Okay, let’s talk about this. First of all, I love this so much. Even though this plan seems ridiculously overcomplicated and mostly for show, it is just wonderful to behold, especially because it involves making Danielle, the girl who worships him, SOB HEAVING SOBS OF DESPERATION AND MISERY in front of him as he coldheartedly watches. How is anyone fooled by this? This is the gamiest game move that has ever been gamed. I’d be suspicious if someone like Jenn pulled this crap, let alone DAN, one of the two sneakiest guys to ever be on this show. And yet, no one does.
Danielle is shocked!
Coming up after the break: will Danielle still be shocked??
Welcome back. SHE’S STILL SHOCKED!!
Dan takes off, while everyone comforts Danielle, who is acting like a Civil War widow after being informed her husband is dead. To her credit, Danielle doesn’t forget to use this to her adVADGtage: “Shane, can we go lay down?” Damn, this girl will not back off that dick for ANYTHING. “Do you want us to come with?” Britney asks, following her. “No, I just want Shane,” Danielle weeps. Perfect. Danielle and Shane climb into bed, as Shane awkwardly pats Danielle on the back.
Meanwhile, Dan goes upstairs to “apologize in private” to Frank, and for some reason nobody tries to stop this from happening. You guys, THINK FOR A SECOND. Good lord. Dan immediately sits down and spills everything out: Ian sold out Boogie and Frank last week, Ian has been in a Quack Pack alliance since even before the Silent Six (ugh, these names are truly awful and I’m glad all these alliances are dead). So now, Frank wants Ian out. Going in for the jugular, Dan shows how Britney has an alliance or at least an understanding with everyone in the house, and that she is orchestrating every move without ever getting in the line of fire. My notes just say this: “WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW DAN <3<3.” He also goes as far as to explain Britney’s entire plan this week to use the two Vetoes to save the entire Quack Pack. This is a crazy Hail Mary pass and I LOVE IT.
And now Frank’s alliance with Ian and Britney is dead. Forever. DAN! YOU ARE THE BEST! He also explains to Frank that everyone in the house is pissed at him, and that no one would suspect that he would work with Danielle (or that she would work with him, rather) or Frank or Jenn, so that should be the new alliance. Frank is immediately on board. Dan reveals the Bible he brought up with him, and he swears on it that he is telling the whole truth, and the crazy thing is that he actually IS telling the truth. Dan, I could not love you more.