Julie, deciding this segment hasn’t been creepy and misogynistic ENOUGH, offers Kara these parting words: “You should know that you have your supporters – even Hugh Hefner tweeted, ‘Go Kara!’ “ Wow, let’s just move on, because Kara is making me very depressed.
“Now, Kara, before you go: give us one last look at your boobies?”
Before we watch the live HoH challenge, we have to see clips from last night, where the houseguests were woken up all night long by these stupid “BB TV” breaking news updates. Basically, a fat man in a black-and-white striped shirt kept breaking into their house and causing stupid mischief. It is, truly, one of the most worthless things I have witnessed on television in a long time, and it makes me grieve for our nation. The fat burglar eats food, steals things, and shaves his legs. You know, normal burglar things.
Sneak preview of Ocean’s 14!
Finally, we can do the HoH competition. They’re all in their little booths in the backyard, and Julie is going to ask them questions about what the burglar did, and they have to say if he’s “guilty” or “not guilty” of doing those things. We honestly had to sit through that whole thing just so we could have a true or false quiz? Lovely.
Anyway, Shane is out first, because he’s very simple, and then a few rounds later everyone gets wiped out in one question, except for Frank and Wil. Frank does some really aggressive clapping that makes me cheer against him, but he ends up winning HoH. Willie hands over the key without even standing up, and Frank and Boogie hug and dance all around the backyard in a really awful display. Boogie prances around, shouting and throwing his hands up, as if he had ANYTHING to do with this victory. This is already going to be a very annoying week.
“Here comes my celebratory FART.”
As we go to commercials, Julie teases, “It’s time to throw a wrench into the coaches’ game.” We also see on the bottom of the screen that @hii_jake “can’t wait for #bb14 on sunday”. I experience a stinging pain somewhere behind my eyes.
Julie brings us back to the living room, where we have to have MORE inane conversation with these fools. There’s the predictable gloating from Frank and Boogie, and I’m pretty sure I hear Boogie declare him and Frank “Chilltown North,” which, I don’t even know what that means and I’d rather never know. Janelle says she feels like they already played 3 weeks of Big Brother in the first week. Janelle, relax. It wasn’t THAT crazy. Julie then says they’re changing things up: this week, the coach who wins the coaches’ competition will get to choose to either give a player immunity OR they can trade one of their players for another player. Ooh! I like this twist. I would love to see Britney dump Willie off on someone else. Julie clarifies that the HoH cannot be stolen. “BOOYAH!” Boogie shouts, and the audience laughs at such a hilarious joke, and my brain puts itself on life support.