Big Brother 14 Recap: Back to the Back of the Bus

52 Comments

1. 1
   Derek Hazelton
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 3:14 am

   BB loves the black women who seem intelligent and well put together (Jameka, Libra, Kalia, Jodi), but they are always on the chunkier side, the less athletic side, and not well-versed in the game. While Dan never struck me as a racist, it did seem curious that in his DR’s, he made sure to mention that “KARA IS SAFE!” Um, why, other than his huge boner?

   If Jodi was the reincarnation of Kalia, then how could you guys not mention how Jenn was a mashup of Ivette (Friendship Alliance and runner-up) and Lydia!

   I’m not sure how this coaching/mentor twist works, but can we assume that once your whole team has been eliminated, that mentor will also get the boot? Considering you picked a sucky squad (DAN!), I don’t see why they would stay in the house, unless they can cherry pick someone from another team.

2. 2
   itchy
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 5:53 am

   Jenn’s a mashup of Ivette, Lydia and Jesse. I wish she’d take a shower though.

   Get those stupid beds out of the yard so we can get some bikini time in! Please!

   I bet they’re going to introduce new players soon. There’s no way they can run a season with just 11 people. Now they’re down a black person. And they’re also missing an Asian, a handicapped person and, of course, this year’s de rigeur reality tv contestant, a Mormon.

3. 3
   featherhead
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 6:25 am

   But Itchy – they do have an Asian – Chenbot, They do have a handicapped person – Mike Boogie, who has had to amputate his penis due to genital warts (I think he’s down to a thumb) , so in actuallity we are only missing a Mormon.

4. 4
   plockeness monster
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 6:40 am

   Hate boner!!!!!!!!!!! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!

5. 5
   considerthis
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 7:13 am

   New game – everytime Dan says coach you must drink or cut yourself.

6. 6
   cloudsinmycoffee
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 7:24 am

   Mike reminds me of a cleaned up version of Puck from the Real World San Francisco. Thats how damn old I am.

   And the moment Dan’s team lost EVERYBODY knew who was going home, there was never a doubt.

   I’m rooting for Britney, I hope she wins something. And did y’all catch sight of her homely as hell husband!!?! Whoa.

7. 7
   considerthis
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 8:42 am

   Another thought…Mike BOOGIE seriously looks like he has been beaten with an UGLY stick. Dude was never cute but my God he is borderline Elephant Man status. Break out the burlap sack.

8. 8
   RTVfan
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 8:45 am

   “Make them play with real bears, dammit!” LOL!!!

9. 9
   Derek Hazelton
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 8:58 am

   Re: Mike Boogie… did anyone else see that D-List Celebrity show where they were creating a restaurant on VH-1? Exactly…. he’s not that interesting without Dr. Will and while he’s the one who “gets the blood on his hands” (another reality-tv phrase that should be retired), he’s not that good at the game. I can’t imagine he will advise his team well, especially Frank, who seems like such a wild card.

   I just don’t think he and Janelle should be playing for a third time when poor Jodi got cast and couldn’t even play once! The invitation twist sucks balls and I hate that school yard pick ‘em on Survivor, as well. I just don’t think it’s fair, but reality-tv is a cruel mistress.

10. 10
    crankyguy
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Frank’s picture on page four — I see Donovan when I look at it. And why did Wil find it necessary to announce that his name is spelled with only one ‘L’? I hope if they have one of those comps where they are given white boards to write in hamster’s names, somebody spells it “Will” just to piss him off.

11. 11
    Gerrit Verstoep
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 9:34 am

    I watched After Dark last night and found I didn’t hate Wil as much as I thought I would. Reminds me of a cross between Eddie Money and Steve Perry of Journey.

12. 12
    NikkiHughes
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 10:26 am

    I love Wil. And I love Willie.
    I was so happy that my fave houseguests were on my fave mentors’ teams. I love that Brit loves Janelle so much. I am SO happy that BB is back I can hardly stand it.

