Breaking Amish Recap: Hell’s (Wedding) Bells

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Monday, November 5, 2012 | 10:00 pm | 12 Comments
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Posted in: Breaking Amish, Recaps

Abe isn’t so hot on the idea of gambling, because he didn’t leave the Amish to spit in the face of it.  He wanted his freedom, but still remain respectful.  I can respect that, har har.

Then Rebecca gets upset that all they talk about is money.  Money money money.  Well, dear, welcome to MARRIAGE!  Money is the #1 cause of divorce (I cited that from the Encyclopaedia Sugarbush so you know it’s legit).  Abe offers up an elopement, but I think it’s a wee bit too late.  Just because you don’t go through with it doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay for it.

Back at the hotel, Jeremiah brings gross things in a black plastic bag.  There are blow-up dolls and many phallic items.  Kate, being the better friend of the three, knows that Rebecca and Abe aren’t going to be too excited about this stuff.  Meanwhile, Rebecca and Abe are getting a couple’s massage.  Abe tells Rebecca that he hopes to have his PBR in the next 5 years.  For your information, because I’m sure you are all “huh???” like me, that would be a Professional Bullrider’s License.  I thought he was going to be a stuntman.  This kid is unreal.

This male sex doll doesn’t look anything like you do naked.  Which I may know, but shouldn’t ever give you the impression that I like you at all.

At the casino, Jeremiah and Abe go for a man-to-man chat.  Abe tells Jeremiah that he could have told him he was getting played by Sabrina, but that he knew he wouldn’t listen to him if he told him.  Jeremiah just wants to tell Harry the Turd his clever line – “I always like giving my used toys to the less fortunate”.  Ba-zinga!

I’m going into the comedy circuit.  My one-liners could rival Dangerfield.

Jeremiah reveals there’s going to be another surprise for the bachelor party at which Abe is smart enough to cringe.  One of the surprises is Abe’s pervy brother.  Abe’s not very excited to see him, because he doesn’t want him risking a shunning for him.  Rebecca tells us that she could have done without him, which tells me he probably likes to stare at her boobs.  He definitely seems like that guy at the gym that likes to always make sure he has a view of your crotch when you’re on the thigh machines.

I know you love it when you can feel my eyes boring holes into your most private areas.

They make Abe and Rebecca wear all the stupid stuff that people make you wear when you’re getting married the next day.  When they get back to the room, the blow-up dolls are humping each other and there are penises aplenty.  It seems to bother them that Abe and Rebecca are scandalized by the decor, but it’s not like they didn’t know.  

Don’t worry, I perfected this move with Jeremiah for whom I absolutely have no feelings.

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

12 Comments

  1. 1
    alice
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    looks like someone……….is a Mennonite slut …lots like Sabrina needed a bedwarmer in newyork and now after leaving she has another bedwarmer and this one is ready to kill anyone who touches he’s slut..
    now its going to be time for a fake wedding….and afterward a fake honeymoon…abe bangs his wife for the first time “again”..they’ll need a babysitter to care for their real child..in this show kate seemed normal..that hotel their staying in got me to wondering…..who’s paying for all this..oprah???
    theres too much money being tossed around…kate pays for dinner for her moncho man date??? what??

  2. 2
    eyediosmio eyediosmio
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 7:23 am

    For some of these kids, they have major PK syndrome (the pastor’s kid who wants to rebel, but does so VERY badly). Jeremiah is a sleaze.

  3. 3
    ellemenop
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 9:27 am

    “Kate is in NY and goes out on a date with a guy who thinks shirt buttons are purely ornamental.” — hahaha! that almost made me spit coffee on my laptop. that guy was a bigger tool than jeremiah. at least jeremiah is upfront about what a douche he is. this dude, just … wtf? and WHY did kate pay?! i get that she’s trying not to let him think she “owes” him anything, but, jesus, just LEAVE. if he thinks you owe him anything, too bad for him!

    harry the third is yet another dumbass. and he sounds like someone who will beat the shit out of his girlfriends, with his control freak issues. it seems like abe is the only “nice guy” on this show, even if he is a prude and can be a little judgmental. at least he remembers what rebecca looks like and isn’t threatening to kick her ex’s ass.

    tlc probably didn’t even have to pay for that suite. we get free rooms at harrah’s, caesar’s and showboat like every single months. my in-laws live in atlantic city, so we go down there a lot and when our friends use my husband’s points card to play like $3000 at the craps tables, we keep getting comped for rooms, lol. except no one should ever stay at harrah’s, because it is DISGUSTING. i’m not sure which one they stayed at, but the shots of ac had me cracking up because they made it look so clean and nice. hilarious!

    it does suck that they had the party with stuff rebecca could do, but then, there’s very little you can do for someone underage who is getting married. i’ve seen stuff like purse designing parties, but eh. short of a house party, it’s not fun for a bachelorette. when i got married my sister was 17, so i couldn’t invite her to my bachelorette party, which sucked. i guess at least they got the boardwalk embarrassment the next day. all i want to know is WHY wasn’t i around their filming here or when they were in AC? why?! why do i never get to see all the freakshows?! my life is so unfair.

    man, i can’t wait to see this final episode. though, like you, i also hope is the very last.

  4. 4
    mere2142
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 9:40 am

    I thought Abe wanted to be a pilot?

    So in the 30 days since NYC, Sabrina has managed to find and fall madly in love with Mush Mouth? Could that conversation between the two of them be any stranger? It’s sad that I think Jeremiah is actually a few steps above Harry the Turd!

    Great friends – let’s plan a party for Abe and Rebecca with all of the things they hate/can’t do. Way to go.

    And Kate saying her date was being disrespectful as compared to their meeting in the club? Really? I didn’t see any disrespect, just a dude looking for a free meal.

  5. 5
    Helena Handbasket
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Uhhh…not really comfortable with someone being called a slut because they slept with some guy twice…especially since she had been married before and isn’t expected to be a happy little virgin.

  6. 6
    ellemenop
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    agreed. i don’t really like the term slut anyway. it’s almost ALWAYS used to refer only to women, when men are often much more promiscuous. it’s bs.

  7. 7
    labowner
    Posted November 6, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    I’m starting to think this series is a Rorschach test.

  8. 8
    rebecca pressley
    Posted November 7, 2012 at 7:40 am

    I adopted my stepson when he was 5 years old, his birth mother left the little boy when he was 2 years old because “a child just didnt fit into her lifestyle”. Anway, he is 18 years old now, he knows all about the bio mom and has NO desire to see her or talk to her. She lives in Texas and we are in NC, so that is a good thing I guess. OH, she also owes my husband and the child $13,000 in back child support.

  9. 9
    rebecca pressley
    Posted November 8, 2012 at 6:04 am

    dont mean to sound mean, but Abe reminds of a little retarded boy that looks much older then he is

  10. 10
    Helena Handbasket
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 5:56 am

    Sugarbush, Sugarbush, are you OK?? What happened to our recaps?

  11. 11
    hot cawfee
    Posted December 3, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Hey– am I crazy or did I see a promo of a new Amish based reality show—-its called Amish Mafia

  12. 12
    labowner
    Posted December 3, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    http://dsc.discovery.com/tv-shows/amish-mafia/about-the-show/about-the-show.htm

    Here you are Hot

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