Hey hey Big Brother fans! Who’s ready for another hour in the Big Brother house? The teasers on the ‘Gasm main page have promised me a good week, but since I can’t really read the live feeds and recap the show objectively, I’ve been anxiously waiting to see what the fuck this boring group of idiots did to amuse me. Let’s do this shit!
Last week the coaches re-entered the game and Danielle proved that she was the best at clinging to a sinking ship…
No, not this one…
The nominees are Frank and Wil, because Danielle has Dan’s hand firmly jammed up her ass and controlling her every move like a goddamn Muppet.
That’s why they only shoot the diary room from the chest up
Wil is pissed, and tells the DR that Danielle is going to hell. Up in the HoH room he hugs her while she cry-pologizes and tells him she just wants Frank gone. He tells her it’s okay, and then cries about how no one likes him and he might not be cut out for this. It’s super fake crying with no tears on both counts.
Frank and Boogie are chatting, and Frank mentions what I’ve been saying: Why the fuck does everyone think he’s a threat when he keeps losing competitions? This is the slimiest, most smelly looking bromance in the history of Big Brother. And that’s really saying something.
Dan and Janelle decide it’s time to talk game with Boogie, since the coaches need to stick together. Dan tries to wave the white flag, but Boogie is so fucking pissed that anyone dared to try and back-door his boyfriend that he refuses to make a coach alliance. The Froogie bromance will not be torn asunder by no high school gym coach.
Nobody comes between me and my Gingertits
It’s fun to watch Dan stutter and not know how to respond to honesty when he’s in a position of power. He seems to be genuinely shocked that Boogie isn’t lining up and taking a number to lick his sack.
You don’t even wanna cup the balls?
Up in the HoH room, Ian is feeling lonely and sad and wants to try and connect with some sort of an alliance. Brit and Danielle talk to him and tell him that he needs to be loyal to them if he wants to be with them. Ian says it’s a shame they can’t bring Frank into the alliance, cause he’s a really strong player, but he’ll do what he needs. Someone give that poor boy a fucking hug!