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Thursday, August 2, 2012
9:55 pm
31 Comments
Are you ready for the dullest episode of the season? THAT’S THE SPIRIT! Listen: we have a lot of reasons to be down on the United States these days (people shoving fried chicken in their mouths to show how much they hate gays, a bumbling buffoon traveling around the world to represent us, the continued existence of True Blood, etc.), and a slow season of Big Brother is the VERY LAST THING WE NEED. But that’s what we have. So! Let’s try something new in this recap, shall we? As we delve deeper and deeper into the boring, tedious depths of this episode, I will be counting down the 10 hottest U.S. male Olympians. I hope it makes you feel a little better about our country.
Anyway! If you recall, Shane (stupidly) won the Power of Veto and actually used it on Ashley, to nominate Frank and backdoor him out of the house. Hooray! So exciting! This sort of shit rarely happens, and I was genuinely happy to see someone trying to mix it up. Alas, as we will soon see, not only were there no fireworks post-Veto ceremony, but there wasn’t even the faintest aroma of smoke. And, as we will see even later, this was all for naught, because this hour is dedicated to one thing: bringing the coaches into the game.
“Hello, I’m Julie Chen, and our voting system is shadier than Iran’s.”
But first! Julie greets us, looking pretty wonderful in a simple yellow dress. The uncommon dullness of her outfit matches the pace of the episode. Julie teases us with the prospect of whether or not the coaches will enter the game tonight. Let’s play along and pretend like we don’t know it’s rigged. We see the houseguests in the living room, and, uh, why is Shane wearing athletic gear? He’s not competing tonight in the HoH competition. I at first laugh this off as Shane just being an idiot, but as we will see later, this is an indication that there were some SHENANIGANS involved in this “America’s Choice” bullshit (as if we’re at all surprised).
Aaaaand the 10thsexiest US male Olympian is: David Boudia!
His hair is the worst, though.
We flash back to the Veto Ceremony, after which Boogie immediately bolts from the room. He might be upset, or he might be having incontinence issues. My money’s on the latter.
Shane apologizes to Frank and gets a friendly little ass-tap in for good measure, forgetting he is surrounded by cameras. Joe screams in the Diary Room some more, but I honestly just tune that guy out at this point. Frank and Boogie talk in private, and Frank tells Boogie he knew this was going to happen, but that Shane promised him he’s safe. Um, Frank? If Shane wanted to keep you safe, he WOULDN’T HAVE CHANGED HIS OWN NOMINATIONS TO NOMINATE YOU. I love how everyone thinks this moron is the biggest threat in the house.
“Yo, man, come back here. I don’t think I made proper contact with your ass.”
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31 Comments
Your recaps are the best part of the show and saves me from watching it. So God give you strength to watch this. As for Big Brother what is the point any game moves you make hey wait reset. Well written shocking is right. I bet any one who saw the show tonight good luck trying to sleep after that ! Please keep watching so I don’t have to.
Glad I don’t watch. As for the Oly Men-If that’s Americas’s best ,I ‘ll wait fot the next crop. Must be global warming.
I just want to know who came up with that shitty ‘Sexist Male US Olympian’ list because I’m questioning your/their taste. Some of the men are CLEARLY out of order & the rest shouldn’t be in any sentence even containing the word sexy. I guess you’re into butta faces heh? Nothing wrong with a hot bod, but you have some dogs on that list. To each their own I guess.
On the flip side, your recap was still Gold
And oh yea…Fuck off CBS! We’re not dumb & we know what you’re up to. You’ve been fixing this game every since Jordan’s dumb ass ‘won’. You have once again ruined yet another season of what use to be the best game on tv. Brav-fucking-o.
Julie’s dress looked like a home-ec project. Not sure I’d say she looked good.
@Danny, in true BB fashion, you have the token brother as one of your Olympic hotties! How come your list doesn’t include the openly gay Tim Daley? I, like @fancyface, wasn’t that impressed with your list, but if you like it, I love it!
In terms of the episode, I fully expect that the game is rigged, which is why Chima’s meltdown over Jeff’s cout d’etat was so “epic” (thank you, Flipit, for posting that clip again last week!) But there are times when players squander their Grodner power (remember Matt and the Diamond Power of Veto that he used to eliminate Kathy in Season 12?)
But, let’s be real, if the coaches did not come back into the game, would you really want some combination of Frank or Joe, Kara, and JoJo to come back into the game? As much as the twist is bullshit and basically a replica of Daniele’s coasting the first four weeks of last season (I forget what they called that), I think it’s better ratings-wise for the returnees to play than to see the current season’s returning hamsters get a second chance.
Why do the producers of these games think we want to see old asshats come back ? Survivor I am talking to you too. Let these people have a chance to play their own game!! This is a stupid twist and I am not looking forward to even watching, but I will becuase nothing else is on. Oh Damn you BB!!
Great recap (and thanks for saving me time). I can now delete this show from my DVR.
Oh yeah – and thanks alot “America” for your vote!
Funny how every tweet that was posted (which I HATE tweets posted on my TV with a red-hot passion) prior to the big shocking annoucement that coaches could vote to re-enter was supportive of coaches re-entering. @getalife – Geez I have my fingers crossed that the coaches come back #loveBB
Wierd how Boogie had no qualms about taking the lion’s share of the 10K (nice burn Chen) but when it came to turning 100K into 500K he said NO DEAL. Does he has Genital Warts on his brain? OR Does he realize what a lame ass hated player he is and his days are numbered?
totally agree with nathan adrian at #1. i’d towel him off after he gets out of the pool anyday.
Ugh. The only way this season can redeem itself is it a noob wins HOH and puts two coaches on the block. But you know that’s not what will happen because.