    “This looks like a super cheap catering event.” — I dunno why, but I guffawed very loudly when I read that.

    SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

13. 13
    classy drunk
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Does Wil have extensions or is that his hair? It looks awful plasticy.

14. 14
    lindsayyyy
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 10:54 am

    I can’t believe I have a crush on a Hantz. Thanks, CBS. And Britney was my fave, so glad she’s back! Although she is far from being one of the best players in BB history…

15. 15
    NikkiHughes
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 11:02 am

    I read that they were picked because: Dan won his season; Boogie won AllStars; Janelle is record-holder for most HOHs and POVs; and Britney was fan favorite.

    

    and Willie is hot. But he’s an idiot if doesn’t think that he and Russell have the exact speaking voice and cadence. It’s SO obvious, lol.

16. 16
    juddfan
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Nikki, you and me, kid! So glad I won’t be the only lusting fool. Hopefully they will call him out and force him to forego Russell’s training and just be himself. and hopefully that will be better-LOL!!! I wish he wasn’t manscaped to within an inch tho.

    And Flippy, I can’t believe you don’t immediately love Wil . . . did you see his Housewife videos . . . I think he’s a riot. As to the hair, I agree, it looks wiggish.

    Tried to post on the forum last night, and got lost in this endless chain of those number code thingies . . . hopefully that’s not a trend, as I’m heading there now before work gets crazed!

17. 17
    alice carroll
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    i wish after dark had naked females like some of the big brothers from other counties..all we ever saw in this usa big brother was jessie banging that chick with all tatoo’s.”cant rember her name..she was soooo skinny”

18. 18
    classy drunk
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    @Juddfan you just have to login and then you won’t have to type the number code thing.

    @Alice Carroll maybe you should turn to cinemax I am sure they have some sort of big brother soft core movie on there.

19. 19
    sarcasatire
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    @alice: Well, last season’s Big Brother Brazil had date rape. And no one intervened, so there’s that. I kinda like things a little more sedate on this end.

    I did feel kinda bad Jodi was eliminated. She was so sweet and happy to be there, though it would’ve been hilarious to see her try and talk strategy and compete in physical challenges. Poor girl couldn’t jump on that bed to save her life! I applaud Dan for keeping his composure, I may have lost it.

    @Derek: “BB loves the black women who seem intelligent and well put together (Jameka, Libra, Kalia, Jodi), but they are always on the chunkier side, the less athletic side, and not well-versed in the game.” Yea, can we not get a bimbo pony in the race? I mean, everywhere I turn on TV, Black women are casted without any regard for sex appeal. Sure, it’s fun to be smart or loud and sassy, but can we be “hot”, too? Damn. LOL! I’m just happy Aisha Tyler got casted on The Talk, not because she’s intelligent (she is!), but because the only other Black women on daytime talk are Whoopi, Sherri, and Cheryl Underwood. The sage, the dunce, and the goblin. Aisha is our ambassador..”See, we can be tall and skinny, too!” Ha!

20. 20
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Uh, Ian is just a little cutie. Then of course for manliness there’s Mr.Hantz. I like the old chef too.
    It was a GREAT episode and it went by so fast.

    I think the Hantz man should put up Dan’s remaining players for elimination. Sorry, Dan but that’s what you get for getting rid of the fat, chubby black chick who actually completed the task.

    I’m really happy the shows back on.

21. 21
    snowshoecat
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    @Sarcassy, Yes you can be tall and skinny, just like one of my more gorgeous besties. I duck behind her in pics!

    Well, didn’t see the show, but L U Ved the ‘cap! I think I can watch this, but I think you guys were having much more fun than I could be alone.

    What is with that Booger? He is one homely guy! I read that he did everything nasty to win. Guess nice guys do finish last. Is Dan really a preacher?

    So much to learn. Including navigating the forum.

