“Hey, remember the Quack Pack?” Danielle basically asks. FLASHBACK. Ugh. Who cares about reliving this?! We learn from a NEW, VERY EXCITING SCENE that Britney accidentally bestowed the name Quack Pack upon America by sarcastically suggesting it as a terrible alliance name, which the rest of the morons eagerly lapped up. Well, now that we know the horrible name is actually an ironic name from our beloved Britney, I’m not quite sure how to feel. My axis has shifted. Let’s move on.
Do we want a flashback of when the coaches walked into the house? No? Well, too bad, we’re getting it! Back in real time, everyone agrees they were nervous about Janelle. This is very interesting, because, as we all know, Janelle proved to be a fierce competitor who made it very far in this season and was just a total mastermind. Right? Ugh.
We get an extended version of the scene with Janelle and Britney discussing the fact that Janelle never shows emotions. Remember that boring scene from 2 months ago? Well, now we get EVEN MORE of it! We are so blessed, you guys.
Uh oh, hold the phone, it’s time for some Bible talk! Apparently Mike Boogie once read the Bible in the house. We learn this through a 5-minute clip of Mike Boogie reading the Bible, and then other people expressing amazement at the fact that Mike Boogie is, in fact, reading the Bible. Guys: relax. This is literally the opposite of interesting news.
“You know, I knew the guy who wrote this.”
Back to real time: “Remember when Britney was on the block and she had to blow off some steam, so she threw stuff around the house?” Dan asks. WHAT A NATURAL SENTENCE FOR A HUMAN TO CASUALLY SAY OVER MIMOSAS.
FLASHBAAAACK. Britney is throwing things in the kitchen. It’s kind of funny, but I refuse to smile out of protest for this bullshit episode. Frank gives her his stupid teddy bear to beat up. She beats it up, violently. I smirk a little, because Britney is fun. Case in point, her breakdown involved playing the stab-a-knife-between-your-fingers game, and it was terrifying and funny:
Truly a house of nightmares.
Remember Willie vs. Frank? Of course we do! Who could ever forget Froot Loopgate! They play us the extended version of the argument, which is like 5 minutes long, and honestly what is the fucking point of this? Frank and Willie are screaming nuanced details at each other about who stabbed whom in the back, and they are laying out strategies involving, like, Janelle and Jojo. Um, who? What is the point of this? The only reason I would want to see this is to gain some more insight into why Froot Loops became an integral part of the argument, but nothing more is brought to light on that end. It’s just as mysterious as it was when we saw it three months ago, only now we’ve seen this stupid argument twice, and we are all that much closer to our deaths. Thanks, CBS.