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Before we begin, I have to say how proud I am that television is finally allowing gorgeous thin people who can barely form a sentence to have their own shows playing brilliant lawyers.
We’ve come a long way, baby.
Previously, One L Wil was sent packing. He came into the house as a flaming homosexual with forty pounds of fake hair weaved onto his head; he left … as a flaming homosexual in a sailor hat.
Sailors and gay guys across the country slapped their foreheads at the same time that night.
The Houseguests are in the middle of the relay race we left them in. They can choose to go for safety, HOH, or ten grand. Danielle shouts in the diary room about how she really wants too wee-in this! Mostly because she can threaten Shane with eviction if he doesn’t give her another “closed mouth pursed lipped this is really gross cuz you wear a retainer and I’m an obvious homo” kiss.
Chef just wants safety. What good would power be to a guy who’s never had any power? I don’t know how to explain Chef Yellalot’s thoughts, but I do know that whatever goal he sets his sights on, he won’t reach. He will yell, though. Really loudly.
Boogie, of course, is going for the money. Yes, this means that he could easily go up on the block with his partner Frank, but he’s got a son who has to get warts burnt off his forehead monthly and that shit adds up. Frank is shocked that he’s playing with a selfish person. Hard blink. I can’t stop staring at Boogie. Partly because his face looks like one of those paintings that only makes sense if you look at it long enough for your eyes to cross, and partly because of that outfit. Wigga please.
Boogie brags that getting rid of One L was all his doing. Congrats! You rid the house of a useless floater that couldn’t win comps. Great move! I’m sure that will ensure your safety for a long time to come. Chef Yellalot is crying because his good friend One L left. Didn’t he totally berate One L in the goodbye video? I would expect more consistency from a chef. You can’t just send out a Southwest Chicken Salad any old way you want to or you’ll be labelled a Bad Apple.
Back to the game. Danielle keeps falling, and jokes that she should change her name to Grace, cuz she’s so graceful. Get it? Other ideas: Genius, Datable, Cutie. All kidding aside, I’m shocked that Danielle isn’t better at being on her knees covered in lube.