22. 22
    sarcasatire
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Well, truth be told @SSC, I’m only one of those things. That’s why I can’t be an ambassador. Sad horns.

23. 23
    crankyguy
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    @snowshoecat, Dan is not a preacher, but was called Father Dan during his season, which he won BTW. because he was a devout Catholic who taught at a Catholic school and was fairly conservative as Big Brother players go.

24. 24
    crankyguy
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    One more thing that I think I remember about Dan, SSC, and I might be wrong since I only think I remember, and that was that he took heat from the public early in his season for some politically incorrect remark which he later claimed was made at the insistence of the producers who wanted him to play up the straight-laced aspects of his personality.

25. 25
    itchy
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Eliminating a player on the very first episode just makes no sense. There aren’t enough hamsters as it is, and they’re already taking one away? I’m going to assume they have some other twist up their sleeves, because otherwise this is just stupid.

    The mentors thing is really stupid too, but I’m happy to see Britney again. Janelle…not as much. I think she’s too aware of the cameras now. Britney can just be herself, she’s already amusing.

    I’d like to have a better look at her wedding photos. That was some dress she was wearing.

26. 26
    juddfan
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Dan looks a lot like Kris Allen, the american idol who beat Adam Lambert-is it me!?

    And I’m so happy to see I’m not the only Boogie hater . . . ugh! For whatever reason, him looking all tired and dried up makes me hate him less . . . who knew . . . and he’s definitely better than Druggie Donato, fer sure!!!

    And Mr. D . . . Ian!? my, I guess things have changed since I’ve been away . . . hee . . .

27. 27
    RTVfan
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    @itchy Google Image “Britney Haynes wedding”, there’s a lot of pictures of her dress.

28. 28
    snowshoecat
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    @Cranky, thanks for the clarification!

    @Sarcassy, I’ll bet you are quite dishy! I’ll hide behind you in pics.

29. 29
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    @Sarcasatire, I guess BB tried the black bombshell thing with Monae (Britney’s best friend from her original season), but BB seems stuck on the “sassy” stereotype, which is as annoying as the feminine gay male stereotypes, the virginal nerd stereotypes, and the bimbo stereotypes that they are furthering each and every summer.

    Gamewise: If I were any of the other three mentors, I would work on dismantling Dan’s team. I mean, frankly, he actively chose the weakest team and he’s the one winner that’s in the most precarious position. I hope Britney developed her killer instinct and will instruct Willie that the best course of action is to eliminate/weaken Dan’s team. If Kara/Danielle are on the block together, they will be fighting for the veto against one another and it will ensure that one of them will actually go home.

30. 30
    itchy
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    Exhibit A:
    http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v333/idch/ExhibitA.gif

31. 31
    sarcasatire
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    “If Kara/Danielle are on the block together, they will be fighting for the veto against one another and it will ensure that one of them will actually go home.”

    That’s a darn good strategy. Plus, if Willie doesn’t put anyone but Dan’s girls up, he may find it easier to forge alliances with other groups in the future. Something tells me he may try and take out a guy, though. Those Hantz’s seem pretty heavy-handed.

32. 32
    zerocool
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    I love Dan and hope he takes it, but he’s certainly in a bad spot. I’m with itchy, getting rid of a player that soon just doesn’t make sense, from a production stand-point. It weakens the game and it weakens their coach way too soon.

33. 33
    niknakflipflop
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    I haven’t watched yet but I’m sooooo damn excited! I’m heading off to watch it now, got my jagermeister shot(s) poured and I’m ready to dive into this mess! Yay! I’ve noticed from reading comments for a long time now that most of you are winos, I need something stronger to get through all the garbage I dvr. Lol

34. 34
    Closet Fan
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    To comment number 9. I recall the show, Pussy from The Soprano’s was on it if we are both thinking of the same show. I don’t remember Boogie on that show.

35. 35
    CynTV
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    Flipit: I’ve missed Dan’s deaf person shout. Calm down, Marlee! You have an Oscar!

