Our 3rdsexiest US male Olympian: Giuseppe Lanzone!
Um, WHUUUUUT? This is what the Winklevoss twins aspire (and fail) to be. I want to spend a weekend in Cape Cod reading by the fire next to this magnificent son of a bitch.
It’s time for the HoH competition. Shane is allowed to play, which is bullllllllshit, because he obviously knew beforehand, hence the athletic attire. Everyone knows this show is bullshit and rigged, but do they have to be so obvious about it? Now it’s just insulting. Anyway, everyone’s standing on tiny platforms and hanging onto the side of a fake pirate ship. Whoever stays on the longest wins. Ugh, so we’re not even going to find out the new HoH this episode?! God, fuck this show so much.
PUT SHARKS IN THE WATER!
We sit and watch people standing over a pool of water in silence for, like, two whole minutes, and it is just riveting television, let me tell you. Finally, Julie pipes up and says there are “rough seas ahead” and the stupid fake pirate ship starts creaking back and forth. @gbpackers_diva wants a newbie to win this, if you’re wondering. We go to commercials. I’m pretty sure everyone I love is nothing but skeletons and dust at this point. I don’t even remember what the outside world looks like.
It’s time for our 2ndsexiest US male Olympian: Troy Dumais!
This picture should be illegal. He just did a synchronized dive with my HEART (what?).
Finally, we go back to the competition, and Julie says there’s “bad weather” ahead and now water is being poured on them. Duh. Of course that would happen. Can’t wait to see who (Janelle) wins! (Janelle.)
What do you think? Is there any chance Janelle doesn’t win this competition? Are you for or against the coaches coming back into the game? Do you think “fairness” even deserves to be discussed in regards to Big Brother these days, or have we all signed up to watch Allison Grodner’s carnival of madness, regardless of rules or logic?
And now, let’s all cleanse our palates with our #1 sexiest male US Olympian:
NATHAN ADRIAN! Is there any other option?!
If this man isn’t consuming your every thought, you’re doing something wrong.
In spite of Big Brother, god bless America.
To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter. You can post your favorite lines right back at us. If you want to play games and socialize, like our Facebook page! We’re also now on Pinterest and Tumblr! Thanks for being a part of the gasm!
To follow my personal tweets, click here.