Big Brother 14 Recap: Dan is a Shouty Jedi

Recaps

By TheMiki | Wednesday, September 5, 2012 | 10:51 pm | 17 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Big Brother, Recaps

First question:  who was the voluptuous dame eliminated right after the coaches reset the game? The answer is, of course, Janelle.  Joe tells us he HAS to win, whereas Ian doesn’t give two shits if he wins.  Jenn just BARELY squeezes out Danielle for the last spot in the round, and Danielle is out!  Shane hands her a towel and says, “Don’t hug me! Good job.”  

 

After the competition maybe you can call my mom and tell her that I’m always trying to put my penis in your vagina…?

Second question: who got eliminated after Baby Zing was born?  That would be Wil, and everyone runs around looking for the Wil corn.  Ian is the last one up the ramp, and he’s out!  He says he’s mostly just embarrassed that Joe beat him.  

You and me both, Ian. 

Third question: who answered wrong in Battle of the Bands with his fast hands?  That would be Boogie.  Dan is first up the ramp for the second time in a row, followed by Jenn and Frank, which means that Joe is OUT!  Maybe we can get him to stop screaming at us now…?  Nope. More screaming.

 

Fourth question: who was picked last and eliminated first.  Awww… Poor Jodi.  She didn’t even get a house-key, but at least she’s got her name on some corn.  Jenn makes it up the ramp last, which means it’s down to Dan and Frank.  Jenn is hoping now that if Dan wins he’ll use the Veto on her since she was dumb enough to use hers on him.

 

Jenn, your hoodie/vest has been eliminated from the Big Brother house

Last question:  Something about ice… I dunno… The answer is Ashley though.  Frank comes to his senses and decides not to trust Dan to take him off the block, so it’s a battle to track down the Ashley corn and make it back up the ramp.  Dan isn’t sure if it’s Ashley or JoJo though, and says he’s going up the ramp with whichever corn he finds first.  Lucky for him, that’s correct, which means Frank is going the fuck home finally.  

 

Rope-climbing challenges are clearly fixed towards gym teachers

Dan does a quick underwear-clad victory-douche in the kitchen before running up to talk to Frank.  He explains that he can’t possibly use the Veto on Frank, but he could use it on Jenn without exposing their fake alliance.  Dan sits Ian down and tells Ian that he wants to take Jenn down and put Joe up in his place.  Ian mentions taking Frank down since he can’t play in the next HoH anyway, but says he can pretend to be crazy mad about Jenn coming down so that no one suspects they’re working together.  

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TheMiki
About

I enjoy mocking other people because it's the only thing I'm really good at, and I think we should all use the gifts God gave us.  My childhood was way more fucked up than yours, and yet I'm a fully productive member of society with no criminal record or bastard children.  As such, listening to coked-out hookers whine about their baby-daddies getting arrested and how they live this life cause their mama didn't breastfeed them makes me want to throw furniture at my TV.  When I'm not tearing down people on television I like to paint, write, drink coffee, hike, and make pathetic attempts to play the guitar, because chicks dig a lady with an instrument.

17 Comments

  1. 1
    PinkTop
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 3:44 am

    Previously I was mostly indifferent towards Britney. Now, as I watch the speech impediment olympics, I sure miss her ability to properly structure sentences at normal volume. Alas. However, it was rather swell of Shane to loan her that lovely eviction outfit.

    Frank doesn’t talk, he nasally slow-honks. I wonder if he’ll stay true to battered ginger form and vote for Dan in the end. Ugh. (I predict Frank/Ashley sequester sex)

    I almost predict Dan/Joe at the end, the shoutiest final 2 in BB history.

  2. 2
    NotAlway'sPerfekt
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 7:56 am

    I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out why Danielle looks so familiar. Eureka! She is Audrina Patridge’s Doppelganger!

  3. 3
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Dan turning on every jury member is not the ticket to victory he thinks it may be. Britney will poison the jury and turning on either Frank/Jenn or Ian/Danielle is going to ruin his chances to win the money.

  4. 4
    My2Cents
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 8:35 am

    Always enjoy TheMikis’ recaps and this one was no different. Many ‘lol’ moments in this recap but loved this one the best…”Otev (that’s Veto backwards in case you’re a Ashley fan) “. Thanks for the hardwork.

  5. 5
    JasonR
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 8:59 am

    @Derek I disagree. The only people who could possibly beat him in a final two are Ian or Frank. Frank will probably be taken care of tonight, and Dan is smart enough to know he will need to also knock off Ian before the finals. Danielle will never ever turn on Dan. Shane probably wouldn’t wipe his ass unless Dan or Ian told him to. Danielle and Shane were loyal alliance members but really haven’t done shit on their own initiative. Joe or Jen, well, I think the jury would sooner give the money to the Zingbot. Brittany has been sequestered and doesn’t know the full extent of how Dan engineered her demise, but even if Frank fills her in, she respects the game and gameplay and I don’t think she’d be that petty.

  6. 6
    considerthis
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 9:46 am

    I had no idea Jennnnn had such a rockin body! Underneath all that leather and fur lined vests and ripped T-shirts.

  7. 7
    considerthis
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 10:07 am

    One more thing…
    As we tend to DVR everything in the considerthis household, if you go to CBS.com or happen to still have this episode on DVR or on Demand. Take a look at the last question between Dan and Frank for POV.

    When they are “hunting” for a corn cob and cutting back and forth from confessionals something very interesting happens. We literally went frame by frame and you can see Dan run to a haybale and lift it up/reach under it and grab the corn and head back without ever even opening the husk.

