Big Brother Recap: Everybody Puts Boogie in the Corner

Recaps

By Danny | Sunday, August 5, 2012 | 7:54 pm | 26 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Big Brother, Recaps

Is this challenge over yet? We’ve been watching people hang onto a boat for, like, half an hour. Good lord. Everyone looks miserable, except Danielle, who is casually hanging there with her hands in her pockets, which is kind of more badass than I expected from Danielle. Janelle jumps off at the three-hour mark, trusting Britney to win. So all that’s left are Danielle, Britney, and Ian’s nipples.

We get a lot of Diary Room sessions explaining that the game has changed now that the coaches are regular players. OH REALLY? TELL US MORE. And then we go to commercials, during which I learn there is an app called the “Big Brother Cornhole Game,” which is just too horrible an image to even process.

Back in the challenge, Shane promises Danielle another kiss if she wins, which is kind of gross and a little insulting? Since Danielle is a smitten idiot, though, this makes her swoon. Ian is struggling, so he tries to strike up a deal with Britney and Danielle. Ha! I love when people who are obviously going to lose endurance challenges try to strike a deal. You don’t have a chance, dude. Jump off and hope they won’t nominate you. As Ian tells Danielle, “I won’t put you up!” Dan comes storming over and gives a massive Braveheart speech: “YOU SET THE DEAL, YOU DON’T TAKE THE DEAL,” he demands, pacing back and forth in front of the boat and pounding his chest like a deranged soccer mom. “YOU WANT TO WIN THIS GAME? IT STARTS NOW,” he shouts. Actually, Dan, for her it started a month ago, but thanks for catching up.

“LOUDNESS EQUALS INSPIRATION!”

Oddly, no one makes fun of this overdramatic speechifying. Does Dan do this a lot and they’re just used to it? Meanwhile, people start to notice that Frank and Boogie have retreated inside, presumably for some make-out time. Boogie tells Frank that he was going to lose tonight, and that Danielle and Wil were both going to flip and vote for Joe to stay. “We ride or die,” says Boogie, and let me remind you that this man is 42 YEARS OLD.

Ian finally falls off the ship after both girls promise him he won’t get nominated. Then Britney tells Danielle, “I love you,” and jumps off, giving Danielle the Head of Household. Dan immediately sprints out and grabs Danielle in a Dirty Dancing pose, which, again, is really overdramatic. Relax, Dan. It’s Big Brother. But things take a turn for the worse when Shane sprints out, throws Danielle in the water, and starts making out with her in front of everyone. It looks VERY sincere.

Danielle: “I love you!”

Shane: “I love the sense of relief you’re giving my mom!”

“I hate hate hate hate that Danielle is the HoH this week,” whines Mike “Boogie” Malin, a 42-year-old washed-up reality star, stomping around the house like a child on his way to being grounded. Boogie brags that he only learned “this chick’s” name three days ago, which makes him look SO COOL, right?! This guy has only become more odious since he first appeared on TV 10 years ago.

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Danny
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Born under an ultra-rare "slunar eclipse" (when the moon passes behind the sun), Danny fears he may be the messiah humanity has been promised. Sorry to disappoint everyone, but he's all you've got. His most embarrassing moment came when he carried his wet underwear on the subway in a plastic bag after drunkenly wetting his boyfriend's bed. Follow him on Twitter for really shitty jokes: twitter.com/dgottleib

26 Comments

  1. 1
    Chicken Lips
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    So Boogs was offended that he wasn’t nominated. I kind of see his point. Most people in the house know he is an old arrogant obnonxious blowhard who is about as threatening as a legless spider and will be especially useless once his lapdog Frank is gone. Yeah, you’re right Boogs, I’d be offended that they though I was old, too. Those whippersnappers!

  2. 2
    Pat_said
    Posted August 5, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Great recap! I loved the line about Shane just liking to see a room redecorated. I noticed this last week but all of the coaches were also wearing athletic outfits, save for Boogie because he can’t not look pathetic for one minute. That doesn’t seem suspicious though.

