Big Brother Recap: The Grodner That Laid the Golden Rig

Recaps

By Flipit | Sunday, August 26, 2012 | 8:08 pm | 18 Comments
Posted in: Big Brother, Recaps

Britney and her gimp, Shane, are next with speed mind control. Ian, to his credit, knows that putting Frank up isn’t a good move because he will def have a chance to play for Veto. Backdooring is the key. Shane hears that term and gets a boner. Brit doesn’t wanna hear it and brow beats Ian into putting Frank up now alongside that huge threat, Mobile Spray Tan, who looks like her blood is way over the oxy limit. Frank can beat him up, but Britney can suck out his soul, so he’s gonna listen to her against his better judgment.

There’s still a bit of time left, so Mobile Spray Tan rushes in, stands around staring at the walls, and then giggles “I don’t have anything to say.” Just say “Obviously, I’m not articulate” over and over, cuz it’s the best thing I’ve heard all year. Ian pats her on the head and sends her to the chopping block.

Chef Yell is next. Ian is stressing hard now. “You gonna screw me over? If so, you’re going up against Frank, you know that!?!?” Joe mutters “Yes, sir!” HAHAH!! Poor Chef. Even Ian feels powerful against that looza. The veto is played, and, of course, Frank wins. He rages through the house calling everyone dumb again, and then tells us that he’s been up five times and not gone home five times. His wording is careful, of course, because one of those times he was blatantly saved by Grodner. Still, though, you gotta hand it to the guy. He deserves credit. Also, soap and a decent conditioner, now that we’re handing him things.

Screen Shot 2012-08-26 At 8.00.40 Pm

Frank shouts at Ian some more, because Ian is a total puppet and does whatever people tell him to. It was ok when he was a puppet doing what Boogie told him to do. That was different, cuz they were BOTH puppets for Boogie and two puppets make a right…or something. 

Ian tells us, as seriously as possible, that “as a Big Brother expert, I saw this coming.” LOL! This kid’s a nut, and I love him for it. Not only strippers and d-bags can be delusional twits. Nerds can be just as blindly arrogant as anyone else, albeit with generally longer armpit hair on average.

Frank, still raging from his win, calls Ian to talk privately in that “I’m gonna beat your ass senseless, NERD” voice. Ian blindly follows. Frank wants him to put Chef Yell up against Mobile Spray and make everyone vote to keep Mobile Ho. Um….why would they? Cuz they all listen to Ian! Actually, no. They don’t. I don’t know where you heard that.

Voting time. Frank is still raging, shouting that they should all vote for Mobile to stay because she deserves it more than Chef. HAHAH!! Because….he doesn’t give a reason. Just cuz, ok? She’s the first girl to make out with him without the use of rohypnol, does that count for NOTHING?

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5
Flipit
About

Currently, Flipit's writing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps, which you can find here. You can also find him doing a gossip segment twice a week called BS of the Day and video recaps of Project Runway All Stars, as well as spoof ReDubs of the coming soon trailers at the end of RHOBH!

Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit

18 Comments

  1. 1
    lovesthehobbitses
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Ian has been my favorite for a long time and so quickly so much went wrong. Please don’t veto Dan… he’s been driving me nuts.

  2. 2
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    I still want an Ian/Dan finale. Although I also love Britney. They are the only three I’ve enjoyed all summer.

  3. 3
    Kylie
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    Dan & Ian both need to go

  4. 4
    Pikey578
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    I still love Dan and Ian – I wouldn’t count Dan out yet!

  5. 5
    alice
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 7:26 am

    when frank entered the “?” room i was hopeing jesse would be there wearing thong flexing his muscles at frank for 1 hour..lol!!!!! it would be funny if little ian won the game…but ian should get rid of frank…

  6. 6
    considerthis
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 7:39 am

    Manipulation OR stpidity abounds in da ‘house! WHY would Frank not put Ian up take the veto out of play and backdoor Dan. How many times has everybody lied to Frank this season and he STILL believes them. Allison has instructed Ian to use the veto on Dan so therefore Frank, Dan and Ian (aka the “BB pets”) will stick around to continue the battle.

    I agree it was GREAT to see Dan actually make an effort – I guess throwing every challenge left him out of practice when he needed it hahaha. Also funny to see Mr. Calm,Cool & Collected turn into a spazing d-bag.

    Random thoughts – when Frank read (at a 3rd grade level) the pandora’s box info it stated “you will get more money than you entered into the house with” as we are reminded in every diary room session Frank is unemployed so of course it is more money. Also stop fucking wearing Boogies clothes – just a constant reminder to the HG’s & USA that you aligned with Captain Wartman.

