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Last week on Big Brother: the producers changed everything and blamed it on “America,” and now everything is bullshit.
We resume during the HoH competition, in which all 12 contestants (UGH, I can’t believe how many are still left in this game) are hanging from a fake pirate ship as water is poured on their heads. Boogie says that it’s just like walking in on night one. Yeah! Except night one happened a month ago, and you’ve had a whole month to learn how everyone in the game plays, to make solid relationships with a few players, and to manipulate and eliminate people without ever once putting yourself in any danger. But other than that, it’s JUST like you’re starting at the beginning!
Ian (and his erect nipples) says looking at how the numbers in the game have changed made his stomach feel sick. Amen, Ian. All in all, it seems the new kids are pretty damn pissed at the producers. And if these are the Diary Room segments we’re allowed to see, imagine what elsethese people are saying to the producers! Joe yells how upset he is that he worked all week to get Frank voted out, and then Frank was miraculously saved by the producers. Damn right, Joe! Now go shave.
Meanwhile, the coaches are thrilled. Britney explains that she had no choice but to reenter the game, as she was basically guaranteed to lose if Shane was her only player. Dan just wanted to play again because he thinks it’s fun (and, let’s face it, he’ll probably win again). Janelle gives one of her oddly scripted-seeming interviews and says, “Duh, I wanna play Big Brother! [Fake giggle.]” Ugh. I jumped off the Janelle Train so quickly I snapped my neck on a power line (what?).
Boogie complains that he was “running this game” and was going to win $100,000 and now he’s in a terrible position. Poor, poor Boogie has no idea that Frank was actually going to get blindsided tonight, which is one of the biggest problems with this shitty twist. We missed out on a huge blindside! God, fuck this twist so much. Why were we spared the awesome sight of a petulant Boogie meltdown?
But I spoke too soon! All is not lost: Dan immediately grabs Boogie as they’re walking out to the challenge and tells him that Frank was actually going to get booted out tonight. Dan explains to us that he figures someone will let it slip, so he thought he should be the one to break the news, to try to get Boogie to start trusting him. Boogie, however, starts to panic at the realization that Dan was lying to him all week. Uh, duh, Dan. You didn’t think he’d realize that?