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Joe grabs Ashley and warns her Wil is seconds away from mutinying against Janelle. Ashley brings Janelle into the conversation, and now we have to watch Joe recount his conversation with Wil in full, which we just saw not THREE MINUTES AGO. Now the producers are just completely telling us, “Fuck you.”
Our 7thsexiest US male Olympian: Sam Mikulak!
Coming up: America’s Vote is REVEALED. What will it be?! The suspense is killing me. Also: @cherrygarcya thinks tonight is going to be “EPIC.” The word “epic” officially commits suicide. And later on “The Talk”, Julie Chen is going to devour LeAnn Rimes LIVE:
When we come back, we finally see the long-awaited (JK) discussion between Wil and Janelle. Will they repair their relationship, that has been strained for a whole 10 minutes?! Will they pull each others’ golden locks and have a slap-fight?! Actually, Janelle just starts crying, dabbing her eyes with a wad of tissue. Because people always just walk around with wads of tissues in their hands. Now, remember earlier when she was telling Britney she never cries? SHE’S FAKING IT NOW! Janelle crows about this in the Diary Room, but I am just so unbelievably sick of her, I can’t even take it. In true Janelle fashion, she goes way too far and starts saying stuff like, “I think you’re the frontrunner to win this game,” which tips Wil off that she’s obviously lying. Cut to Wil in the Diary Room: “Act One, Scene One: Insert waterworks.” His pre-rehearsed Diary Room “jokes” are usually pretty cringe-worthy, but that was all right.
They exchange fake Love You/Love You More! hugs and it’s just nauseating. Meanwhile, Frank and Boogie talk to Dan about getting Danielle to vote for Frank. Danielle may or may not be in the room during this segment; I don’t remember. Also, does it really matter? Can a brainless entity such as Danielle ever be said to truly be in a room?
Anyway, Dan finds Danielle later (“Oh! Hi! …What’s your name again?”) and tells her to work with Frank and Boogie. Which is a smart move, because obviously you want to keep Frank and Shane and Wil all against each other for as long as possible. If you’re a dumb girl in this game, just keep the macho guys in the house, because they’re far too self-absorbed and misogynistic to ever notice you until you’re in the final two and they’re sitting on the jury. Also, let me go on the record and say I FULLY support any plan that hinges on voting Joe out.
The problem, of course, is that Danielle doesn’t want to go against Shane’s wishes, because she looooooves him. Dan gives her a speech about playing the game like a “cutthroat assassin,” which is actually pretty good, especially because it involves him mocking America’s Sweetheart Rachel Reilly by saying, “No one gets between me and my Shane!” Whoa, Pastor Dan! Didn’t know you had a sense of humor!