Breaking Amish Recap: Avoiding Scandal 101: Confuse the Sh*t Out of Your Viewers

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Monday, October 15, 2012 | 2:53 pm | 20 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Breaking Amish, Recaps

The kids approach a post-makeover Kate about her eating habits.  Then, the confrontations moves over to Sabrina.  Jeremiah’s jealousy comes to a head about Sabrina texting a few different dudes.  He thinks that texting equals whoring around.  Sabrina justifies her behavior by saying that if she were a slut, she would be sleeping with all the dudes in New York.  That wouldn’t make you a slut, Sabrina.  That would make you a champion. A champion hobag, but a champion nonetheless.

Mmmmm…I loves me a feisty Puerto Rican girl.

Abe, with a pocket full of blood money, heads back to get the ring and asks if it will come in a little box.  No way.  They put it in a bento box full of old, dried up rice.  It’s more romantic that way.

The recipient of the scary movie music this episode is Sabrina, who shares with us that her birth parents were drug addicts who dumped her in the garbage where she was found a few days later.  That’s nice.  And you want to meet these gems so that you can learn what it’s like to be Puerto Rican?  How about instead of going to a sex museum, you go to a Puerto Rican cultural center?  She visits the PI who successfully dug up dirt on her bios.  She learns her mom died in 2005 surrounded by pictures of Sabrina.  She also receives addresses and phone numbers for her father and paternal grandma.  So, did her parents really literally throw her away or was that all made up?  I’m curious, because I couldn’t imagine claiming to love and miss a child I put into a dumpster.

I can’t wait to meet the people who threw my innocent infant body into a dumpster so they could go smoke crack in peace.

Kate attends her very first photo shoot and I’m surprised by their indifference to her skin.  Tyra would chastise her about her Maci Bookout-style skin.  She does a set in a frilly gown and one in a bikini.  Throughout, she tells us how her family just wouldn’t understand and her dad would lecture her about showing skin.  She really confuses me, but I’ll admit that she seems like a decent model.

I’m going to wager a guess that this isn’t her first modeling shoot.

The kids meet up for lunch where Jeremiah is so angry he can’t even get drunk.  So, to negate this, Sabrina and Kate vow to get wasted together.  Rebecca bails, because she can’t stand drunks.  Kate chases Rebecca, Abe, and Jeremiah out to the street to question why they’re such buzzkills.  Kate tells them their problem is that they don’t understand that you don’t have to drink to have a good time.  Abe astutely points out that IS their point, but that neither she nor Sabrina seems to understand what that means.  Jeremiah shares that he doesn’t want to get drunk with them anymore, because they get all Snookie and Deena wasted.

Something tells me one of them is going to get all “mommish” on everyone and have all the fat sucked out of her face while the other will pee on a dance floor and get pregnant.

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

20 Comments

  1. 1
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    All the news stories coming out about Jeremiah keep getting worse and worse. To where you have to wonder how the ins co would even let TLC put him on the show.

  2. 2
    Kizzy
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    Ok, I thought my glass of Chardonnay had gone to my head and that’s why I had NO IDEA WHAT I WAS WATCHING!!! Seriously, WTF was with this episode? If you look back to how this show was heavily promoted by TLC and then watch this episode you would think you were watching the wrong show. Even with all the lies being exposed I was still interested in it but I feel like whatever Kate allegedly slipped into Sabrina’s drink somehow made its way into mine! Huh???

  3. 3
    NotaNJHousewife
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    It was very WTF.
    I felt sorry for Kate though, in the confessional when they told her about what she’d supposedly done in the middle of the night. I mean, she seemed to be really crying.

    And why do they make them wear their Amish clothes in the confessionals, when they’re not wearing them at all at this point?

  4. 4
    ellemenop
    Posted October 16, 2012 at 3:44 am

    i hate the museum of sex and all the idiots who go there. it’s always people being immature assholes. i had to walk by it all the time when i was in college a few blocks away (same damn street) and it just .. annoys me.

    as someone who has been anorexic for over a decade (closer to two, ugh), i was annoyed at the attacks as well. anorexia isn’t some attention-whore game people like to imply it is; it’s freakin’ disease. and eating disorders are often comorbid with substance abuse. she needs professional help, especially if she’s just entered the first stages of anorexia (which it sounded like) — it’s MUCH easier to cure in early stages (thus why i am chronic; it took over 10 years for me to get any kind of treatment, and developed in childhood) … she would actually have a pretty good chance right now. er, assuming it’s not for show, anyway.

    also, if it’s not for sure, could she suffer from some bizarrely quickly cycling bipolar disorder? since i’m sure these episodes film over the course of at least a week, it’s possible.

    you CAN buy an engagement ring for under $300 — it’s just not going to be amazing. but i think it’s worse to buy a $10,000 ring you can’t afford than to buy something very modest that won’t put you in debt that you’ll then just share with your wife-to-be. sounds logical. i didn’t quite see what the signage was, but at independent jewelers in nyc, you can DEFINITELY haggle, especially because the diamond district just means 29094739 stores in competition.

    i also didn’t understand why the hell anyone would want to meet their allegedly drug addict parents who threw them in the trash. i mean, really? you’re probably better off. i’m also a fervid adoption proponent (would like to adopt myself, even though i am capable of getting pregnant despite all the abuse i’ve put myself through), and i think it’s kind-of insulting that she needs to seek out these baby-trashing people when someone else brought her in and brought her up without, uh, throwing her in the trash. unless she had horrible adoptive parents, i guess, but there’s never been any mention of that.

