TheMiki: Much like naming your kid Chad is guaranteed to make him a douchebag, I’m starting to suspect naming your kid Shane makes him say stuff like, “If I could bring anything to the Big Brother House it would be a pull-up bar.”
Flipit: Graduated pre med but works as a house flipper and is terrified of failure. There’s a story there.
Danny: TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT!
Chooch: Honest ?….honestly, if this is the only guy we have for eye-candy this season, we’ve been robbed. He’s a real snoozer.
Flipit: This year’s hick excuse to continue voting against anything gay people want.
TheMiki: He’s scared of bananas. Bananas. Typing that word makes my fingers feel retarded. Bananas. I hope he goes home really early cause I know I’m gonna want to kick him in the teeth.
Danny: Hahahahahahaha. Good to see they’re letting Zac Efron in a princess wig into the house!
Chooch: This bullshitter says he watched last season and didn’t like Evel Dick. Why? Because he wasn’t there? He talks the talk of a mastermind, but we all know what happens to braggarts. Snake-hater #6
Danny: Oh my god, NO. CBS will not rest until every last member of the god-forsaken Hantz family gets on TV. I hate this guy with a fiery passion.
Chooch: Hostile and Docile. Is he for real? How much coaching did he get from his real big brother? Claims his favorite things are strip clubs and they lock him up with a house full of bikini-clad women. This should be real interesting.
Flipit: Proud Evel Dick loving douchebag loser living with his mom. Says he would have shot himself if he had to live with Rachel, so here’s to hoping she comes back. One less Hantz littering the country. Blech.
TheMiki: You’re 34, you live with your mom, and you think “Strip clubs” is an activity. I hope you win, because your two kids deserve a shot at a college fund if they’re gonna have to find out how much you like hookers on national TV.
There will be four players from previous seasons returning as mentors!! Who will they be??
TheMiki: The returning players thing is so fucking lame. The only person from recent BB that I liked was Britney, because she mocked everyone mercilessly. I really hope that neanderthal that they bring back briefly every season to flex and piss me off is over and done with…
Flipit: I hope it’s Renny, Britney, Sheila and Jesse. I can laugh, laugh, laugh and masturbate.
Chooch: Let’s hope the mentors know who Willie Hantz is and they can get rid of him right away. He doesn’t belong on this show at all. I’m sure Mike Boogie does, but he’ll probably be on his team and he’s as big a sheep-humper as Hantz is.
Danny: Is there any way three of these aren’t Rachel, Jeff, and Dick? The thought of subjecting us to these obnoxious jackasses for yet another summer makes my skin crawl. Can they get kicked out? Are they just going to be hanging around, eating food and napping all day like a bunch of post-grads bumming off their parents? Do any of these people have real jobs?!
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