Are you ready for the dullest episode of the season? THAT’S THE SPIRIT! Listen: we have a lot of reasons to be down on the United States these days (people shoving fried chicken in their mouths to show how much they hate gays, a bumbling buffoon traveling around the world to represent us, the continued existence of True Blood, etc.), and a slow season of Big Brother is the VERY LAST THING WE NEED. But that’s what we have. So! Let’s try something new in this recap, shall we? As we delve deeper and deeper into the boring, tedious depths of this episode, I will be counting down the 10 hottest U.S. male Olympians. I hope it makes you feel a little better about our country.
Anyway! If you recall, Shane (stupidly) won the Power of Veto and actually used it on Ashley, to nominate Frank and backdoor him out of the house. Hooray! So exciting! This sort of shit rarely happens, and I was genuinely happy to see someone trying to mix it up. Alas, as we will soon see, not only were there no fireworks post-Veto ceremony, but there wasn’t even the faintest aroma of smoke. And, as we will see even later, this was all for naught, because this hour is dedicated to one thing: bringing the coaches into the game.
“Hello, I’m Julie Chen, and our voting system is shadier than Iran’s.”
But first! Julie greets us, looking pretty wonderful in a simple yellow dress. The uncommon dullness of her outfit matches the pace of the episode. Julie teases us with the prospect of whether or not the coaches will enter the game tonight. Let’s play along and pretend like we don’t know it’s rigged. We see the houseguests in the living room, and, uh, why is Shane wearing athletic gear? He’s not competing tonight in the HoH competition. I at first laugh this off as Shane just being an idiot, but as we will see later, this is an indication that there were some SHENANIGANS involved in this “America’s Choice” bullshit (as if we’re at all surprised).
Aaaaand the 10thsexiest US male Olympian is: David Boudia!
His hair is the worst, though.
We flash back to the Veto Ceremony, after which Boogie immediately bolts from the room. He might be upset, or he might be having incontinence issues. My money’s on the latter.
Shane apologizes to Frank and gets a friendly little ass-tap in for good measure, forgetting he is surrounded by cameras. Joe screams in the Diary Room some more, but I honestly just tune that guy out at this point. Frank and Boogie talk in private, and Frank tells Boogie he knew this was going to happen, but that Shane promised him he’s safe. Um, Frank? If Shane wanted to keep you safe, he WOULDN’T HAVE CHANGED HIS OWN NOMINATIONS TO NOMINATE YOU. I love how everyone thinks this moron is the biggest threat in the house.
“Yo, man, come back here. I don’t think I made proper contact with your ass.”