    I love you, Flip. You all make such hysterically accurate comments!!

    From what I saw, Britney doesn’t realize that her HOH is a Hantz. Willie-boy said he wasn’t going to listen to her. I think if he blatantly disrespects her he’s going down in a ball of flames. He needs to keep cool and be quietly antagonistic.

    Oh, and I knew Jodi was going home whenI saw her. BB’s younger crowd sees the older crowd as weak: too nice, not competitive enough. And why the heck did Dan pick all girls, anyway?

    I love the nerd. Hope he wins!

36. 36
    sarcasatire
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    @ClosetFan: Mike Boogie was one of the investors. He and his partner (Donny Deutsch?) owned the space and they were seen coming and going, dispensing advice and reprimands. Was his only source of income his BB win or has he parlayed it into other money-making schemes? Or was he rich before?

37. 37
    itchy
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 12:15 am

    I think Dan’s smart enough to see an end-play. I liked him during his season, including his dead man shouting, thought the way he was manipulated people was really masterful.

    Contrast that to the Hantz-brand of meanspiritedness. That seems to be Willie’s (makes me think of my dick when I type that) only strategy. Just be nasty. Can we please be done with this family? Can’t wait until one of them shows up on American Idol.

    Which is why I’m not so interested in Will Minus (one L) — he’s a clear fame-whore, he’s been recruited for his schtick. There’s nothing real about him, he’s just an act. He’d have been better off on Glass House with the rest of the actors there.

38. 38
    crankyguy
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 9:58 am

    @sarcasatire, I think Boogie has a string of clubs and/or restaurants that he co-owns with a few partners. He has money, and I think he had it before being on Big Brother. The genital warts comments are based on an episode of one of those Beverly Hills doctors shows where he went to Dr. Will to have the warts burned off and get a lecture/public service announcement from Dr. Will about wearing condoms.

39. 39
    AmyOops
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 10:27 am

    PREDICTION: So the Bot says the mentor/coaches will get $100,000 if one of their people wins…suspicious. WHAT IF at some point in the game, prolly sooner rather than later, the mentors are privately told that instead of going home if their whole team is eliminated, the get to be a real CONTESTANT again?

    Ooh, think of the duplicitous crap that would have to go on! They would have to pretend they’re all “go win win!” for their team while secretly trying to get them the boot. I guess it would only work for the first mentor, though…but dammit I’ll bet they do some such shit.

40. 40
    bitchristine
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Hysterical recap, thanks for the laughs and snorts. Things that stand out, annoy, etc., initially to me:

    *The shell necklace was driving me crazy. I hope that thing breaks or someone strangles him with it. I can’t stand looking at it. He really think that’s a good look? Whatever, bro, 1998 is calling.

    *Will with the “one l” announcement was born of supreme douchiness. His hair is stupid, period.

    *Boogie is a tool. All I can think of when I see his rather doughy, fugly face is that “wank box” he made for himself from the yard equipment box in the backyard. If some of you don’t know what I’m talking about, in a past season, he would cram himself into the yard / pool storage box and whack off, sans cameras. Klassy. Like someone commented to me, ‘where did he put his load’? Nice.

    *Has Janelle’s nose been botched by additional rhinoplasties? Or is her nose just growing at a more rapid rate that everyone else as we all age?

    *Oh Jesus, (a) I forgot about Dan yelling in the diary room. Now I recall that horrible habit – ugh. Christ that is annoying; (b) does he love that he is a coach, both on and off the show, or what? Know what I say: who fucking cares.

    *that backwoods nurse is one of those Pollyanna southern know-nothings that spew rainbows, unicorns and cheer-leading pompoms. She will go through her entire life not realizing that she is a moron and will unfortunately spawn other little girls whose mental capacity will be limited to the supposed finer things in life like Daisy Dukes, glamor nails, community college and Applebees.

