Wait! I spoke too soon! After Joe reads his “punishment,” a big, fake thing everyone is calling a comet (which really just looks like a large steak? It’s honestly a really, really terrible-looking THING, whatever it is) comes out and starts whacking people as they spin past it. Ian calls out the appearance of this terrible prop, explaining that comets are made out of ice, so designing a comet to look red and fiery doesn’t make sense. Um, Ian? YOU GUYS ARE THE ONES WHO STARTED CALLING IT A COMET. Who’s to say it’s not supposed to be a meteor burning up in our atmosphere? Or what if it’s just a big piece of meat that’s aimlessly drifting through space? Also, why are you not pointing out the factual inaccuracies with the fact that the sun is ejaculating spray tan liquid? If we’re going for the most accurate scientific representation of our solar system in this competition, then shouldn’t you all be blasted by radiation as you circle that close to the sun? Whoever wins HoH gets free chemo!
Ah yes, the rarely seen Flanksteak Comet.
Anyway, Jenn falls after 5 minutes on the swings, because this is Jenn we’re talking about. I’m sure she thinks falling after 5 minutes is some sort of a “big move.” The chemicals in her terrible hairstyle are seeping into her brain.
Then we get a flashback to five hours before the eviction, when Ian and Dan apparently resuscitated the Quack Pack. Dan explains the Diary Room that, duh, of COURSE he’ll sign up for a second alliance. So now Dan is aligned with everyone in the house but Joe. Everyone on this show is so dumb. Make it harder for Dan, producers! Jesus Christ.
Back to the competition! Now that we know the Quack Pack (UGH, welcome back, you miserable nickname) is alive and well, we see that the remaining four competitors are, in fact, Quack Packers. Dramatic irony, folks. Soak it up. This means that, no matter what happens, Dan is safe once again. THAT GUY. What a smooth player.
“You guys are joking with this cast, right?”
Danielle drops after 34 minutes. Jenn is now nervous to have to count on Dan for her safety this week, seeing as he’s basically never won a competition. And then, of course, he falls. Frank is shocked, which shows how fucking stupid these guys are. How are you shocked anymore when Dan throws a competition?! Why do I let this show frustrate me so much?!
So now it’s just Ian and Shane left, and now we can all rest easily knowing this whole episode will be 40 minutes of filler until Jenn and Frank are ultimately nominated. And then Frank will win the Veto, and then Jenn will leave on Thursday, which is just PERFECT, because remember how I said last week two seconds after she aligned with Frank that that is exactly what happens to everyone who aligns with him? I will be very amused watching Jenn walk out the door.
“I miss meth.”