Big Brother: Questioning Your Balls

Recaps

By Flipit | Sunday, August 19, 2012 | 7:48 pm | 9 Comments
Tagged: , , ,
Posted in: Big Brother, Recaps

Before we begin, I have to say how proud I am that television is finally allowing gorgeous thin people who can barely form a sentence to have their own shows playing brilliant lawyers.

Screen Shot 2012-08-19 At 6.25.47 Pm
We’ve come a long way, baby.

Previously, One L Wil was sent packing. He came into the house as a flaming homosexual with forty pounds of fake hair weaved onto his head; he left … as a flaming homosexual in a sailor hat.

Screen Shot 2012-08-19 At 6.29.30 Pm
Sailors and gay guys across the country slapped their foreheads at the same time that night.

The Houseguests are in the middle of the relay race we left them in. They can choose to go for safety, HOH, or ten grand.  Danielle shouts in the diary room about how she really wants too wee-in this! Mostly because she can threaten Shane with eviction if he doesn’t give her another “closed mouth pursed lipped this is really gross cuz you wear a retainer and I’m an obvious homo” kiss.

Chef just wants safety. What good would power be to a guy who’s never had any power? I don’t know how to explain Chef Yellalot’s thoughts, but I do know that whatever goal he sets his sights on, he won’t reach. He will yell, though. Really loudly.

Boogie, of course, is going for the money. Yes, this means that he could easily go up on the block with his partner Frank, but he’s got a son who has to get warts burnt off his forehead monthly and that shit adds up. Frank is shocked that he’s playing with a selfish person. Hard blink. I can’t stop staring at Boogie. Partly because his face looks like one of those paintings that only makes sense if you look at it long enough for your eyes to cross, and partly because of that outfit. Wigga please.

Screen Shot 2012-08-19 At 6.37.53 Pm
Vanilla Lice

Boogie brags that getting rid of One L was all his doing. Congrats! You rid the house of a useless floater that couldn’t win comps. Great move! I’m sure that will ensure your safety for a long time to come. Chef Yellalot is crying because his good friend One L left. Didn’t he totally berate One L in the goodbye video? I would expect more consistency from a chef. You can’t just send out a Southwest Chicken Salad any old way you want to or you’ll be labelled a Bad Apple.

Screen Shot 2012-08-19 At 6.41.54 Pm

Back to the game. Danielle keeps falling, and jokes that she should change her name to Grace, cuz she’s so graceful. Get it? Other ideas: Genius, Datable, Cutie. All kidding aside, I’m shocked that Danielle isn’t better at being on her knees covered in lube.

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Flipit
About

Currently, Flipit's writing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps, which you can find here. You can also find him doing a gossip segment twice a week called BS of the Day and video recaps of Project Runway All Stars, as well as spoof ReDubs of the coming soon trailers at the end of RHOBH!

Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit

9 Comments

  1. 1
    awfuleyebrow
    Posted August 19, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    It’s really great that the BB producers found a practical use for BLK Water. The Laurito/Manson boys finally found their niche market.

  2. 2
    awfuleyebrow
    Posted August 19, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    Oops Manzo! Dang spell check.

  3. 3
    carol
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 12:09 am

    As annoying as Boogie is, he was smart to go for the money. Second place gets $50,000, with their weekly salary of $750 deducted from that. So, Boogie has made as much money as possible without being in the final two. Sort of like that girl who took the money in Glass House, except she was thinking about the numbers, Boogie was just going for easy money.

    I hate this slippery type challenge. It is always so painful to watch. I never understand how they can legally get away with it. It would be so much better if they had a treadmill type thing going in one direction. So you had to actually work/run to get one direction then coast the other way. It would be just as challenging seeing how out of shape some of these players are. There would also be far less injuries. It amazes me every time this challenge appears that there aren’t more players with broken wrists, bruised tail bones, etc.

    When Frank blinks, it is so hard you can almost hear it. Sort of like a cartoon character when they see something not normal.

  4. 4
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 12:30 am

    Kanye to Boogie: “That is some Benjamin Buttons shit!”

  5. 5
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 7:39 am

    @Flipit, as I tweeted you last night, my favorite Joe story was where he said he broke his ass-bone twice. Those stories they cobbled together made me laugh and I enjoyed Joe more last night than I have in previous episodes.

    Does anyone know if the hamsters are contractually obligated to see the HOH’s room? If I don’t like the person, I’d decline to see the HOH room, but I guess that would get me the big asshole edit from Grodner.

    Oh, how I wish Danielle knew that Grace was the name of the biggest fag hag/fruit fly in the history of scripted television. Her lack of awareness about anything related to Shane’s disinterest is amusingly painful to watch. Shane gets stereotypically gayer as the season goes on; but at least it’s not as mind-numbingly awful as watching Jeff dance around the fact that he has no interest in Jordan, unless it’s to make money on CBS reality programs.

  6. 6
    Smango
    Posted August 20, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    Omg your labels of Boogie with pictures are AMAZING. I still chuckle every time I think of the ‘check to see if Grandpa is breathing’ pic.

  7. 7
    Karen Belvin
    Posted August 21, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    Did anyone else hear Ian tell Brit that the “Wizard” told him “How can you vote out someone you have admired since you were 10 years old.!” DR is interfering again!!!!!! Gonna cause me to give up BB altogether.. and I have watched since season one!!!!!

  8. 8
    Lola
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    “Wouldn’t be gayer with a dick in his mouth.”. Bahahahaha! I’m totally gonna steal that line!

  9. 9
    Lola
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Do you think if someone tied idiot Frank’s arms to his sides, he wouldn’t be able to talk? He can’t say anything without his palms up.

    And what did he used to do for a living before becoming a bum with a Noonan haircut?

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