    Why Dani was crying and Frank said to Shane Awwww give her a hug. I said a silent prayer that you would be able to screen grab Shane’s face at that moment. The thought of hugging Danielle sent a look of sheer terror & revulsion on his face it was awesome – and for the record he never did do it! HAHAHA

  7. 7
    JasonR
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Funny recap, though for the record Flipit I think Frank’s line to Joe was that he FLOATS like a bob on a fishing pole (which at least makes sense)

  8. 8
    JasonR
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 8:06 am

    @considerthis . . . Yes I was thinking the same thing when Frank told Shane Dani needed a hug . . hilarious! The look on his face you’d have thought Frank told him to pop one of her zits or something. Hilarious.

    Poor Ian. He’s really smart but just can’t think on his feet. When people put him on the spot he just freezes or says something REALLY stupid. I had been rooting for him, but at this point if you’re just going by best gameplay it’s either Frank for competition-winning or Brittany for social game, and everyone else kinda sucks.

  9. 9
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    uh, everybody dislikes Frank and wants him out of the house. He’s going — now OR eventually. The only people who want to befriend him are people who plan on stabbing him in the back later. That doesn’t bode well for his chances of winning.

    According to the forums — Dan was reading the bible when he was being bullied by “great” players Frank and the recently kicked out grandpa Boogie.
    I think he was “pretending to read the bible” cause during that “quarters in the ball” veto game Dan wasn’t acting like a Christian. He was mean AND rude AND a liar.

  10. 10
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    I think he was ‘pretending to read the bible’ “

    I think you are right. On BBAD a few weeks ago, the Bible quote from Pulp Fiction came up and they were trying to find it. Based on Dan’s guesses (Genesis was one guess) on where it might be found, I could tell that he knows next to nothing about the Bible. As for acting like a Christian, I don’t think anybody who puts acting like a Christian as a priority in life would ever agree to be on a reality show. Dan also lets loose on f-bombs way too much for a teacher at a Catholic school, in my opinion.

  11. 11
    judith power
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    i wish there was a way that frank and dan would unite with the purpose of exiling the repulsive ian off my tv…..he is such a nerdy dumbass! as if ashley would ever look at him…….ugggh!

  12. 12
    itchy itchy
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    I’ve read the bible many times, and I’ve never found any specific prohibition against the word “fuck,” so Dan’s probably safe on that score. And his scrambling for that money just points to his future career as a megachurch televangelist.

    At this point, I’m hoping Screaming Joe wins the season. BB deserves this.

  13. 13
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    I’m not Catholic, and I say fuck all the time, but I wouldn’t say it on television if I worked as a teacher at a Catholic school, or I might get my fucking ass in trouble regardless whether or not that particular word is prohibited in the Bible. But hey, maybe Catholic schools have gotten a lot more liberal in the past decade or so and no one told me.

  14. 14
    itchy itchy
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    I’m pretty sure the Catholic Church has been working hard on that whole “fucking ass” trouble it’s been having lately, so yeah, maybe the new official policy is, if they’re allowed to say it, maybe they won’t do it…

  15. 15
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    My brother went to Catholic school, and I’m pretty sure neither saying “fucking ass” nor actually fucking ass was allowed. I didn’t think the language of that wigger 4th grade teacher from Tampa a few seasons back was appropriate either. The only teachers that should be allowed to say “fuck” on TV are college teachers at secular schools. Yes, I realize that itchy world and cranky world are worlds apart.

  16. 16
    Robin Robin
    Posted August 28, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    I could be wrong, but I don’t think that Dan is employed as a teacher anymore.

    I am pretty sure that I read on the forum that Dan used his winnings from last time to purchase rental property and this is how he makes his living now.

  17. 17
    itchy itchy
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 2:13 am

    Oh I agree, I wouldn’t want my kids’ teachers saying “fuck” in class either. But Dan’s not in a classroom at the moment. Though he IS schoolin’ the others on how Big Brother’s done.

    The itchy and cranky show. Someone ought to be paying us.

  18. 18
    Hantz Down
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Robin – I thought Dan was the football coach at the school still because as I recall (and I have recalled incorrectly before) that he said that his team won state championship or something like that.

    I would have like Frank had he not kissed Boogie’s butt so much. I have watched every season of BB (yes even Season 1 with Will Mega) and Boogie is the most irritating and hateful player that I have seen. (Yes, more than Boofles – but not much). Had he played on his own, I would like Frank but I can’t erase the Boogie taint off him. Yuck!

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.