So: Ian won! Did Dan throw it? Did Ian mean to throw it? I wish we could know, but also: I don’t really care, because we are almost free from this show. Dan seemed confident that Ian was going to throw it, and I thought Ian looked disappointed when he won. Or is Dan just making me paranoid now? Anyway, looks like Dan won’t have to make a tough decision, which is kind of disappointing. I very much hope Ian takes Dan, because an Ian/Danielle final two would be BOOOOORING.
As we come back to commercials, my heart stops because I’m 99% sure I saw Brendon of Brenchel fame in the audience, hooting and fist-pumping like the ape he is. I didn’t see if Rachel was near him, but I can’t imagine she’d let him appear on TV without her, so she has to be nearby. Maybe she’ll drop in from the ceiling like a ninja in the middle of the reunion.
Anyway, Ian has to vote someone out! He stands up, mustering all the inner strength his 80-pound frame can produce. “It makes me physically ill to pick between two Quack Packers,” he says, and I am counting down the minutes until we stop using that phrase. And then he evicts Danielle! So…. Dan just won a second time, huh? Unless this jury is truly as dumb as they’ve been all summer.
After Danielle leaves, Dan and Ian jump all over the house, celebrating their win, Dan acting like he had Ian’s back the whole time. God, everyone was so naïve. A tweet on the bottom of the screen suggests that Jeff is in the audience tonight? SHOW US JEFF IMMEDIATELY. Shame on the cameraman who didn’t zoom in.
Danielle sits down with Julie, who doesn’t waste any time. “You seemed as if you put all your eggs in Dan’s basket. Why didn’t you try and work out a deal with Ian just in case he won the final HoH?” Danielle’s answer is, basically, “I gave up.”
Julie dismisses Danielle from the game with a sassy, “Well, you came a long way, guuuuuurl,” as I wonder if Julie’s dress’s pattern is made of red blood cells.
Up next: jury questions! Let’s see if Ashley can string together one last sentence.
Oh no! Chenbot’s sound-chip seems to be malfunctioning and they’ve given her an external mic. She uses it to announce the jury members as they make their way into the studio. Britney looks ravishing, Shane looks like he spilled bleach all over himself, Frank looks like he needs to button at LEAST one more of those shirt-buttons, and Smashed-ley looks smashed.