get knocked up by a baller.
You really think he’ll leave his wife for me?
At Eleven, Old Spice and Doug are meeting with our fav restaurant manager, Mirel de la Torre, and boy does he have some surprises for the men couple. After meeting a “sexy bartender” working with no shirt, they head upstairs to get a sampling of what the go-go dancers will be doing. Old Spice was shocked that one of them was a girl. And a very pretty girl at that. She thought that there would only be male dancers. (Yes, Old Spice, because only men are gay… you’re so progressive.) The girl is in gold and black garters… the guy is in purple. And I shade my eyes because I was not raised to appreciate men in purple bikinis. But I looked too soon and saw that purple bikini dancing in a cage and I blushed in the privacy of my own room.
Dear Diary, I’m not in Kansas anymore.
Mirel pretended to love the couple. Old Spice pretended to love the dancing. Doug pretended to love Old Spice. Old Spice interviewed that Doug was enjoying it a little too much, and that made one of us. Because I didn’t enjoy it at all. Give me a well-dressed guy over a guy in a Barney-purple bikini any day. Old Spice thinks they are living outside the box. And now I’m thinking about living outside the bun and kinda want Taco Bell. THEN Old Spice interviews that the wedding is going to be “bananas” (cut to guy in bikini, UGH!). “Everyone is going to see a different side of Doug and I.” It’s me and Doug. Idiot.
I love carrying a purse.
Why did you bring your purse?
Look, my purse is bigger than her head.
Dear Diary, I need a purse to cover my head.
Old Spice then surprised Doug by telling him that Chani was going to be there and be the maid of honor. Doug seemed to have a weird reaction. Maybe he was just shocked that Chani said yes, or maybe it was because he didn’t know if Old Spice was being delusional or not… I’m not sure; it just seemed off to me.