The bot announces that a contestant will be kicked out of the house tonight!
Danny: We’re already dropping a houseguest tonight?! SCORE. Let’s kick them all out tonight!
Flipit: Nice job on the season you guys! See you next year!
Danny: JULIE, WATCH OUT FOR THE GIANT CRANE BEHIND YOU. But first!
TheMiki: Nice giant origami swan. Way to fight racial stereotypes, Chen.
Flipit: Why is it Fall outside the BB house?
Let’s meet the Houseguests!
Danny: What? No keys?!
Flipit: Richard Simmons really butched it up tonight.
TheMiki: Frank: Hipster, douchebag, ginger. HATE
Flipit: I hate when ugly people have nice bodies. It confuses me. I don’t know whether to mock them or feel inferior.
Danny: Frank gives off a weird Carrot Top sexy vibe that makes me uncomfortable.
Flipit: The dueling banjos while the nurse from Tuscaloosa takes a fat lady’s blood pressure is killing me. Editors hate hicks.
TheMiki: Huh! What? I drifted off while she was talking.
Danny: This guy is WAY more attractive than his picture suggested.
Flipit: Dumb construction guy. Hot.
Can’t the woman camp in peace?
Flipit: I feel like casting is putting a dead ringer for Kalia on so we’ll all say they look the same and feel like ignorant racists.
TheMiki: I like Ian.
Danny: Ian! Calling them out on the missing key!
Flipit: The dork has a nice Big Bang lead in.
TheMiki: Just throwing it out there. He looks like he’s been stuffed in a lot of lockers.
Danny: Love Ian.
Flipit: The gay is in Jennifer Anniston hair and short shorts. ARGH. Big Brother hates gay people almost as much as they hate black people.
Flipit: AgH CHRIS CROCKER!!! NOOOOOOOO. Apologize to the gays RIGHT NOW!
TheMiki: His haircut alone leaves him open to hate crime legislation
Danny: Oh god, the other Hantz. Oh no. Oh no.
TheMiki: Dumb whore…
TheMiki: …dumb jock…
TheMiki: …dumb whore.
Danny: How many seconds into the show will someone in the house make a Jersey Shore joke about JoJo?
Flipit: JoJo. Swallows. I’m calling it now.
In case you didn’t catch the resemblance, Willie is Russell Hantz’ brother.
Danny: GET RUSSELL OFF THE SCREEN. Russell is going to climb into his luggage and sneak into the house, I just know it.
Flipit: Some family members seem to be missing. The Hantz’ won’t let that little idiot who blew Survivor into the house, which is awesome. Sorry Brandon! They’re just gonna pretend you didn’t happen.
Danny: Is she just not going to admit to being on the Girls Next Door? No?
TheMiki: Ooh! A model. she does HANDSTANDS.
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