Danny: I bet she does some handstands with the construction dude…
Flipit: Jenn looks like she has halitosis and armpit stubble
TheMiki: And leprosy
Flipit: Man face!
Flipit: A spray tanner that wants to fill the house with love and energy? Why do smart people never say shit like that?
TheMiki: This is the bitch that thinks Spark Plug is an adjective.
Flipit: Look guys! They’re packing their horrible clothes! JoJo loves leopard print and if you don’t like it take a hike!!
Flipit: The hick nurse has Daisy Dukes that her dad doesn’t know about. LOL.
TheMiki: I think ALL Big Bro intros should include the words, “Sorry Dad”
Flipit: I love the obligatory contestant that hates drama. Come on, Kalia! You’re going on Big Brother! It’s all about the dramz!
Kalia hates drama, but wood panelling is apparently fine.
Danny: Why did they get rid of the corny scripted intros? Those are the best. “I’m a doctor and wait until you see how I OPERATE.”
Flipit: And they’re off to live their dream of embarrassing themselves on national TV! Single tear.
TheMiki: Drive under a low branch! Please!!!!
Danny: CONTROVERSIAL STATEMENT ALERT: The Hantz brother is the cutest guy in the house.
TheMiki: Puca shell necklace = toolbag
Flipit: Split ends. There’s no excuse for that on day one. CUT HIM.
TheMiki: Cut him like with a knife…?
Flipit: That would be wrong. And delicious. Wil the gay with the Jennifer Aniston hair is gonna hate Frank based on his split ends.
TheMiki: Woooo! A house!!! And we’re in it!!! Woooooo!
Willie Wonka and the Dumbass Factory
Frank grabs the full size bed in case he falls in love.
Flipit: Because the guy with Eagles hair and a hard blink always gets the girl. Poor guy.
TheMiki: Someone please tell me they equip the BB house with rape whistles
Danny: LOVE the bed-picking scenes. So much fun. So exciting. Who’s going to get a bed??? Oh, everyone, as always.
Flipit: EW armpit stains.
Danny: Wil looks like Chris Evans in Captain America when they put his head on a fucked-up skinny body.
TheMiki: Why is there a wall of shoes? Whose shoes are those?
Sponsored by Foot Locker
Danny: Summer of SECRETS.
Flipit: Summer of LIES and ARMPIT STAINS
Flipit: Spray Tan wants to turn one girl into a My Little Pony and the other one into a Barbie doll and play with them or some shit. Wow. Bitch be cray.
Danny: So Ashley is a serial killer, apparently.
Flipit: I want to put their body parts into my purse
TheMiki: Mean Girls by episode two
Flipit: Let’s hope so.
Danny: I can never tell the blondes on this show apart. Wil with One L included.
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