    One of 2 schools of thought on this:
    FIRST – It is fixed and AG got word to her boy toy that the answer is under the hay bale. Thus securing the annointed one safety this week fo sho

    SECOND – Dan legitimately won the POV (maybe too fast) and to add to dramactic effect after he won they had him and Frank re-enact the scene to extend the hunting time and tension. When drama was high enough Dan was signaled that it was OK to now win and thus rached under the hay bale and took off.

    I know it exists but it is just so dissapointing when “reality” TV is so blantantly manipulated on any level. Whether for dramatic effect or rigging competitions it just seems insulting to the viewers.

  8. 8
    itchy itchy
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 10:33 am

    I love a good “wah! producer fix! wah!” conspiracy theory as much as the next guy, but it looked to me like the corn was already unwrapped — he spotted the name from the other side of the haybale and ran around to grab it. I don’t buy that he didn’t know it was the correct answer though, that was probably added on to heighten the “tension.”

    Also, if chubby, schlubby and covered with inkstains is considered a rocking bod, then times really have changed.

    I find it difficult to root for Frank since he’s such an idiot. In fact, I find it difficult to root for any of these morons. So I’m rooting for Dan.

    And I don’t think he has to worry about the jury — he’s going to do his best to take Joe (or Jenn), knowing that neither of those two will receive any respect at all from the jury. He can’t take Ian, Danielle or Shane, since they’ve all actually done a thing or two this season. And he’ll have managed to eliminate everyone by making them feel good about themselves.

  9. 9
    juddfan
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Um, Itchy . . . I’m a fan of chubby, schlubby men . . .

    @Pink top, zzzzzziiiinnnnngggg! Good one on Brit’s outfit!

    My DVR cut off before the end coz of some political stuff I zipped through. I just can’t with that political stuff, no matter which side is currently lying at me through their teeth and carefully studied body language. I find it creeepy.
    Anyway, I have no opinion on the “fix” but it would not surprise me. I don’t think Dan is a shoo in, he’s f’ing everyone from both sides and it would take more than a reach around to get back in their good graces. I guess we’ll see.

    Were we all aware that Shane’s shirts were dyed pink by BB, coz they were white and would film better in color. Cannot speak to the cut, ahem, but this was according to a Janelle interview after her eviction.

  10. 10
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Big Brother is fixed? A planted corn cob under a hay bale? Impossible!

    Dan may deserve to win but I don’t want him to. Dan’s dirty and icky and he wears that Karate Kid headband which offends my fashion sense. The only time Dan’s ever looked good was when he was walking around in those black, spandex, boxer briefs but I hate myself for finding him momentarily attractive.

    I want an Ian/Joe finale.

    Big Brother is down with Aliens and Robots which is cool. Now, can Big Brother get BigFoot and The Chupacabra to show up? That would be SuperCool. (Okay, they don’t have to show up on the same episode. I don’t want them to be dating or anything like that. That would just be stupid.)

  11. 11
    TheMiki themiki
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 11:00 am

    @PinkTop — I would consider Joe more the honker. He sounds like a flock of geese with a megaphone.

    @My2cents — You’re very welcome

    @Considerthis — It’s best if you just think of it all as a really poorly written nighttime soap where only one of the actors gets paid at the end…

    @Itchy — Do you think Dan will vote for Frank to stay tonight? Not because he wants him to stay or anything, but because Frank is going to jury and if he only gets one vote it’ll be pretty obvious that Dan played him. Unless Dan can use his Jedi powers to convince Frank that Jenn turned on him or something…

    @JuddFann — I had to wait around for over a half hour of political blah blah before the show started. I blame that delay for the ridiculous number of typos in this recap. I was up past my bedtime getting it finished.

    @MisterDangerous — I say we hold out for ‘Nessie…

  12. 12
    juddfan
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    I feel your pain, themiki! I had nothing to do but watch, and yes, have it cut off half way, but they were really milking the corn challenge. I usually love me some aliens, but meh. . .

    Mr. D . . . hee . . . I was hating myself too. Does anyone ever wear bandanas like they do on BB? Is it me? I just never see that unless it’s a Jane Fonda or Loverboy video . . .

  13. 13
    itchy itchy
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    I think Dan will have no problem voting Frank off — he has to get him out now (since he’s no doubt aware they’ll be doing two evictions this week). All he’ll have to do is spread a little bit of Dan Mist in his goodbye video — Frank’s dumb enough to buy anything Dan says.

    Which is why I don’t mind a Dan win. Because the rest of these people (including Ian) are just too damned stupid. They simply don’t deserve the money. Dan will put it to go use expanding his collection of stupid headbands and dopey teeshirts.

  14. 14
    Willroast Willroast
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    “Big Brother is down with Aliens and Robots which is cool. Now, can Big Brother get BigFoot and The Chupacabra to show up? That would be SuperCool.”

    Um, Mister Dangerous, they already have both BigFoot and The Chupacabra on the show. BigFoot will be leaving tonight and Chupacabra has been eating her way to a quarter-ton since she got there.

  15. 15
    Some guy
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Is the guy that is always yelling the one who make nachos. Did he watch to much WWF interview do the Hulk or something and thinks yelling is the way to talk. I can’t take much more .

  16. 16
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    Miki – I am mid-read. but I gotta say: Secret Stupid Shirt Alliance – that was a computer spew moment for me.

    And it should be on a t-shirt.

  17. 17
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted September 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    I am mid-read. but I gotta say: Secret Stupid Shirt Alliance – that was a computer spew moment for me.

    And it should be on a t-shirt.

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