Bethenny Ever After Recap: Ludicro-sity (new word, mine)

Yay, Nick!  Bethenny has discovered that Nick is a comedy goldmine especially when he’s in awkward situations like eyebrow threading, so now it’s time for YOGA!!!  Bethenny strips to her tank and yoga pants, and Nick compliments her both incredibly awkwardly and gangsta-esque at the same time.  “Can I say something without offending you?  You’re lookin’ very good in that top.”

At the end of the yoga class, Bethenny advises Nick on how the class is a great place to pick up hot chicks, and I guess that was meant to be some sort of justification for them doing yoga together, but I don’t buy it.  In an awesome déjà vu, my roommate is once again having a sleepover (same girl – he’s a gentleman), and I once again laughed out loud uncontrollably, at what can only be described as a cross between a frog and a balding wookie doing yoga.  The entire time his eyes are about to pop out of his head as he strains not only to do the poses but look to Bethenny for guidance.  And just so I don’t sound too bitchy (Nick is an awesome writer and has some serious balls to subject himself to this shit at ALL much less on national television), I looked exactly the same on my first yoga class, but I had the good luck for that to have happened in college and off camera.

Aaaahhhwookiesoundaaaah After that delicious morsel, I’m punished with a simultaneously boring and annoying segment about Bethenny’s closet – excuse me – dressing room.  Andrea, the closet “designer,” is there with Brooke and Bethenny and they discuss things like whether Bethenny’s scarves and bags should be on display or put in drawers, and whether or not the vanity she has in her current office that Jason built is too “loud” for what is intended to be a “quiet” space.  That last one was Brooke-speak, if you couldn’t tell.  Basically the entire scene was one of those discussions that make you hate rich people – let’s take all this minute shit seriously!  Normally, I don’t feel that way watching Bethenny, but after listening to that exchange only to have it end with her complaining to Brooke that the place is a money pit made me want to punch her in the face for the first time all season.  Truth.

And now for the second time!  We move from the new apartment to the old, and Bethenny and Jason sit down to discuss options for the move.  We all remember from last week that Jason announced that the new tenants wanted to be in within 30 days, so Bethenny and Jason had to be out of the Tribeca place by then.  Since there’s no way that the new place will be ready, this means they have to find temporary housing or extend their current lease.  For some reason, this problem – so miniscule for so many people – is mountainous for these two.  Why they can’t just find a damn sublet, put some shit in storage and leave it at that is beyooooond me.  Anyway, Jason’s handling most of the logistics with the whole thing, but things aren’t moving fast enough for either him or Bethenny.  He’d like her to send a few emails because, apparently people listen to her more than they do him (OUCH), but Bethenny doesn’t understand why she has to send emails when Jason is supposed to be taking care of everything.  So, as if it isn’t bad enough that Jason has to admit to his wife AND to the nation that people take her more seriously, she makes him spell it out for her.  Eeesh.  I don’t even think she knows she’s doing it.  They eventually, without getting into a massive argument thankfully, decide they’re going to contact the other couple about changing the lease date so the Frankel-Hoppys can stay in the Tribeca place a bit longer.  Just give them a cameo – I’d do that for a cameo.  Commercial!

In the first scene of the episode, Jackie and Julie mentioned to Bethenny that they’d scheduled a meeting that would include Jason and go over the immediate itinerary for the business and establish a diagram of who was doing what jobwise with the exits of Julie and Maggie.  This!  Is that meeting!  And it’s kind of awful!  I can really see why Jason is on the fence about working with Bethenny.  It’s not that she’s a bitch, it’s not that she does anything any other successful business owner would do in the sense of being super-organized and very focused, it’s that when you’re married to someone who owns a business, that’s probably not the side of their personality that turns you on.  As Bethenny corrects Jackie sharply on a mistake with the Shapewear Line (fuck you, Zarin!), and then lasers in on Jason telling him THE TIME HAS COME for a decision RIGHT NOW, I can see why he’s dragging his feet.  He says he wants to work “with” her, not “for” her, and instead of lying to him and telling him that, like Bryn, Skinny Girl is THEIR baby, she straight up informs him that Skinny Girl is her company and her idea, so he’ll have to be able to “sit with” working for her.

I mean, these ladies obviously love it. I have to say, I’m not offended by this behavior, but again, I can see why, if my spouse were like this, I wouldn’t want to be around it 24/7, and with Skinny Girl, that is exactly what will happen.  Eventually, everyone decides that with the Aspen Launch, the novel, the Shapewear, the apartment and more cocktails rolling out, the best decision would be to hire a new intern for six weeks during the holiday season.  And Jason lives to fight another day…