Big Brother Recap: The Grodner That Laid the Golden Rig

Recaps

By Flipit | Sunday, August 26, 2012 | 8:08 pm | 18 Comments
Posted in: Big Brother, Recaps

Previously on Big Brother, an investigation was launched to find out why none of the men on this show can grow body hair.

Screen Shot 2012-08-26 At 7.54.43 Pm

Unfortunately, the investigation was just in my living room so there are no results. There are, however, many empty celebration beer cans. The double eviction was AWESOME. I was stressed the whole time, I laughed, I sobbed, I ate too much, I called exes, … ok all that didn’t have to do with BB, but it was a stressful night. Just in case you missed those amazing goodbye messages, here they are again:

Tonight’s episode ends with the Jessica Fletcher lookalike getting sent back to Cabot Cove all over again. I smile and cheer again, like I’ve never seen it before.

Screen Shot 2012-08-26 At 6.07.44 Pm
No one who wears traffic cone orange is a winner. NO ONE.

Frank, upset that his Bro Ham was sent packing, says it feels like the other players have cut him off at the knees. Hopefully next time they will aim higher with those scissors.

Screen Shot 2012-08-26 At 6.10.51 Pm

So remember how last week everyone was like OMG IAN IS SO SMART! And then Ian turned around and didn’t throw Boogie a vote even though it wouldn’t have changed results, then told Boogie what he was up to, and then got tattled on right before Boogie was out the door? Dum dum dum dum! DUUUUUUMMMMMB! Don’t believe me? He tells us that his goal was to throw the HOH and he won on accident. HAHAH!

Boogie goes out the door, Frank goes on a rampage of shouts and hard blinks. Like, really really hard blinks. He’s blinking so hard his teeth are gonna fall out. Everyone’s stupid, everyone’s mean, everyone is full of crap. Yes on all counts. You’re talking to the cast of Big Brother, Frank. Just please focus on something and breathe deeply before you blink your corneas out onto the floor. He shouts that Ian has no backbone and he should have given Boogz a vote in return for the three grand. Yeah, he’s really selfish, unlike Boogie who took ten grand over HOH which would have kept you from being on the block AGAIN. 

So Ian wins the HOH on accident, and now it’s time to make a decision in two minutes. The speed dating begins. Dan is in the room first, with super intelligent coach-y things to spew. “Amazing brah!” He’s a teacher.

Frank is next. He stalks around the room huffing and puffing presumably terrible breath and trying to get a deal struck with Ian, who knows Frank will screw him if he can because of what he just did. Frank promises that he’s got Ian’s back if it goes both ways. Ian is about to fear piss on the floor, but he needs to just say ok. They’re both in red headbands, which is perfect tasteless straight guy chemistry if I’ve ever seen it.

Screen Shot 2012-08-26 At 6.30.14 Pm

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Flipit
About

Currently, Flipit's writing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps, which you can find here. You can also find him doing a gossip segment twice a week called BS of the Day and video recaps of Project Runway All Stars, as well as spoof ReDubs of the coming soon trailers at the end of RHOBH!

Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit

18 Comments

  1. 1
    lovesthehobbitses
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Ian has been my favorite for a long time and so quickly so much went wrong. Please don’t veto Dan… he’s been driving me nuts.

  2. 2
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    I still want an Ian/Dan finale. Although I also love Britney. They are the only three I’ve enjoyed all summer.

  3. 3
    Kylie
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    Dan & Ian both need to go

  4. 4
    Pikey578
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    I still love Dan and Ian – I wouldn’t count Dan out yet!

  5. 5
    alice
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 7:26 am

    when frank entered the “?” room i was hopeing jesse would be there wearing thong flexing his muscles at frank for 1 hour..lol!!!!! it would be funny if little ian won the game…but ian should get rid of frank…

  6. 6
    considerthis
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 7:39 am

    Manipulation OR stpidity abounds in da ‘house! WHY would Frank not put Ian up take the veto out of play and backdoor Dan. How many times has everybody lied to Frank this season and he STILL believes them. Allison has instructed Ian to use the veto on Dan so therefore Frank, Dan and Ian (aka the “BB pets”) will stick around to continue the battle.

    I agree it was GREAT to see Dan actually make an effort – I guess throwing every challenge left him out of practice when he needed it hahaha. Also funny to see Mr. Calm,Cool & Collected turn into a spazing d-bag.

    Random thoughts – when Frank read (at a 3rd grade level) the pandora’s box info it stated “you will get more money than you entered into the house with” as we are reminded in every diary room session Frank is unemployed so of course it is more money. Also stop fucking wearing Boogies clothes – just a constant reminder to the HG’s & USA that you aligned with Captain Wartman.

