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Sunday, September 2, 2012
7:45 pm
22 Comments
Tagged: bad episode, big brother, everyone sucks, funny, reality, recap, so terrible, tvgasm
This competition has been going on for too long. We get a montage of Ian teaching everyone about space, the first of like THREE “Ian is smart” montages this episode. Shane asks everyone to go inside so he can talk to Ian alone. Shane asks for safety for him and Danielle. Ian promises. Shane falls. Ian wins HoH. Was this competition aired in real time? Good lord.
Frank Diary Rooms that he’s nervous. WE KNOW YOU ARE, YOU’VE SAID IT 15 TIMES IN THE PAST 10 MINUTES. Dan Diary Rooms that he’s now best friends with the Quack Pack again, which is both amusing and extremely upsetting, since it’s never fun to watch someone have such an easy go of things.
Later, Shane is showering, and Danielle is (of course) hovering outside the door. Has this guy had a shower in the past 3 months that hasn’tincluded Danielle standing nearby? I bet he hasn’t. She pesters him by constantly whispering, “SHANE. SHANE. PSST, SHANE,” to get his attention, and he looks exactly as amused by it as I am. He reassures her that they’re safe, and then she Diary Rooms, “Right now, Shane’s becoming my knight in shining armor, being super protective of me.” Honestly, she’s starting to terrify me. This segment ends with Danielle continuing to whisper, “SHANE. SHAAAAANE,” as Shane pretends not to hear her while he scrubs his balls. Nice one, editors.
“PSST. Shane. Are you thinking about me in there?
“…………Yes. I am…. very sexually attracted to you. As a female. With a vagina. I think about vaginas in the shower.”
Joe tells Frank that Dan and Jenn will be the two nominees, showing exactly how smart Joe is at this game.
Back to Fatal Attraction: Big Brother! Danielle gossips with Jenn about whether or not she’ll end up fucking Shane. Are we going to witness reality television’s first-ever female-on-male rape? “We have not even kissed since the pirate ship,” complains Danielle. Jenn tells Danielle that, two days ago, Shane referred to Danielle as “my girlfriend.” JENN. WHY ARE YOU ENCOURAGING THIS. YOU WILL HAVE SHANE’S BLOOD ON YOUR CONSCIENCE. Of course, Danielle starts literally swooning as the editors play over-the-top romantic music. At least the editors are having fun.
“I can’t believe Shane and I are married!”
Time to see Ian’s HoH room. “Ian, your mom is HOT,” declares Shane at a family picture, because that is something he knows straight dudes say to other straight dudes. One of Ian’s presents is a crystallized piece of Bismuth, and now we get another “Ian is smart!” segments. I love how people who know, like, that the Periodic Table of Elements is not a LITERAL table are treated like freaks of nature on Big Brother. “Look at the learnin’ guy showin’ off his smarts! So random!” says CBS.
And now we are literally watching rocks.
22 Comments
The “Christmas” decorations were all secular, so as to not offend anyone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas as the birth of Christ.
But WTH!!!! OMG!!!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!! Good grief….I LOATHE Jesse. And Jesse in a Speedo is repulsive. I shudder to think where he tucked the mic pack.
Eeewwwwww.
Jesse is now a sacred Big Brother tradition. To me, no season of Big Brother can really be complete without an appearance by the wonderful Mr. Pectacular. What a thrill. The only disappointment about Jesse’s showing up is that he did not get an opportunity to “pump up” that little girly man Ian.
I thought it was a cute episode (except Jesse – he is so not cute). Funny recap, especially the Shane and Danielle shower. And Jenn, feeding that fire (Danielle as Shane’s girlfriend) – boy she’s not too bright!
How has Chooch managed to convince TPTB that it is imperative that Jesse show up very frikken season?
I think Chooch has “misted” tptb so that she gets her dose of Jesse each year. His ego grows as fast as his chest – I do not find him attractive at all! I would love to think that Jenn is feeding crap to Danielle so that she can watch the crazy happen. It was a very boring episode, made even worse by having 2 good ones just before. I hope that the one on Wednesday is much better but don’t hold out much hope.
muscle clause!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
they need to get frank out of that house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok….its been confirmed shane is gay…must be..the guy is wearing girly shirts and a chick is begging him come on board the Danielle express and he hangs with the guys!!!
alicecarroll13…Shane might just have an aversion to crazy, clingy women. Danielle might be pretty when you first see her, but the more you see of her personality, the less attractive she is.
