I can’t believe Laura dissed me on Twitter. (She did, and it rocked.)
I don’t know how to spell Twitter.
My burps last like Skittles.
Wimpy Spice says Homewrecker Spice really loves Old Spice and that she needs Old Spice because Old Spice strokes her ego. Homewrecker Spice says she needs lots of things stroked. Homewrecker Spice looks really drunk and she and Gangsta Spice start making googly eyes at each other. Wimpy Spice tells them to kiss, and they do… when they’re done, Homewrecker Spice looks like she made out with John Wayne Gacy, while he was in his clown make-up.
Draya, if you wanted some gums, you could have just asked.
I kissed her gums, and I liked it.
Over at some canyon, Scary Sister Spice is stretching before she and Old Spice go on a hike. Scary Sister Spice says she’s looking for ledges to push Old Spice off. Old Spice goes into delusion number two for the evening by explaining why she behaved like an idiot at the pool party.
People in Florida don’t stretch like this. Ever.
Scary Sister Spice talks about her meeting with Gangsta Spice and Old Spice interviews that Scary Sister Spice wasn’t being really clear about why Gangsta Spice had an issue with her bullying. Old Spice doesn’t realize that Gangsta Spice doesn’t like Scary Sister Spice because Scary Sister Spice talks so badly about Old Spice.
What’s in the bottle, Jackie?
Old Spice needs to go to Washington to sell some stuff and wants to invite the girls to come with her. Scary Sister Spice says she’ll go if she gets paid. Old Spice says of course she’ll get paid.
Old Spice and Doug are packing for their trip to Seattle. They are both from Seattle. Old Spice says that she’s excited to see the two daughters that can’t stand her and also because the ladies are all coming. She asks Doug if he wants to be involved in some family time and he’s all “no thanks, I’m planning to hang with Doug”. I don’t know if “the Dougmiester” is himself or a son. Old Spice also needs to visit her mother’s grave.
I can’t believe I’m still listening to this cow.
Old Spice mentions that she might throw a slumber party for the ladies while up there, and Doug is so friggin’ excited. I think he likes any idea that involves him having less time with Old Spice. He’s such an awesome husband. He listens to her and offers good advice, all while knowing that she won’t do a single thing he suggests. He thinks the slumber party is a good time for a “confession session”.