We’re back!! It’s finally my turn to recap and it’s a stupid quiz show. GODBLAMMIT! Well at least Chendiana Jones has on a dress the color of a bruise. For or against spousal abuse? I don’t know, but I can always count on this show to make me think super deeply.
What does it MEEEEEAN!?!?
It’s the final round in the three part HOH, and it’s a battle of the wits! I would normally say that Ian has any brains challenge in the bag, but he’s been pretty much oblivious for weeks now. He might as well be drooling and banging his head against the desk at this point.
The challenge is to guess which statement a former HG actually made, and which one is made up. Easy enough, no? No, apparently, cuz Ian is rocking back and forth, sucking his thumb, and looking like he just saw his mom get run over by a MAC truck.
How bout a smile? You’re so close to possibly being able to buy pants that aren’t Dockers.
Dan looks like a fucking giant next to this squirt. It’s like David and Goliath. Dan, you’ve read the Bible! That story didn’t end so well for the giant.
The book of Samuel didn’t mention, however, that the Giant had badly gelled Duck Tales hair.
Is Chen&Stimpy thinking of getting a divorce? Cuz she’s really showing off her booty tonight. You better make whatever’s wrong right, Les Moonves! This bitch ain’t playin!
Chennifer Lopez booty
Time for the questions! What did MobileSprayTanMoron Ashley say was her most amazing moment? A: When she rubbed her feet on the floor and a spark came out of a sock or B: when she dreamt about making a dream board and then woke up to find that she forgot her dream but remembered again when she started working on her dream board? A! Ian gets the point!
What did Joe say will make his kids most embarrassed of him? A: His tampon string facial hair, yelling, and fauxhawk? or B. His general existence? B! Dan won that one.
What did Frank say he is most upset about? A: Having more split ends and hard blinks than any other white trash loser that still lives in their mother’s basement or B: Having to take Boogie’s dick out of his mouth long enough to answer this question? B! Ian wins it!!
Now the little feller gets to choose who to take to the final two. Dani’s just spent the past couple of days yelling at him, calling him names, and making him cry. I’m sure he’ll take her. But he doesn’t! Dan’s in! This seems like an incredibly stupid move, because Dan’s obviously the best player in a long ass time and if the jury doesn’t vote for him on sheer game play, they’re all a bunch of fucking retards. Which they are. Enjoy your half a million dollars, Ian!