And I really do believe that America voted and America wanted the coaches in the game. What they didn’t tell you is that when they say “America” they meant America, the craft services lady that makes muffins for the crew.
You silly things – did you actually think that they meant “America” to mean the general viewing population? That would just be ridiculous.
Ha – need to lay off the booze before noon (though it IS 5:00 somewhere). I was saying that a noob won’t win and put up two coaches because we’ve all been very bad humans and this is the universe’s way of getting back at us.
The fact that you find those men to be the hottest US olympians is way more controversial than the “twist”.
Lady Necklace the only exception. *drool*
I agree CL. That’s the only way to make this interesting. TAKE THE GAME BACK NEWBIES!!!
@9 Consider– I vote the latter. Mike Boogie is sooooo cringy-worthy. He always has been from his first season on the show. Does anyone remember the bumpkin he “proposed” to from Louisiana?? The girl not Doc. Will–dermaltologist to the home shopping channels.
I must take exception to the naysayers on how hot the Olympians are. I say a big thank you because they are all delicious.
I would love to see a tweet like this: this twist blows and so does Janelle!
Holy crap-I just saw the video of Sid Vicious’ ankle fracture!!!
Danny, I’m right with ya, and I didn’t even see this! My DVR was smart enough to reject it wholly and tape PR and the Olympics instead (I am sooooo frikkin livid at the frikkin coverage of the gymnastics, GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!)
I hate feeling manipulated, and that episode smacked of it soooo heavily!!!
As to your list, what are these people complaining about . . . sigh . . . myself, I prefer a real man, with some heft to him, but if I had to choose from these younglings, I think you got a pretty good slice. Danell to me is a Greek God, tho I guess he’s a Cuban God, really. So very sexy, esp for a gymnast. Sam and Jake are also very cute. Agree on the Douche factor for Lochte, and your winner, I haven’t seen, but I’ve heard him mentioned before. I’m sure if we all dug more there’d be a whole new crop of cuties in running, and jumping and discus etc.
I’ll get over the twist if Janelle eliminates Boogie right now . . . then chef . . . I cannot fucking stand that chef douche one more second, I have trouble watching these episodes I’m so overwhelmed with hate and discust. I also can’t believe this turned in his favor–I just can’t!
I, like many, do not like this twist but am happy that everyone got to play for HOH and that nobody was eliminated. I still love me some Dan and would like to see both him and Ian as final two. Then I don’t care who wins between the two. Great recap – you captured the feeling of the show perfectly!
@Beebs….Completely agree! Julie’s stylist should be fired based on that yellow monstrosity alone.
BBUK is rigging the game so the worst person in the UK can win & now Grodner is fucking up BB again. My BB summer is officially over! *turns on computer to see who’s evicted from bbuk tonight*
The PAs at the BB studios were working overtime signing up for twitter accounts under new names so they’d have at least a couple of positive twits to flash on the screen about this stupid stupid twist.
And yeah, basically the entire past week of BB was a complete waste of time.
This show sucks. Thankfully I leave on vacation next week and ordinarily I’d try to keep up with the show, but this year, I just won’t bother.
Fuck you, CBS!
No Matt Grevers? Hmmmmmm…..
God Bless the USA and God Bless you Danny for re-capping this crapfest.
On additional thought, rather than or in addition to , putting sharks in the water they should also have cannons loaded with cow dung aimed at the contestants to be shot off at random intervals. Now that’s an HOH competition.
I am now entertaining myself by speculating on ways Allison will have to make it appear legit as she is contractually obligated to keep the coaches ooops I mean new players safe until the final 4.
@Considerthis, well, I’m sure there will be numerous Pandora’s Boxes, coup d’etats, diamond powers of veto, co-veto holders (remember that bullshit to keep Rachel in the game with Jordan last season?), and any other bullshit she came come up with to screw over the New people, like she did last season.
sooooo beyond pissed at CBS right now. Sure, the past few seasons have been shady and crappy but this takes the cake. WHAT was the point of the past 3 weeks, or Shane’s (nearly EPIC) HOH week?
This is awful, I don’t even give a shit about the rest of the season because some Vet will win AGAIN, and CBS has proven they’ve fixed the show….how can I even trust the rest won’t be the result of some shady bullshit?
Annie, you can trust that whatever happens WILL be the result of shady bullshit. That’s what Big Brother has become, after all. Just more celebrity whoreism. Survivor too for that matter.
Wow. I’m astounded that I’m the only person (it seems) around here who LOVES this episode, the twist, and Boogie/Frank (and a few others…NOT the chef who never learned about having an “inside voice”).
Oh, well. Hopefully things progress and everyone starts to feel better about this season.
Speaking of scantily clad athletes…I take it we’ll have to wait for TheMiki to post the gals version?
What I hate most is all the hugging…why are they ALWAYS hugging?
Agreeing with others. Can’t we just watch a fuckin’ new show with new people. Do they think we really need to be spoon-fed former players. Big fuckin’ deal:
a big-titted blond who once has a snazzy quip 7 years ago,
a bible bashing loud-mouthed dorky junior high football coach,
some douchey, coat-tail riding, egomaniac from NH that inexplicably has restaurant success in LA
a snarky player that got duped last season
Just put new people in game and stop trying shove these former tools down our throats. I’m surprised that they didn’t bring that Evil Dick back this year because he only played one show last season.
And of course “America” was going to vote the coaches back in because unlike the small majority that likes to rail on these dickbag producers and players, the rest of “America” you know are a bunch of raging, uneducated sheep that have no barometer for quality. Of course they were going to vote the coaches back in.
Go back to superpass on 8/18/2012 12:06pm Frank explains how BIG BROTHER Riggs it. The Production gave him a POV chip with House guess choice. He palms it puts it into bag and pulls it out. LAME!!!!!