“Besides Danielle’s lies?” (Classy to the end, our Janelle.) She says Dan’s gameplay, obviously. She was amazed they didn’t get rid of him, and if he doesn’t win, it’s a travesty. Clearly, she had to practice that word many times before going on air tonight. Julie asks if she’ll say Dan is the best player ever. Janelle, surely thinking she is still the best player, says he’s “one of the best.” Janelle, give it up. You played one too many times. The legend is dead.
And so is all the feeling in my face.
Now let’s talk to Frank! Um, why are we talking to Frank again when you just brought these six out? Anyway, Frank is mad at Dan still. Let’s move on.
Oh no, now we move on to BOOGIE. Basically, Dan played well, but Boogie thinks Ian became a man in the house or something? It’s gross and condescending, especially coming from a “man” who calls himself Boogie and wears self-made T-shirts with his own invented catchphrases on them.
Now it’s time for Shane and Danielle to make up! It’s so perfect that Jodi came back for this reunion, only to be snubbed again. Big Brother hates you, Jodi, and I have no idea why. I’m so sorry. Anyway, Danielle reassures Shane that she didn’t know Dan was going to stab him in the back. Thankfully, they can now resume their fake relationship.
And then, ultimately, Wil does an impression of Joe, and it’s terrible and just reeks of, “SOMEONE HIRE ME!” I can’t even handle the sight of these people anymore. Which, thankfully, is the end of my tenure this season! As we zoom in on beautiful Jeff in the audience, we go to commercial. Thank you, camera man, for giving me the most perfect parting gift I could ever ask for, and thanks to all of you for reading my ramblings this season.
It’s time to announce the winner! Woot! Chenbot will pull the keys one at a time, first player to four wins. Danielle voted for Dan, cause she’s a fucking moron. Shane voted for Ian (no surprise there). Jenn voted for Ian. Joe voted for Ian. That’s three already, and we KNOW that Brit voted for him. Oh, and Frank voted for Ian too. Woohoo!!! Ian is the winner!!!! So, all but Danielle figured Dan’s shit out by the end. So happy for Ian. And his family is super happy and adorable too. Yay! It’s good to know that the misting is only effective within a designated misting range. Just don’t be in the same room with Dan and y’all are safe.