Whimsical music! Time for some AWESOME COMEDY. Frank is having sex dreams about everyone, basically. As someone who despises when his own friends or family members tell him lengthy descriptions of their worthless dreams, I can’t even describe the feeling of having to sit through a clown-wigged moron recapping his dreams on an idiotic CBS reality show. This was a very painful experience and the epitome of filler segments, so let’s forget it ever happened.
And now for more filler: checking in on the horribly one-sided Shane/Danielle romance! She nags him that he never kisses her unless other people are watching, which is so perfect. I wonder why he doesn’t kiss her???? Poor, closeted Shane. Danielle then asks how long it usually takes him to feel comfortable with “somebody,” which is a very subtle and smart way to not let him know that “somebody” is “Danielle.” Shane pulls the old “scared of commitment” line, because kissing a girl while you’re locked in a house together on a reality show is basically marriage.
“You just want some of the Shaneomac,” says Shane, which doesn’t even make sense. What is that supposed to be a play on? And then on the bottom of the screen, they flash the hashtag “#Shaneomac,” which, if you search for it on Twitter, reveals a lot of sad girls begging Shane to love them. This whole “America” experiment has been fun for the past couple hundred years, but I think it’s time we start wrapping it up!
Shane practicing pillow-biting.
Boogie, Dan, and Frank talk upstairs. They discuss putting up Joe and Wil to get Joe out, but then Boogie suggests they put someone from their own alliance of six up, to keep the rest of the house in the dark about the alliance. Dude, there are, like, three people not in your alliance. It’s not that big – or necessary – a secret anymore. Stop trying to be clever for the sake of cleverness. They actually delude themselves into thinking Shane would volunteer for the job, too. Then Frank floats the idea of Dan going up, which makes Dan nervous.
Time for more filler! Boogie and Britney figure out that Danielle lied back on day one by saying she was a kindergarten teacher instead of a nurse. Which is still just the dumbest, most worthless thing that has ever happened in this house, and this includes the nerd being forced to act like a dog for 24 hours. The best little tidbit from this segment is finding out that Danielle calls Aspirin “naproxen,” which gave her away. But, uh, I’m pretty sure Aspirin is NOT naproxen? God help anyone who Danielle treats. She probably goes to give them an IV and ends up removing one of their fingers.
Staying on the Medicine for Dummies theme, Ashley’s back isn’t working or something? So she needs to be physically carried in the MOST awkward way possible to the bathroom? What is this all about? Is Ashley 68 years old? Or is this just a side-effect of her stressful life of giving people spray tans all day long? WE NEED BETTER HEALTHCARE NOW! ROMNEY/RYAN 2012!
Worst revival of “A Chorus Line” I’ve ever seen.