  5. 5
    ConfusedinCanada
    Posted October 16, 2012 at 6:16 am

    @kthxbai – what kind of stories are coming out now?

  6. 6
    alicecarroll13
    Posted October 16, 2012 at 7:24 am

    gee people……….. you were watching the breaking amish blair witch project…..if kates a witch then that explains the spell shes putting on me…”ok, bad pick up line”. and where in tlc land is the child of abe and reb….lol………..!!!! does this mean abe and reb are going to have sex and poof reb’s knocked up and then season 2 a full grown child..lol
    and was’nt Jeremiah once married to Sabrina??
    is’nt the other people living in the building complaining about all the fights..maybe they live in the 999 building………and something freaky is going to happen…they need to have dr.phil stop by!!!

  7. 7
    labowner
    Posted October 16, 2012 at 9:51 am

    I’m wondering if production was on something when they pieced together this episode. Why would TLC let it air being so disjointed?

  8. 8
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted October 16, 2012 at 10:07 am

    I’m so relieved to know that I’m not the only one who thought this was like Frankenepisode. I still don’t really know how the hell we got from Point A to Point SLDK3L9DJLK3.

  9. 9
    mere2142
    Posted October 16, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    I really want to see how/if TLC is going to address all of the stories that have come out in regarding to this cast. And don’t they do some research before making their picks? I would think they could have found some people who had way fewer skeletons in their closet.

    And despite the completely fabricated nature of this show, I still find myself watching!

  10. 10
    begonia skies
    Posted October 16, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    i’m sorry but i burst out laughing when they were talking about how kate works out all the time and the clips tlc showed were of her doing back bends and goofing around. sweet work outs kate, is that amish zumba?

  11. 11
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted October 16, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    @Begonia – I thought the same thing, but then I realized that there’s no way I’d be able to do that weird back-bend/crab crawl thing. I get winded when I get up off the couch once every four hours.

  12. 12
    begonia skies
    Posted October 16, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    @sugarbush – haha! valid point. i could use a little amish zumba myself.

  13. 13
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 16, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    @ConfusedinCanada There’s a mess of them. Here’s a paste from 1 it seems like a lot of them link back to. (Stutzman’s his ex wife’s last name)

    In a phone conversation right before Stutzman says TLC offered her $10,000 to stay quiet, she told CBS 21, “I’ve been in the hospital multiple times from this man. He was physically abusive. I have the police reports”

    Stutzman cut off contact with us before sending those police reports. So we found them on our own, including a mug shot from a 2005 arrest for domestic abuse against Stutzman..

    Jeremiah appears in at least 17 police reports; eight for domestic violence.

    The reports say Jeremiah would become enraged, grabbing Stutzman and throwing her down. When she’d tried to get up, he would push her back down. One report stats he hit her in the stomach, while she was pregnant and said if she leaves him she will, “not have his baby.”
    CBS 21

    Starcasm says

    (Stutzman later spoke with Star magazine, so I wonder if the offer was from them and not TLC. Of course, she said nothing about Jeremiah’s criminal past and history with domestic violence, which would seem to be the only information she had worth that sort of money.)

    I’m guessing there’ll be some more coming out before long.

  14. 14
    StageMom
    Posted October 16, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    So wait, who was watching their kid while they filmed?

  15. 15
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 16, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    I know calling bullshit on this show’s like calling curly fur on a poodle dog.

    But I bet TLC made up that whole witchcraft story line because the girl’s Amish hats reminded 1 of the producers of their costume when their high school drama class did The Crucible.

    If they don’t even know anorexia’s a sickness I doubt they know the vocabulary word of telekinesis. Much less sit around having conversations about it.

    The Amish at the sex museum part needs to get the Emmy award for stupidest scene in a semi scripted fake reality show.

    To me it sounded like Abe said he got “blow in the dark condoms.” Even playing it back 3 or 4 times. I think he meant “glow in the dark.” But you never know.

    Then his next line was this:

    I figure I’m going to have to wrap that stump before I hump so I might as well make it look good

  16. 16
    rebecca pressley
    Posted October 17, 2012 at 6:02 am

    I thought it was just me that was “lost” this episode.

  17. 17
    Reality Junkie
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Idk why I keep watching this show! I’m secretly hoping a producer will jump out and say ‘hahahaha!! Just kiddin Ya’ll!!’ this episode made little to no sense, to say the least. They should’ve named it After leaving the Amish these Fools are still Fools… What a trainwreck!

  18. 18
    SarahRita
    Posted October 19, 2012 at 11:34 am

    I am so confused by this show. I mean it is so obviously fake, and there are so many holes in the story lines that I just don’t understand why the producers would air the show. Did they know about all the arrests, marriages/divorces, babies etc…? But I will keep watching it because I feel like at any moment Ashton Kutcher is going to come out and its going to be just one big long episode of Punk’d lol.

  19. 19
    SarahRita
    Posted October 19, 2012 at 11:39 am

    O and another thing…what the hell happened to Rebecca’s teeth…

  20. 20
    ecthelion
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    What confused me is that they said that Sabrina’s mom died surrounded by pictures of Sabrina, right? So unless after throwing their baby in the dumpster they did a “Baby in Trash” photo-op then where did she get all those pictures of her? I mean, if they truly were sociopaths and really did leave a live child in the dumpster they would not know where she ended up, what she was named, etc, etc so how did they “track” her to get all the pics for the “Death-bed Mosaic”? And I didn’t even watch this episode, but now I will have to catch it on Demand, you’ve all made it too tempting to pass up. Weird to say the least.

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