Danny: So now these people are just forced into alliances?
TheMiki: Coach picks who goes home? Ha! Time to lick your coach’s shoes guys.
Flipit: This looks like a super cheap catering event.
Danny: The weird old chef dude is totally getting cut by whoever got stuck with him.
Flipit: So wait. Who chooses who goes home?
Danny: There are TOO many rules. Big Brother, ease us into your overcomplicated bullshit.
TheMiki: My feed keeps skipping. I’ve missed at least half the rules.
Flipit: It’s ok. They change them halfway through the game anyway so Grodner’s pick can win.
TheMiki: Everyone grab a teddy bear. Winner is whoever has the biggest jugs. Loser is old guy. Go!
The obligatory 99 cent store click light. LOVE YOU BIG BROTHER
Danny: Shane does not understand how to not look like an enormous threat. He’s gone in four weeks, tops.
Flipit: I want Hantz to lose so he’s kicked out of his family like the Bible beater kid from Survivor
The game involves jumping on beds and getting teddy bears. Or something.
Flipit: HAHAH. I love watching bimbos fall down. It’s why I take coconut oil to strip clubs
Danny: Very surprised Big Brother had the restraint to not throw slime all over these guys. Someone’s sleeping on the job.
TheMiki: “Go Deep on that. Go as far as you can on that!” That’s what she said, Dan.
Flipit: The spray tanner has no idea what to do. Too many rules for her to keep in her head.
Danny: “But, houseguests? Looks like you’re about to have a WET DREAM.” Slime sprays them in the faces as they hop across the beds.
Flipit: Teddy bear holocaust. This is disturbing.
I can only save some of you.
TheMiki: Trying her heart out, Janelle? I love when people don’t understand English.
Flipit: Poor black girl fell on her face again. This is so rigged. Why are the white people all in shape? I wonder if Grodner knows any black people.
Danny: CONSPIRACY THEORY: Big Brother is ripping of Wipeout to get back at ABC for Glass House.
TheMiki: World War Three will be fought entirely with flap-jacks. True story.
Flipit: Spray Tan just compared this comp to Frogger! HAHAHAH!! Ok I wanna hate her but it’s impossible so far.
Danny: Ashley doesn’t know how Frogger works.
Flipit: She’s got the hopping, but that’s it. Watch out for that truck…oh wait. She’s dead.
Danny: This is the second-worst experience in a bed for Kara, after her time on the Girls Next Door.
TheMiki: I feel like I’m always turning on my own people, but Jenn kinda terrifies me.
Flipit: It’s ok! Wil terrifies me, so I guess it’s natural.
Danny: Jenn’s making me search Craiglist for a new apartment not in Brooklyn.
Flipit: Britney’s strategy is gonna be to shout/pout, just like in her season LOVE IT.
Danny: So far the coaching is clearly INTEGRAL to EVERYTHING. “We can win this!” Great job.
TheMiki: Make them play this comp with real bears, dammit!
Danny: I’d be fine if they resolved it during the commercials and then we came back and Julie was like, “Joe was voted out. See you next week.”
Flipit: JoJo can’t catch a break in this game. She’s only used to carrying artificial weight on her chest. I don’t remember Britney squealing like this.
TheMiki: That’s cause she never won shit.
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