Hey hey Big Brother fans! It’s Double Elimination Night! Squee! I might not even need to snort my Adderall in order to stay awake through tonight’s episode.
In case you’re just joining us, Frank and Boogie were on the block and they are convinced it’s Dan’s fault, even though it’s totally Ian’s fault. Frank won PoV and pulled himself off the block, so Shane replaced him with Jen. Oh, and I have a big ol’ thing of vodka gummy bears made with Whipped Cream Vodka, so I’m gonna be in a much better mood than usual too.
It’s like all the good parts of my childhood plus all the bad parts of my childhood rolled into one…
The Chenbot tells us like a dozen times that there will be two players eliminated tonight. It goes like this: Right off the bat either Boogie or Jen will get evicted, then there will be an HoH comp, then a PoV comp, then someone else will go home.
That guy on the bottom is REALLY excited about it
Chen warns us that Jen is pissed to be on the block, and now she’s set to explode. Duck and cover everyone! You might get mediocrity all up in your hair and stuff.
Boogie is all pissed off because Dan tried to shake his hand, and right in the midst of his temper tantrum Ian comes in and says it’s tough for him to decide when he has to vote between two of his teammates. Boogie has a little mini shit-fit over Ian not being positive he’s voting for Boogie to stay, so Ian lies and says he is definitely voting Jen out.
You kids get off my lawn!
Boogie sets his sights on Shane and starts accusing him of jerking them around and being Dan’s bitch. Way to make the whole house wanna keep you around, you infantile fuckwad. I expect this sort of shit from Boogie, cause… Well… He’s an infantile fuckwad, but Frank is getting pulled into the vortex of douchebaggery and being just as obnoxious.
You cannot resist the power of the dickwad hat…
Bored of trying to make Shane cry, Boogie and Frank gather in the living room to verbally assault Dan, who handles himself pretty well by mostly ignoring them and pretending to read.
So you’re telling me this caterpillar is STILL hungry???
Over in some other room, Jen is telling Ian that she’s furious and it makes her sick to be on the block. Like, bitch is legitimately furious about being nominated. Did she not understand that the entire point of this show is to nominate people for eviction? It’s not like her and Shane had some awesome secret alliance that he’s betraying by putting her on the block. What the fuck is she so angry about?