41. 41
    Annie
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    @ bitchristine: ewwww…yeah, Boogie’s “Jack Shack” was pretty gross! When I see his face, all I can think of is that, and his genital warts. Also, is it just me, or does he seem a little “fem” this season?

    I was bummed to see Jodi go. She seemed so happy to be there, and her speech to Dan made alot of sense…she didnt give up during the competition and worked her ass off…compared to the other chicks. Guess being too strong was bad for her……that’s and let’s face it, Dan wanted to keep the cuties. Also, a big “F-You” to Big Brother for making a houseguest go home on the first day. Totally lame.

    And, Willie’s legs? More smooth, glistening, tanned, and hairless than mine. NOT COOL.

42. 42
    Robinez
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    “K. Let’s spread it. You heard it here first: Black people don’t jump on beds.”

    I don’t blame them. It is like a white person jumping on a black persons sofa; it isn’t nessesary and shouldn’t be done. Especially in public.

    TC, Robin

43. 43
    Robinez
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    “I’m with itchy, getting rid of a player that soon just doesn’t make sense, from a production stand-point. It weakens the game and it weakens their coach way too soon.”

    Oh yes, but we know that hamsters eat the balls off the weaker ones. Getting rid of a person on the first day was just to add drama and watch folks deciminate a team right off the bat. The quick exit of a team also serves another purpose; this would allow the anouncement that the mentors are playing the game to be fairly early in the game, after all Dan is SUPPOSED to go after his team is eliminated.

    Now, I know this all depends on what the hamsters will do and they may not do as expected. But I have been watching this for a long time and they usually eat the balls.

    TC, Robin

44. 44
    itchy
    Posted July 15, 2012 at 1:29 am

    Did Julie announce that the mentors have to leave if all their players are eliminated? I don’t remember that. In fact, did she give any information about how this will work, other than the mentors being eligible for 100K?

45. 45
    Robinez
    Posted July 15, 2012 at 2:38 am

    Itchy,

    I assumed that when the last member of a team was voted out and headed out the door their mentor would follow them out.

    I cant figure out why the would stick around otherwise. UNLESS BB has a twist! Whodathunk?

    TC, Robin

46. 46
    smasha
    Posted July 15, 2012 at 4:41 am

    Is it just me or does Frank remind anyone of Danny Noonan in Caddyshack?

47. 47
    snowshoecat
    Posted July 15, 2012 at 5:40 am

    @Bitchy, Booger did WHAT…WHERE? Ewwwwwwww. TMI, but…

    Now I really have incentive to get near a tv and watch this.

48. 48
    crankyguy
    Posted July 15, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Danny Noonan. I can see that.

49. 49
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted July 15, 2012 at 11:03 am

    @snowshoecat… here’s the youtube clip.

50. 50
    crankyguy
    Posted July 15, 2012 at 11:28 am

    @Derek, I had never seen that clip. That box is cramped and it must be stifling hot, so how bad a case of blue balls must somebody have to do that? That ox from Britney’s season rubbed one out in the shower, so the Jack Box was either removed by that time or he couldn’t fit in.

51. 51
    zerocool
    Posted July 15, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Boogie, as usual, can’t even come up with a gross idea on his own – the Jack Shack was invented by Howie, if I remember right. Pre-Lane/shower. I think TPTB removed it the box, but the live-feeders will have to verify.

    And Frank as Danny Noonan – so true!

52. 52
    sarcasatire
    Posted July 15, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Jack Shacks (Wank Tanks?) and genital warts? It’s official, Mike Boogie has no shame.

    And who’s his magician’s assistant? I’ve never seen a dude so eager to help another guy masturbate. Oh wait… But it’s like he stays outside pacing, waiting for him to finish?! )I also caught him mention how it’s too small for “two 6-feet plus guys in there.” Oooooooooh, I see.
    The worst were the squicky sound effects, ( I tried to tell myself it was made by the innertube floating in the pool), accompanied by the heavy breathing….just ugh.