Or maybe he’s also gay.
I need my head examined. I kinda thought Jessie looked sexy… Oh dear.
Of course Jessie’s SEXY. (uh, on the outside.) On the inside? Not so sexy. He’s more of a lunkhead.
Loved the look on Danielle’s face when Jenn said Shane referred to her as his “girlfriend.” I think Shane does see Danielle as his “girlfriend” — in the way that many gay men see “fag hags” as their girlfriends.
Joe does have a purpose on this show. He’s there to ramp up the testosterone level and bring some manliness to the house.
BTW: Dan won’t win unless, in the coming weeks, the producers thwart everyone’s attempts to get him out of the house.
Danielle needs to learn the difference between girlfriend and gurrl-friend.
Would shock treatments erase my memory of that Jessie segment?
Frank is sooooooooooooooo effin stoooooooopid!
Jesse didn’t say health-not, he said health-nut! Definitely a producer-fed line, since, bless his heart, that’s a level of coherence that’s well beyond his abilities.
Shane is gay, there is just no way he can be straight. I’m sorry but I’ve seen straight guys who are maybe alittle girly but they don’t go around getting all excited flexing with a man. The shower scene was probably right after jessie left and he had to take care of himself. I’m even more convinced with his comment about “girlfriend” which someone pointed out means “GurlllFRIEND”.
I mean Jenn is just getting on my nerves with her “I’m going to play now”. SEND HER HOME!
Ok, now I’m just frustrated. I don’t want either to win, but in the past Ian has kept on and on about how the only way to get Frank out is to backdoor him, which is true since he wins EVERY veto…so then when he’s HOH, he nominates him? wtf?
And good grief…..Jenn thinks she’s a huge target now ….. bwaahaahaaa. She’s an idiot.
@Nikki – I think that Frank cannot compete for the Veto this week, so no harm no foul in nominating him for eviction. I am saying this based on the recaps that I read on this site, as I stopped watching the show a month ago (thank god I didn’t have to see idiot Jesse this summer).
@Philo, he did play for veto this week because he was talking about it on BBAD. I can’t tell you if he won or not since that would upset people who don’t want Wednesday night’s CBS episode spoiled for them. What he can’t play is for HOH next time.
@philo – is it veto that frank has to sit out? i thought it was just HOH?
I thought the comet looked like a ballsack. I couldn’t stop laughing every time it came out. I know I’m like an adolescent boy – can’t help it.
Why with only 8 houseguests remaining one of which has the HOH room do Dan and Shane have to share a bed? Oh that’s right Dan swore on a bible during his wedding vowss that he is not gay.
Good old damage control Dan hard at work. He makes a douche move then pleads with America to love him with a casual “oooops my bad”. Every time he delivers a good bye message to an evicted house guest he “sincerely wishes it did not have to go down like that” or he “tried to turn the vote around”. Dan you are a liar and a bullshitter – welcome to the club.
Random thoughts: As I watch my bent knuckle strike the keyboard I can help but recall Jessie in a Speedo. The roids might increase some muscles but not your love muscle. Shane even has a pink towel. Danielle will be serving boiled bunny for dinner sometime soon.
My bad on my earlier comment. It was during a Veto comp that Frank chose to not play for HOH next time he is eligible. Nikki’s comment makes perfect sense…
I thought the comet also looked like a giant tongue. I knew Ian would win, and I’m glad. He will, possibly, if Frank win’s veto, back door Dan . . . I’d enjoy that!
Weird how Chef keeps squeaking by . . .
Jessie makes me smile now because I know that Chooch loves him, and I can experience her happiness vicariously!!!
My keyboard started to ooze with Chooch’s pleasure.
lmao @ ballsack comet. Shane loved having that flung his way.
I too would enjoy a Dan backdoor this week. Yes, Dan is genuinely a good and deserving player (in a house full of idiots but whatev) & I give credit where due, but he just gets on my last nerve. He’s shady & shouty & grating & looks like he smells. Next season I would love to see a brilliant strategic mastermind who also happens to be likeable and a joy to watch.
Ian annoys as well, but I could stomach an Ian win.