  3. 3
    brzysmom12
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 1:15 am

    Pitiful, sad, mopey, pathetic grandpa Boogs is not only mad that he got played but he’s also mad at being put in the game since he didn’t want to work at all this summer. He just came into the game as the world’s most disputed, legend in his own mind, “Best BB player” and thought he was gonna coast his way to winning as a so-called coach. He makes it well known he doesn’t like women at all and doesn’t think any female can beat him at this game. He’s just too ridiculous but at the same time hilarious to watch him say all these things thinking that people believe he’s so good at this game. They are all playing him and it’s hysterical! Love your recaps by the way!

  4. 4
    hot cawfee
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 6:10 am

    Hey– just a thought—-Why doesn’t CBS have reality starts cross shows ??? I’d love to see Papa Boogs on Survivor. I am sure he and his extensive basketball jersey avec matching hat collection could really rock that show.

    Thank you for recapping this show Danny— I just can’t watch

  5. 5
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 6:24 am

    It’s hard to be interested in this show when on Sunday’s you have Mob Wives, Big Ang, Newsroom and True Blood. I guess I’ll get to it when I get to it.

    Thanks for the recap Danny!

    Still pissed Ian jumped off. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

  6. 6
    mehrcat
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Bad marks to Ian for his counting, first he was one in seven then he was one in twelve.
    Janelle won’t win any prizes for powers of description either. Ian, “What was the reset button like?”
    Janelle, “It was a big huge button”.
    I hope Boogie goes soon, he must be running out of hats, so it’s about time. How deluded can anybody be, the self-proclaimed king of the house? On the other hand his riduculous cockiness makes for cringe worthy TV, so better keep him there. He runs/owns a restaurant? I thought he made hats and was doing product placement. I have yet to see him wearing a hat that suited him. You need a forehead for that.
    The shoutiness has spread from Joe to Dan. Maybe Big Brother could remind these 2 that there is actually a microphone in the diary room.

    Kepp up the good work Danny!

  7. 7
    featherhead
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Poor Boogie, he’s a legend in his own mind! He does own restaurants (ketchup that’s closed and Geisha House) and actually had a show on VH1 where they (him and he’s partner) taught celebtards to own a restaurant. Danielle from Jersey, Heidi Montag and I forget the rest. His partner seemed to do most of the talking.

    Ian should have stayed up there to the end! It seemed to be rigged for the smaller people.

  8. 8
    considerthis
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Not on the Dan Bandwagon and respectfully question your claim of Dan being “too good” at manipulating Danielle into putting up his nominees as it is comparable to me manipulating my dog into taking his heartworm meds by wrapping them in chipped ham. Is Dan a mastermind of persuasion or is Danielle completely stupid and spineless – discuss…

    Also thought Dan channeling his inner Vince Lombardi was slightly obnoxious – I get it that he is a coach for a living (after 300 remnders) but you coach at the high-school level in Michigan – check yourself superman.

    HATE endurance challenges as first, they span over 2 episodes second watching players hang off a wall and do bitch and moan diary room confessions about “how bad it hurts” “how cold the water is” etc etc for almost half the fucking show is way more tortorous for the viewers than the houseguests!

    I think Danielle might be on to something with Janelle as Janeel does not seem to like her and would not be surprised if Dani enters into her crosshairs soon.

    Wil mugging for the cameras during his confessional time is either helarious or pathetic – can’t decide???

    Wonder what Groedner would have done if AMerica would have voted to keep the game the same – I guess we would have have 4 weeks of test patterns on Sun/Weds/Thurs in September? I also think she is contractually obligated to keep Boogie around for as long as possible ala Rachel.

  9. 9
    Poochini109
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 10:28 am

    I think BB really missed a fun opportunity…
    they should have brought the coaches back into the game (and with none of the “America voted” bs) and THEN had the eviction vote with the coaches voting too! Then to make the numbers right, they should have brought back poor Jodi from night #1. That would have been fun.

    Hate Boogie.

  10. 10
    Poochini109
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 11:03 am

    “Shane and Frank whisper and agree they’ll each put up two coaches. I love how these two continue to act like they’re BFFs. Just fight, already!”

    ……Or kiss…..

  11. 11
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    I want BB to bring KARA back. Let’s see what happens when Danielle realizes that Shane is playing her. THAT would be interesting.
    If I see Joe’s ugly-ass face with his good ole boy loudmouth on camera again I am gonna scream. How the hell does his wife put up with this? Well, she could be deaf. That would explain things.
    Wil may be bitching about Dan’s tactics but Dan’s tactics won him BB.
    How about the next competition would be to find Wil’s missing “l”…
    And Feather got it right – Boogie is a legend in his own mind.