    Why Dani was crying and Frank said to Shane Awwww give her a hug. I said a silent prayer that you would be able to screen grab Shane’s face at that moment. The thought of hugging Danielle sent a look of sheer terror & revulsion on his face it was awesome – and for the record he never did do it! HAHAHA

  7. 7
    JasonR
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Funny recap, though for the record Flipit I think Frank’s line to Joe was that he FLOATS like a bob on a fishing pole (which at least makes sense)

  8. 8
    JasonR
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 8:06 am

    @considerthis . . . Yes I was thinking the same thing when Frank told Shane Dani needed a hug . . hilarious! The look on his face you’d have thought Frank told him to pop one of her zits or something. Hilarious.

    Poor Ian. He’s really smart but just can’t think on his feet. When people put him on the spot he just freezes or says something REALLY stupid. I had been rooting for him, but at this point if you’re just going by best gameplay it’s either Frank for competition-winning or Brittany for social game, and everyone else kinda sucks.

  9. 9
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    uh, everybody dislikes Frank and wants him out of the house. He’s going — now OR eventually. The only people who want to befriend him are people who plan on stabbing him in the back later. That doesn’t bode well for his chances of winning.

    According to the forums — Dan was reading the bible when he was being bullied by “great” players Frank and the recently kicked out grandpa Boogie.
    I think he was “pretending to read the bible” cause during that “quarters in the ball” veto game Dan wasn’t acting like a Christian. He was mean AND rude AND a liar.

  10. 10
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    I think he was ‘pretending to read the bible’ “

    I think you are right. On BBAD a few weeks ago, the Bible quote from Pulp Fiction came up and they were trying to find it. Based on Dan’s guesses (Genesis was one guess) on where it might be found, I could tell that he knows next to nothing about the Bible. As for acting like a Christian, I don’t think anybody who puts acting like a Christian as a priority in life would ever agree to be on a reality show. Dan also lets loose on f-bombs way too much for a teacher at a Catholic school, in my opinion.

  11. 11
    judith power
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    i wish there was a way that frank and dan would unite with the purpose of exiling the repulsive ian off my tv…..he is such a nerdy dumbass! as if ashley would ever look at him…….ugggh!

  12. 12
    itchy itchy
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    I’ve read the bible many times, and I’ve never found any specific prohibition against the word “fuck,” so Dan’s probably safe on that score. And his scrambling for that money just points to his future career as a megachurch televangelist.

    At this point, I’m hoping Screaming Joe wins the season. BB deserves this.

  13. 13
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    I’m not Catholic, and I say fuck all the time, but I wouldn’t say it on television if I worked as a teacher at a Catholic school, or I might get my fucking ass in trouble regardless whether or not that particular word is prohibited in the Bible. But hey, maybe Catholic schools have gotten a lot more liberal in the past decade or so and no one told me.

  14. 14
    itchy itchy
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    I’m pretty sure the Catholic Church has been working hard on that whole “fucking ass” trouble it’s been having lately, so yeah, maybe the new official policy is, if they’re allowed to say it, maybe they won’t do it…

  15. 15
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    My brother went to Catholic school, and I’m pretty sure neither saying “fucking ass” nor actually fucking ass was allowed. I didn’t think the language of that wigger 4th grade teacher from Tampa a few seasons back was appropriate either. The only teachers that should be allowed to say “fuck” on TV are college teachers at secular schools. Yes, I realize that itchy world and cranky world are worlds apart.

  16. 16
    Robin Robin
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    I could be wrong, but I don’t think that Dan is employed as a teacher anymore.

    I am pretty sure that I read on the forum that Dan used his winnings from last time to purchase rental property and this is how he makes his living now.

  17. 17
    itchy itchy
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 2:13 am

    Oh I agree, I wouldn’t want my kids’ teachers saying “fuck” in class either. But Dan’s not in a classroom at the moment. Though he IS schoolin’ the others on how Big Brother’s done.

    The itchy and cranky show. Someone ought to be paying us.

  18. 18
    Hantz Down
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Robin – I thought Dan was the football coach at the school still because as I recall (and I have recalled incorrectly before) that he said that his team won state championship or something like that.

    I would have like Frank had he not kissed Boogie’s butt so much. I have watched every season of BB (yes even Season 1 with Will Mega) and Boogie is the most irritating and hateful player that I have seen. (Yes, more than Boofles – but not much). Had he played on his own, I would like Frank but I can’t erase the Boogie taint off him. Yuck!

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