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Hey guys, it’s me, Danny! Let’s jump right into this bullshit!
Julie Chen is here with us tonight! No matter how terribly slow the live shows are, you can always count on Julie’s eccentric wardrobe and robotic laughter to bring some joy into the hour. Sadly, Julie opted for a rather calm dress, only notable for a large, magenta arrow pointing directly at her cleavage.
Okay, can we talk about the new theme song? It’s the worst, right? I don’t know whose bright idea it was to remix the theme song with some dubstep, but it constantly makes me think my cable is dropping out every few seconds. This show always felt a little cheap and under-produced, but now I’m pretty sure it’s just completely run by a couple of interns. Their bosses stopped checking in on them years ago.
After we suffer through our Big-Brother-meets-Skrillex moment, Julie reminds us that Britney and Janelle are effectively in an alliance against Boogie and Dan, who are themselves falling apart, seeing as their players are on the block against each other. But first! Do the coaches really control the game? Don’t tease us, Julie, get to the goods!
Patented blue-and-white flashback to Shane not using the Power of Veto. He says in the Diary Room that he doesn’t want “new blood” on his hand, which begs the question: where did the old blood come from? What is Shane not telling us? On a more serious note, it begs the question: THEN WHY DID YOU WIN THE VETO?! I didn’t understand this on Wednesday, and I still don’t understand it. Why would you want to win the Veto in the first week, when you’re guaranteed to piss someone off by either using it or not using it. Aaaaaand I don’t really know why I’m thinking logically when trying to decipher Shane’s motives.
Kara is surprisingly smart enough to realize she needs five votes to stay, or at least four votes to tie, at which point she would need Willie to break the tie and save her. This more or less marks the last time Kara will speak this entire episode.
While Kara counts and re-counts her fingers and toes to try to tally up hypothetical votes, Frank actually takes matters into his own hands and goes up to Willie’s HoH room to talk strategy. Has Willie left his bed ever in the past week? I can’t remember the last time I saw this guy’s legs when they weren’t covered by three layers of blankets. He’s the FDR of Big Brother.
Willie promises Frank he’s safe, and then, in true Hantz fashion, vaguely threatens him: “The only way [you won’t be safe] is if you run around and start talking to people. If you turn on me, I will vomit.” Okay, that last part wasn’t very intimidating, Willie. Might want to work on your threats there. “If you turn on me, I will probably catch a slight fever.”