Abe isn’t so hot on the idea of gambling, because he didn’t leave the Amish to spit in the face of it. He wanted his freedom, but still remain respectful. I can respect that, har har.
Then Rebecca gets upset that all they talk about is money. Money money money. Well, dear, welcome to MARRIAGE! Money is the #1 cause of divorce (I cited that from the Encyclopaedia Sugarbush so you know it’s legit). Abe offers up an elopement, but I think it’s a wee bit too late. Just because you don’t go through with it doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay for it.
Back at the hotel, Jeremiah brings gross things in a black plastic bag. There are blow-up dolls and many phallic items. Kate, being the better friend of the three, knows that Rebecca and Abe aren’t going to be too excited about this stuff. Meanwhile, Rebecca and Abe are getting a couple’s massage. Abe tells Rebecca that he hopes to have his PBR in the next 5 years. For your information, because I’m sure you are all “huh???” like me, that would be a Professional Bullrider’s License. I thought he was going to be a stuntman. This kid is unreal.
This male sex doll doesn’t look anything like you do naked. Which I may know, but shouldn’t ever give you the impression that I like you at all.
At the casino, Jeremiah and Abe go for a man-to-man chat. Abe tells Jeremiah that he could have told him he was getting played by Sabrina, but that he knew he wouldn’t listen to him if he told him. Jeremiah just wants to tell Harry the Turd his clever line – “I always like giving my used toys to the less fortunate”. Ba-zinga!
I’m going into the comedy circuit. My one-liners could rival Dangerfield.
Jeremiah reveals there’s going to be another surprise for the bachelor party at which Abe is smart enough to cringe. One of the surprises is Abe’s pervy brother. Abe’s not very excited to see him, because he doesn’t want him risking a shunning for him. Rebecca tells us that she could have done without him, which tells me he probably likes to stare at her boobs. He definitely seems like that guy at the gym that likes to always make sure he has a view of your crotch when you’re on the thigh machines.
I know you love it when you can feel my eyes boring holes into your most private areas.
They make Abe and Rebecca wear all the stupid stuff that people make you wear when you’re getting married the next day. When they get back to the room, the blow-up dolls are humping each other and there are penises aplenty. It seems to bother them that Abe and Rebecca are scandalized by the decor, but it’s not like they didn’t know.
Don’t worry, I perfected this move with Jeremiah for whom I absolutely have no feelings.