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Sunday, August 12, 2012
10:46 pm
22 Comments
Tagged: big brother, Big Brother 14, boogie, britney, cbs, funny, humping, lemons, parody, reality, reality show, recap, so boring, the worst, tvgasm
Time for the very first Have/Have-Not Competition! Oh good, more worthless competitions. Basically, there are two teams, and they’re all dressed like lemons or limes, and they all get full of water and then jump all over each other to squeeze the water out of their costumes into jugs. This is supposed to be funny because: A) people humping each other, and B) the word “jugs.”
The competition goes on for what feels like 20 minutes. Shane humps Danielle, Frank humps Boogie, no one humps Joe, Danielle screams, “JENN, WATCH THE JUGS!” which seems like something you do not ever need to remind Jenn to do, and we all just have a grand old time, because humping is the highest form of comedy.
Dan: “That’s it! If we pray hard enough, Jesus will squeeze the water out of our costumes FOR US!”
In short: the all-male team wins. Hooray for homoeroticism! Everyone who loses has to eat slop, take cold showers, and sleep on those shitty metal beds. They also walk inside and find out that, in addition to slop, America has graced them with candy canes and cod for the week. Um… how is that a punishment? Those are both great!
Everyone expresses their likes/dislikes re: candy canes/cod, and it is just riveting. No joke, we watch people stand around and discuss the merits of candy canes and fish for over five whole minutes. To sum up: Fish smell gross, and candy canes taste good.
VERDICT: Both of these are, in fact, food.
Later, Joe goes up to talk to Frank in the HoH room (about fish and candy canes???? I hope so!!!!). Joe says there are bigger fish (fish!!!!!!!!!! Candy canes!!!!!!!) to fry than him, which is true. He also points out that he’s loyal to a fault, as he was with Janelle, whereas Wil and Ashley flip-flop all the time (about as much as a COD!!!!!! Don’t worry, I’m done. I’ve exhausted the joke. My fish is fried, if you will).
Now we are watching adults playing in a pool. Wow. This episode could not be more worthless. Boogie dunks a basketball in their new floating basketball hoop. It breaks. Everyone is mad. We learn that production gave them these toys, presumably because they are all SO DULL. It’s kind of perfect, though, that the producers are bribing them with things to make them fun, and Boogie goes and ruins the fun.
“This is not the first hole I’ve destroyed.” (SORRY, EVERYONE.)
Wil goes upstairs to have his session with Frank and Boogie. He says he has no hard feelings when he’s put up, and Boogie says they want Joe out because they think they can work with Wil. He asks Wil who he would want to get rid of after Joe, and Wil says he knows there’s a big alliance in the house and he’s not going to tell anyone who he wants to get out. Um, WHAT? That is a spectacularly stupid thing to say in this position. Just promise them you’ll work with them! Again: Wil is far more concerned with seeming crafty than actually being crafty. Obviously, after he leaves, Boogie and Frank agree to get Wil out instead, because he’s an idiot.
22 Comments
ugh…I am embarassed to say I watched this crap… but for the record… I believe they were saying that the nurse was calling Advil, naproxen. They never said äspirin”. Anyhow… slow night at work and all we had was free tv so I had to choose between this and the closing ceremony…
@sig — I hear you missed out on The Spice Girls by choosing Big Brother. Not sure which was the better decision. I was visiting the ICU till crazy late last night, so I was gonna watch the episode after I got home from work, but now I’m thinking maybe I’ll just delete this one off my Tivo and pretend it never happened.
@themiki…it was a lose-lose night.
My DVR cut off the last 15 minutes of the show & I didn’t even care.
I liked the episode because Joe took his shirt off. I’m not sure I like his nipples though.
@Mister_Dangerous: thankfully, I’ve finished my breakfast prior to reading your last comment.
oh god!!!!! please this show wacked anoth now,,lets not start talking about the future … ROMNEY/RYAN 2012……………JESUS SAVE US FROM THeSES TWO!!!!!!……but back to big brother..gordan ramsey needs to stop by…”just saying”…now that we have figured out most of this is fixed..the show is starting to get boring..they need to invite HONEY BOO BOO CHILD AND EDEN WOOD AND MAKENZIE MAYER..those three will put life in the big brother house!!!
Yeah, they did say that Advil is naproxen — but Advil is ibuprofen and Aleve is naproxen. Obviously Boogie and Brit aren’t secret nurses. I don’t get why the stragglers haven’t tried to form their own alliance by now — they should have done that instead of vote Janelle out. Really dumb.
You sir, win the gold medal for turning this crappy ep into something worth reading. Gasmlympics 2012!
Ehhh every single time I wanna give up on big bro (for the past five seasons at least) I stick with it and every time I regret my decision. The only thing that could make this remotely interesting would be for Will to get the boot…send a message to these dumbasses that playtime is over. As much as I’d hate to se boog with more power, I would like to see him raise some more hell……also…how boog has been dominating the past 2 weeks in HOH even though he isn’t even Hoh is further proof these people are idiots.
