She falls down a lot. So does Ian. He compares himself to a drunk girl trying to walk in heels. He’s definitely got the rack for it. Danielle, Shane and Ian are the only ones going for HOH, which says a lot about this year’s cast. Britney’s going for safety, and tells us she’s doing it so she can stay plus play again in next week’s HOH. I hope it’s sliding around on oily surfaces again, cuz she’s kicking ass. She’s finally found a game she can win at. That only took two seasons. She wins safety.
Dan was going for safety, so he has to switch to the race for HOH. Shane is way ahead of him, but this doesn’t mean we won’t have to sit through twenty more minutes of Dan shouting his head off in the DR about how close this thing is. Chef is way behind everyone as usual and says that he’s an Oprah, a big fat O. Um….isn’t she, like, a billionaire? Probably not a good example.
Boogie takes the ten grand easily, as he was the only one going for it. He kisses the gold plastic necklace they gave him and gloats a lot. It’s gross. He’s too busy patting himself on the back to make condescending remarks to women. Thankfully, Brit’s here to step into his shoes. “You’re catchin’ uuuuuuuuup, Danielle! Keep it up!” She sounds completely shocked that Danielle isn’t just lying on the ground bleeding from the head.
Dan hasn’t shouted at us for a minute, so let’s check in with him! “MUCH LIKE IN LIFE, THIS GAME IS NEVER OVER!” Man, Dan’s a fucking idiot. Has he never known anyone who’s died?
Shane has almost finished filling his tank up, and Dan’s not even at the halfway point yet. Still, though, there’s pounding dramatic music for another five minutes. You’ll never believe this one: SHANE WINS!
Who wants to see his HOH room? Frank and GirlDick put bandanas over their eyes and take naps. You guys, the showers are free. No? GirlDick is all teary eyed. She can’t even win a relay race and sports are supposed to be in her blood. If there was one producer who gave a shit about her they’d throw in a softball challenge or something. I don’t know why she’s so upset, exactly, but she’s sweet and I like her, even if it takes me about half an hour every episode to remember she’s even here. She makes herself feel better by crying and eating with her mouth open.
Shane is in another hot pink shirt. His family pic is of his dog and his letter is from his sister. He wouldn’t be gayer with a dick in his mouth. GirlDick decides to go upstairs, cuz “Ya gotta show respect.” I have a feeling she’d do very well in prison. Boogie’s also kissing butt, cuz Shane’s sister lives right by where his mom lives! Wowee! “We’re like family, as long as Shane’s HOH!” HAHA. Boogie’s an ass, but he’s a funny ass.