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Frank stops short. “That means you’d get rid of me!” he tries to joke, clearly starting to sweat. Dan looks absolutely panicked, and tries to laugh it off, while keeping his face FIRMLY angled at whatever fruit he’s cutting up at the moment. And then Frank just lets it go, laughing with him, and it’s just so sad. Frank, Frank, Frank. What more is there to say about you?
Anyway, now we get some stupid bullshit strategizing that means nothing. Ian and Joe talk out back. Joe asks if he should talk to Jenn to try to get her to vote for him. NO, JOE, YOU MORON. DON’T EXPOSE THE PLOT AGAINST FRANK. Joe sucks, and Ian is clearly worried he’s going to fuck this up. “I call [Frank] Houdini,” jokes Joe. “Houdini died young,” replies Ian, which is pretty clever.
Until he pushes it too far. The conversation strays off into talking about “killing” Frank, comparing him to “shooting a doe” and nailing a “twelve-point buck.” At one point, Ian actually makes a stabbing notion. Has the house actually broken Ian and made him into a serial killer? Is it bad that I kind of hope that’s the case? It would make for the best final week of Big Brother EVER.
I think I missed some more bullshit strategy here, because Biden came on stage at the DNC, but whatever, we all know what’s going to happen. Dan basically tries to cover his bases and secure an alliance with Joe, literally the last person in the house with whom Dan doesn’t have an alliance, on the off-chance that Joe will win the next HoH, but we all know that’s not going to happen, so whatever. Let’s watch Biden!
Oops, watched Biden too long, and I missed Frank and Joe’s pleas to the rest of the house before the voting. Were they good speeches? I bet they were really exciting and informative and not at all full of shout-outs to their family members and inside jokes. Anyway, we do the boring live-voting thing and Dan, Danielle, and Shane vote out Frank, while Jenn votes to evict Joe.
Time to break the news to Frank! I’m actually nervous to see his reaction. I feel bad for the kid! He looks stunned, and then he marches RIGHT out the house, ignoring Dan as he weakly says, “I’m sorry man, you’re a great competitor.”
If you’re wondering, @swishana’s heart is racing due to the double eviction. She should get that checked out by a medical professional.
Julie sits down for Frank’s interview. She says he looks shell-shocked, and he says he’s bummed they lied to him, and he’s especially shocked that Dan lied after swearing on the Bible. Frank agrees that he was probably too trusting. Julie tries DESPERATELY to get Frank to cry, suddenly doing her best serious-Oprah impression and saying, “Frank, you spent yearstrying to get on this show. You spent weeks trying to survive. How disappointed are you to be sitting here?” She’s really poking at his sore spots, which is wonderful to behold. Alas, he doesn’t cry, and duh, he’s disappointed. Snore. Goodbye messages are also a snore. Dan tries to do damage control. Frank says there are still hard feelings. Julie congratulates Frank on doing so well in the house, and he actually did survive a LONG time for being the number one target since basically week one. He should be proud! Good job, kid. Sorry you believed Dan, but that was pretty dumb of you.