@Annie…. “how boog has been dominating the past 2 weeks in HOH even though he isn’t even Hoh is further proof these people are idiots.” THIS THIS THIS
Couldn’t have said it better! I mean I didn’t want Dan nominated but Frank doing that would have showed he is playing the game his way and not Boogie’s way.
Can someone inform Jenn and Ashley they are on Big Brother by going over the house in plane? It’s actually really getting under my skin that they aren’t even trying LOL.
Jenn and Ashley are just there to have a free vacation, apparently. Ian is so broke that he was saying on BBAD that he has to make jury so he can live rent-free for the rest of the summer. I hope the “Silent 6″ and Ian can just eliminate Wil, Shoutychef™, Jenn, and Ashley and then maybe things will get a little interesting when they have to turn on each other.
Danielle’s comment about Jenn being on top of her was just wrong. She is the only one that thinks of Jenn as a lesbian before anything else. Why is she so afraid of lesbians but not gay men. And all her DR sessions when she talks about Shane are scary. Saying that she is in a relationship with Shane after two of the most platonic kisses ever is just sad. That she enjoyed the sponge humping and she considered it action – what is wrong with her. I bet Shane was actually in competition mode and didn’t even realize it was Danielle.
It’s funny that when Chef Joe was actually upset he is really quite and spoke like a normal person in the DR. It was a little odd to watch.
The only reason I still watch these none live shows is for the DR sessions. It’s the only part that we don’t know about on the Forums.
As of right now I really see Boogie, Frank and Ian in the final three. Ian will claim to be happy with third so the other two will take him. Then between Frank & Boogie, I have no clue.
@ carol…..yes! Good assessment on Danielle. She is cuhhhrazy and immature. That said jenn is my fav person in the house personality wise, however one of the worst players cuz she has no game..boo!
And I agree with you about ethe DR sessions but sadly, theres been accusations the producers are even manipulating and spinning those conversations. Sigh…..whatever happened to my Big Bro? It’s a sad shell of what it used to be….
Joe’s “compliment” of Frank could have been worse – he could have said Randy Quaid.
How did Danielle ever come to the conclusion that claiming she is one college educated profession over another would help her? And is she did call Advil naproxen, God help her patients! Well, God help her patients either way; their lives are in Danielle’s hands!
@ Carol….I totally agree about Danielle. I was just half paying attention and then Danielle spouted her weird comment about never having a lesbian on top of her, or whatever it was, and my ears perked up. What, does she think she’s like irresistible or something and some day in the middle of the night Jenn will suddenly not be able to take it anymore and throw herself on her? Danielle’s attitude is very disappointing on many levels. At one time I was sort of rooting for her, but that coupled with this weird thing she has with Shane, has pretty much turned me off.
Has anyone seen Wil’s impression of Joe? Maybe it’s just me, but every time I’ve seen it I’ve laughed my ass off. Yes, I watch the Showtime feeds sometimes. Don’t judge me. I’m a night owl.
Regarding Jenn, floating and being a complete non-entity is a strategy, it’s just that it doesn’t translate well on television. Jenn is in prime position to make a Final 3 appearance. Consider it: when Dan’s minions finally go after Boogie’s, or vice versa, none of those camps will target Jenn because she hasn’t thrown in with either camp and she is no threat to win any competitions! I think she’s played the ultimate floater strategy, considering her tattoos and lesbianism would have made her a huge target in previous seasons. She’s definitely boring to watch and from what I understand, is non-existent on the live feeds. However, just because Rachel would demand her to get a life vest doesn’t mean she hasn’t played an awesome game.
Awesome? Sitting around and doing nothing is awesome? Sorry, I don’t buy it.
Don’t judge Danielle too harshly based on DR comments. I think the producers really steer those DR comments by the questions they ask, trying to get good sound bites for the show, and Danielle has previously made clear in her comments how much she respects Jenn.
@Mister_Dangerous: I’m not saying that I like her strategy; I’m just saying that she is the ultimate floater. As such, she has played an awesome game. How many floaters finally make moves and then are ultimately bounced from the game (re: Shelly, for example)? We can go down the whole list of HG’s who’ve made that mistake. Jenn actually hasn’t and isn’t a target and won’t ever be the target. It’s actually a different strategy than we’ve seen from years past, because even the power players haven’t even bothered to make deals with her to secure her vote, like Dani/Kalia and Rachel/Jordan attempted with Adam last year. I wish Jenn were playing a more aggressive game, but being the ultimate floater, not making waves, being quiet and not having lies get back to the power players over the past 40 days deserves some kudos.
As long as you’re just playing to hang around floating is a legitimate strategy, but no jury will ever give a single vote to a floater to win, so unless you’re just enjoying being on tv and getting free food I don’t really get playing by that strategy, but that doesn’t stop people from doing it every season on both Survivor and BB.
@Mister_Dangerous — I am not sure which I find the most disturbing: Joe’s pointy tits, Shane deformed ear or Danielle’s existence.