Amber shares she hopes they have a calm, rational conversation. HAHAHAHAHAH
Kristin starts by saying “I have a lot to say and don’t want to be interrupted so if there’s anything you want to say –”
To which Amber responds:
Oh sorry! Can’t hear you!
BTW what the hell is that green glop with tapioca balls in it?
Amber asks why Kristin is being “mean” to her.
Kristin then initiates the “discussion”:
“I heard you’ve been badmouthing me and how I conduct my business. I can’t have someone I referred doing that”.
Amber: “I call that speaking the truth”.
By the way, may I interest you in one of our smoothies?
Kristin: “I was in the hospital with IVs in my arm! I had a parasite”.
Amber: “I would love to see the documentation”.
What, my vomit?
Amber: “People saw you taking tequila shots, wine, and then you went to the nightclub. So if you want to call it a parasite that’s fine. I call it a hangover. Put yourself in my position. How would you feel if you saw me taking shots, getting drunk, went out to the club –”
PARASITE! PARASITE! PARASITE!
Kristin: “First of all I was not drunk. I’ll tell you that right now”. And I was never drunk back when I was drinking. Nosireebob.
Amber: “I didn’t get a text from you until 2:30 in the morning”.
Kristin: “That’s when I left the club. I was with Shayla (and Drunky) and I said something is wrong”. Oh something was wrong all right. It’s called mixing your liquor. Tequila and ANY OTHER LIQUOR = trouble.
Amber: “Why were you at the club when you had to be at work (early)”?
Kristin: “Because I can”. Wow, what irrefutable logic. Also completely untrue. She goes on to say “I’ve never had alcohol affect me”. Really? Check out the screenshots in my prior recaps then. That should set you straight.
Amber: “You’ve never had alcohol poisoning before?”
Kristin: “No, I haven’t”.
Amber: “Feels a lot like food poisoning”.
Why didn’t I say malaria?
Kristin goes on to share that Amber can kiss her ass for saying she had alcohol poisoning, and aloud shrieks that Amber is the “biggest f-cking conniving bitch I ever met. Everyone else says that about you too. No one trusts you. I was the one that had your back when everyone else — every other single nanny –” I assume here she means all the other nannies, not just the unmarried ones. Not an English major, our Kristin.
Amber: “You had my back?” Really, people? Cops, firefighters and soldiers need someone to “have my back”. Nannies? You all are so impressed with yourselves, aren’t you?
And then the convo devolves into “how mean are you” and “everyone hates you” and Kristin saying she thought Amber knowing everyone hated her was “going to break your little f-cking heart just like you’re trying to do with my reputation” and more talk about having her back and never referring Amber to another family, ending with “to me you’re dead”. Like it’s the effing Sopranos.
OK. But before you leave, won’t you try a delicious strawberry smoothie?
Then Kristin announces she’s leaving like she’s the freaking Queen or something, and finally gets her ass out the door. At which point, Kristin turns back around and starts repeating she’ll never place Amber again, on and on. Amber says Kristin doesn’t want to find resolution. Kristin says “it’s called cutting off the riff-raff”.
Just go eff yourself, Kristin. Signed, everyone who’s ever watched this show.
Well, you’d think this is the end of Kristin v. Amber, wouldn’t you? Why do I think that’s not the case? Kristin isn’t going to let any imagined slights to her so-called “reputation” and “business” go unremarked and unavenged. And really, if you’re not going to refer someone anymore, that’s a 1-sentence email. All this was just for Kristin to propagate her victim role. Which is as fake as her tan.
Can’t wait until next week, can you? We’ll get to meet Marshall Faulk at last, you know Kristin will find out about Justin’s business plans, Drunky will go out on a new assignment and probably misplace a kid or two, and there’s always Lucy, who with her newfound medical knowledge should be heading right to the coroner’s office. Cause if she can find a heartbeat on a doll, she’ll love working with stiffs.