  12. 12
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Did my ears deceive me or did I hear Wil mocking Danielle’s hick accent? I remember that he got pretty upset when Frank told him Willie was imitating his manner of speaking.

  13. 13
    juddfan
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Cranky, I believe it was implied he was making fun of him being gay . . . by doing a dead on impersonation-that was Shouty’s work.

    I can’t stand Snot (yes, I’m calling him Snot from now on, esp in that green, how dare he desecrate my favorite color!) I literally couldn’t watch. I knew he was going to go ballistic and get lots of DR, and I just can’t. Get rid of the blight that is Snot. I guess some of you have found a way to “love to hate” but I can’t. I do pity the pathetic dunce, but I can’t help people with such delusions. I guess it’s not his fault he was a buzzard in a previous life, but “you’re born naked, and the rest is drag”. He couldn’t possibly make it worse! (yes, that is a Ru Paul quote)

    I was really thankful for the feeds this time around, so I felt like I wouldn’t miss anything zipping to the nominations. I was struck by how long the challenge went on. I still don’t see why One L keeps getting singled out.

    Dan giving any excuse at all to not nominate two coaches makes me BURN!!!! F him, and his protective, elitist ways . . . they’ve already had a month of safeness, F them all!!!!!

    Does anyone think it’s a victory for TPTB that we get so pissed!? It must be, right? and now I’m guilty too . . . awwww . . .

    Anyway, thanks Danny for being my Live show eyes!

  14. 14
    featherhead
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    @juddfan – you lost me. Who is “snot “

  15. 15
    juddfan
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    erm . . . isn’t Boogie Snot? Alright, maybe that’s the harder version of snot, or the balled version . . . I know, ew . . .

  16. 16
    WaffleBoy
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Great recap, thanks!
    Also, am I the only one who thinks Boogie looks like the kind of guy who takes your baby after spinning straw into gold, if you don’t know that his real name is Rumpelstiltskin?

  17. 17
    atcmurph
    Posted August 6, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    I could not believe Boogie pulled the “don’t these people know who I am?” card. He is heinous beyond belief.

    @hot cawfee…CBS has had reality stars cross shows. Most recently Brendon and Rachael on The Amazing Race (my very favorite show).

  18. 18
    itchy itchy
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 1:06 am

    The entire problem with this season is that none — not a single one– of these people are engaging at all. I want them all to fail.

  19. 19
    featherhead
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 1:59 am

    Thanks Juddfan – I couldn’t figure out which idiot you were talking about. Now I get it :)

  20. 20
    Deguy123
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 5:38 am

    Itchy I agree! Besides Britney, I could really care less who wins. I only like Britney because of her impressions of people, she is usually dead on!

    I just don’t get my people dont want to get the Winners from past seasons OUT! That would be my first goal!

  21. 21
    TheMiki themiki
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 6:38 am

    Danielle is an idiot, but that could keep her in the game for a very long time. Being easily manipulated means that Dan, Shane, and Brit will all work their butts off to keep her around to do their bidding. And anyone with any sense will see that Danielle is just the puppet, so when they get a chance to evict someone from that alliance it’ll be Dan or Shane or Brit. I bet even Wil, who is feeling very catty and back-stabbed right now, will go after Dan if he survives.

    How did Dan convince everyone on his team that it was no big deal that he narced them all out to Boogie? Cause I’d have been pissed about that shit.

  22. 22
    zerocool
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Because Dan is the master at this game.

  23. 23
    itchy itchy
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 8:16 am

    It appears that Wil’s onto Dan’s tricks, however.

  24. 24
    juddfan
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Featherhead, yea, in retrospect, there were lots of people wearing green in the recap.

    Itchy, I still have hope for One L, but I am not getting to see or hear much about him, except he can be bitchy and catty . . . which, fits right in with me . . . hee . . .

    Snot’s other pathetic shirt should have said “Bromance?”

    If I could reach into the nethers of TVGasm, I’d add a giant “L” to his forehead!

  25. 25
    aholic
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 10:01 am

    mehrcat – Ian was counting one of the nominees as being out the door. So instead of being down to 7, the four coaches came in PLUS Frank stayed…making it 12.

  26. 26
    Tiatchi
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Love the title

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