Britney is low on bs intake for the day, so she finds Boogie. He tells her that if she wins the Coaches Challenge, she should keep Willie and they would all just put up Shane instead. LOL. So basically, let’s all agree right now how you’re gonna lose. First of all, she’s not a fucking idiot. Second of all, Britney doesn’t win competitions so this conversation is moot. Go back to bed. When you close your eyes, Will will be waiting to pull your finger.
Happy nice Good People music plays while Dan and Janelle talk about marriage and parenthood in the kitchen. Janelle loves parenthood the movie, not so much the tv show. Dan yells at us about how he loves his wife. She must be deaf. If she’s not, she will be before she’s fifty.
Ian calls a meeting with Boogie for advice. Boogie recommends freezing them off instead of medication. It burns but it’s fast. No, wait. This isn’t about warts. Embarrassing!! It’s about dating advice. Ian wants to ask Mobile Spray Tan out for a slop date. Romantic. At first Boogie thinks the dork doesn’t have a chance, but then he catches a look at himself in the mirror and all the vagina he’s had flashes before his eyes. It’s all about swagger and an AmEx you spray paint black. He vows to help the kid make his move.
Dan goes to call Spray Tan out to the back yard, where Ian asks her on a date. She says yes, and explains to us that she has a soft spot for nerds. Smart. Nerds generally have jobs. Cut to date time. Ian is in a bow tie and goes to pick Spray Tan up. Teehee.
Why are there so many songs about rainbows? Anyone? Anyone?
They meet in the couch room, where every pillow smells like Willie’s willy. Unfortunately, it’s the only fake restaurant in the house. Britney is their waiter, and after rolling her eyes at them and blaming them for their food being cold, she huffs out of the room. Ian ties his shoe at the table (tacky) and tries not to throw up on himself. He tells us that he doesn’t date much in real life because “I’m…………busy.” HEHEHEHEHEH
He tells her that his favorite school subject is Inorganic Chemistry, which gives her the chance to ask the burning question: what’s the difference between organic and inorganic? He explains that carbon in the cell of the nucleus of the hypo-thymus gland in the remunerative conviviality anomalistic usufruct is perspicacious. Then her head explodes.
Could ya pass the salt?
Ian says if they let this play out right, they could go the distance. “In the game.” Don’t sell yourself short, buddy. You’d probably get less resistance from your own palm than you would from that girl. Not that I’m calling mobile spray tanners idiot sluts, but … I don’t know how to end that sentence.