The kids approach a post-makeover Kate about her eating habits. Then, the confrontations moves over to Sabrina. Jeremiah’s jealousy comes to a head about Sabrina texting a few different dudes. He thinks that texting equals whoring around. Sabrina justifies her behavior by saying that if she were a slut, she would be sleeping with all the dudes in New York. That wouldn’t make you a slut, Sabrina. That would make you a champion. A champion hobag, but a champion nonetheless.
Mmmmm…I loves me a feisty Puerto Rican girl.
Abe, with a pocket full of blood money, heads back to get the ring and asks if it will come in a little box. No way. They put it in a bento box full of old, dried up rice. It’s more romantic that way.
The recipient of the scary movie music this episode is Sabrina, who shares with us that her birth parents were drug addicts who dumped her in the garbage where she was found a few days later. That’s nice. And you want to meet these gems so that you can learn what it’s like to be Puerto Rican? How about instead of going to a sex museum, you go to a Puerto Rican cultural center? She visits the PI who successfully dug up dirt on her bios. She learns her mom died in 2005 surrounded by pictures of Sabrina. She also receives addresses and phone numbers for her father and paternal grandma. So, did her parents really literally throw her away or was that all made up? I’m curious, because I couldn’t imagine claiming to love and miss a child I put into a dumpster.
I can’t wait to meet the people who threw my innocent infant body into a dumpster so they could go smoke crack in peace.
Kate attends her very first photo shoot and I’m surprised by their indifference to her skin. Tyra would chastise her about her Maci Bookout-style skin. She does a set in a frilly gown and one in a bikini. Throughout, she tells us how her family just wouldn’t understand and her dad would lecture her about showing skin. She really confuses me, but I’ll admit that she seems like a decent model.
I’m going to wager a guess that this isn’t her first modeling shoot.
The kids meet up for lunch where Jeremiah is so angry he can’t even get drunk. So, to negate this, Sabrina and Kate vow to get wasted together. Rebecca bails, because she can’t stand drunks. Kate chases Rebecca, Abe, and Jeremiah out to the street to question why they’re such buzzkills. Kate tells them their problem is that they don’t understand that you don’t have to drink to have a good time. Abe astutely points out that IS their point, but that neither she nor Sabrina seems to understand what that means. Jeremiah shares that he doesn’t want to get drunk with them anymore, because they get all Snookie and Deena wasted.
Something tells me one of them is going to get all “mommish” on everyone and have all the fat sucked out of her face while the other will pee on a dance floor and get pregnant.