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Time for the very first Have/Have-Not Competition! Oh good, more worthless competitions. Basically, there are two teams, and they’re all dressed like lemons or limes, and they all get full of water and then jump all over each other to squeeze the water out of their costumes into jugs. This is supposed to be funny because: A) people humping each other, and B) the word “jugs.”
The competition goes on for what feels like 20 minutes. Shane humps Danielle, Frank humps Boogie, no one humps Joe, Danielle screams, “JENN, WATCH THE JUGS!” which seems like something you do not ever need to remind Jenn to do, and we all just have a grand old time, because humping is the highest form of comedy.
In short: the all-male team wins. Hooray for homoeroticism! Everyone who loses has to eat slop, take cold showers, and sleep on those shitty metal beds. They also walk inside and find out that, in addition to slop, America has graced them with candy canes and cod for the week. Um… how is that a punishment? Those are both great!
Everyone expresses their likes/dislikes re: candy canes/cod, and it is just riveting. No joke, we watch people stand around and discuss the merits of candy canes and fish for over five whole minutes. To sum up: Fish smell gross, and candy canes taste good.
Later, Joe goes up to talk to Frank in the HoH room (about fish and candy canes???? I hope so!!!!). Joe says there are bigger fish (fish!!!!!!!!!! Candy canes!!!!!!!) to fry than him, which is true. He also points out that he’s loyal to a fault, as he was with Janelle, whereas Wil and Ashley flip-flop all the time (about as much as a COD!!!!!! Don’t worry, I’m done. I’ve exhausted the joke. My fish is fried, if you will).
Now we are watching adults playing in a pool. Wow. This episode could not be more worthless. Boogie dunks a basketball in their new floating basketball hoop. It breaks. Everyone is mad. We learn that production gave them these toys, presumably because they are all SO DULL. It’s kind of perfect, though, that the producers are bribing them with things to make them fun, and Boogie goes and ruins the fun.
Wil goes upstairs to have his session with Frank and Boogie. He says he has no hard feelings when he’s put up, and Boogie says they want Joe out because they think they can work with Wil. He asks Wil who he would want to get rid of after Joe, and Wil says he knows there’s a big alliance in the house and he’s not going to tell anyone who he wants to get out. Um, WHAT? That is a spectacularly stupid thing to say in this position. Just promise them you’ll work with them! Again: Wil is far more concerned with seeming crafty than actually being crafty. Obviously, after he leaves, Boogie and Frank agree to get Wil out instead, because he’s an idiot.