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Big Brother is back, which means it’s time for our first group recap! We’ll start our full regular recaps with the next episode, and they’ll be posted night of/morning after the episodes air! You can check out our full rundown of the cast here. Man it’s good to be back! Enjoy!
Pre-Game Chat: Big Bang Theory streams while we meet up online and start drinking.
Danny: Oh god, we’re getting so close to game time. I need to pour some alcohol STAT.
Flipit: Do it!
Danny: Wine POURED. Ready to face Julie Chen for another summer of living nightmares.
Flipit: Visiting Texas, where I have no weed. UGH. Sobriety is terrible. Only day 3 and I can see why people throw their lives away on pills and booze.
TheMiki: I need to make a fucking drink before this shit starts too. I don’t know what I was thinking. Big Brother sober…
Danny: Oh god, don’t even TRY to watch it sober. Sorry, Flip. Although I think Big Brother has a way of just making you FEEL drunk after about 10 minutes, so it should be fine. It certainly kills more brain cells than pills do.
Flipit: I said I don’t have weed, not booze!! Luckily, my mom is an alcoholic. When in Rome! BRB
Danny: Whoa, I just checked out the Big Bang Theory and I was convinced this girl was Amanda Bynes. Very disappointed.
Flipit: Is she the hot bimbo across the hall? She looks homelier this season
TheMiki: I’ve never seen this show before. People keep telling me to watch it.
Danny: Me too! I already know I hate it.
TheMiki: I hate network TV sitcoms. I just assume I’ll hate this one too.
Flipit: I laugh at Housewives. I don’t watch real sitcoms any more.
Danny: Oh god, my roommate is doing one of his mysterious “things” in his bedroom that makes the internet drop out frequently. NOT DURING BIG BROTHER.
Flipit: OH NO. Tell him to imagine nakedness until we’re done goddammit. Internet porn is ruining live blogging society.
Danny: I need to run out and buy him a nudie magazine.
Flipit: Do they still sell those? I thought the internet killed that shit. Almost time!! Woweeeee!
Danny: Oh god, we’re speeding towards a cliff.
Flipit: It takes three whole months to land on our faces.
Danny: Yeah, but only because you constantly slam into rocks on the way down. BYE, BIG BANG THEORY. YAY BIG BROTHERRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
TheMiki: Woohoo! Booze! Oh… And Big Brother. That’s good too.
Flipit: Well look who showed up. Hey Miki!
Danny: JULIE! Lookin’ good!
Flipit: The bot got a new weave! And some sailor pants!
TheMiki: I believe that’s a one-sie.
The Chenbot explains that this year, the game is new and revolutionary!
Danny: Good to see the house is still a clownish nightmare.
Flipit: They kept the chess board, so at least we know the show will still be smart.
Danny: Competing for pineapples!
TheMiki: I kinda want those chairs.
Shots of the new Houseguests along with pics of old players.
Flipit: Why did they just show Jessie? I just got a hate boner.
TheMiki: Oh god, NOT JESSIE!!!
Flipit: They’re teasing. They showed Will and there’s no way Will’s coming back. He has a real job.
Flipit: The female Dick looks super dirty and un-groomed. Which I suppose is fitting.