Breaking Amish Recap: Who’s Your Daddy?

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Monday, October 1, 2012 | 3:00 pm | 20 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Breaking Amish, Recaps

The manager brings over her sister to talk with Sabrina.  They’re thrilled to learn that Sabrina was adopted into the Mennonite culture, but wants to learn more about her half-PR side.  The sisters just so happen to be going shopping for new clothes and getting makeovers and wonder if Sabrina would like to come along.  That’s crazy!  What timing!

Jeremiah gets off the train in Queens to take his second driving lesson.  The instructor gives him the best driving lesson of all – don’t trust anyone on the road.  If they have their left signal on, expect that they’ll turn right.  If the light is red, expect them to treat it like it’s a green.  If you keep that all in mind, you’ll be a decent driver.  Expect that everyone else on the road is the worst driver on the planet, because they probably are. 

When Jeremiah goes to parallel park, he gets honked at by a van full of angry New Yorkers.  Instead of getting out, hackles up, and peeing on the road to mark his domain and establish dominance, he just gets out and yells at them to chill out and back off.  This guy is such a wannabe testosterone junkie. 

Abe and Rebecca meet out on the sidewalk for their romantic night of bodily functions as they head off to a Mexican restaurant.  Grab the Beano and Immodium, because it’s going to be a noisy and smelly night for two bellies completely (supposedly) unaccustomed to Mexican food.

Sabrina and Las Hermanas just waltz into a salon without an appointment and get a makeover done on Sabrina.  That’s just amazing that they were able to do this all unplanned.  She looks beautiful and she tells the stylist that he “rocks”.  Funny, we must have all picked that one up from the Mennonites.  I would have never thought they would say “you rock”, but I guess it makes sense…?

Suddenly, “La Cucaracha” starts to play while we see many Chinese images.  At first, I’m confused.  Then, I realize what’s going on.  They’ll still need the Immodium, but the Beano can go.  They’ve arrived at a Chinese restaurant supposedly believing it to be Mexican.  We shall see if I believe this ruse.

Yes, I think I’ll have the Sweet and Sour Menudo and the lady will have the Peking Duck Quesadillas.

Back at the surprise shopping spree, Sabrina is pointing out a lot of clothing she finds “like so hot”.  She checks out a pair of boots and I’m wondering who is footing this bill.  Oh, who am I kidding.  TBC is footing the bill. 

After disappearing into the fitting room, Sabrina waltzes out looking smoking hot in a t-shirt, booty shorts, and boots.  Then, Las Hermanas bring out the ghetto hoops to complete her PR transformation.  She looks beautiful, but I can’t help but know that she’s done this all before.

Omigod!  I look soooo hawt, y’all!

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

20 Comments

  1. 1
    Bobbi
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    This show is a freaken fake…..

  2. 2
    labowner
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    I have read it has been renamed The Lowbrow Channel. ;)

  3. 3
    Lizbot
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    @labowner – that sounds about right!

  4. 4
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    TBC is also perfect– the Bullshit Channel.

  5. 5
    ellemenop
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    i’m assuming you’ve never been to amish country — amish & mennonite restaurants are very popular with visitors. i haven’t been to lancaster in at least 10 years now (it’s a good three hours or so away), but i can wholeheartedly say that AMMISH FOOD IS DISGUSTING. i think i had some weird cucumber “salad” that made me want to throw up after one bite. but, yes, they have many a restaurant. they also sell their produce, canned products and baked goods all over the tri-state area (and i’m sure places like maryland, as well as wherever in the midwest they are). also not so great, but i remember kids from my high school (oddly, though, in miami, so i have NO idea where the hell these so-called amish where) were obsessed with amish cinnamon buns. gag.

    your caption of the mexican-chinese dining experience did get me thinking — burritos and quesadillas filled with chinese or indian food would probably be freakin’ good! i must now make myself a dal burrito asap (i know there was nothing about indian food, but i feel like it would be a good burrito filling now).

    even though this show is fake, it IS amazing how hot sabrina is in real clothes when she looks soooo dowdy in her mennonite costume (because it is clearly a costume for her at this point).

    and, on the subject of this show being fake, freakin’ hell, TLC (or, as you’ve more aptly dubbed it, TBC), have SOME dignity — that “what’s texting?” line made me want to throw something. stfu.

    i hate this show and yet i keep watching. why, why?!

  6. 6
    teazer
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    *clique

  7. 7
    alicecarroll13
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    if it was’nt for the fact the girls are kind of hot and im a 52 yr old guy drooling for sabrina in those shorts…..i would’nt watching this dumb fake show…and whats up with all the tlc shows doing bonus shows??? wtf???
    first i see honey boo boo child and now this show whats next…bonus sisterwifes..what are they going show as a bonus….the sister wifes visiting the pope or sisterwifes wet and wild….!!!!

  8. 8
    NMH
    Posted October 1, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    This was hilarious! Just watched the first epi I had missed and was treated to Abe’s sister. Love how the camera kept panning to her during mealtime. She seemed like she might have had her teeth pulled too so maybe Abe’s not freaked out by Rebekah and her dentures.

  9. 9
    Helena Handbasket
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 4:30 am

    I admit I have not done my due diligence in researching these people, but I do wonder when the show was filmed…is it possible that Abe and Rebecca got together and had their baby AFTER it was filmed? As for Jeremiah, he’s just a douche…I’m not looking for any excuses for him whatsoever.

  10. 10
    eyediosmio Eyediosmio
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 6:21 am

    @ellemenop: In SW Miami Dade there is a Mennonite community, I believe, and they run a Farmer’s Market that is VERY popular and yes – the Cinnamon Buns are to die for. Huge, fresh, and full of yummy goodness.

    This show is strange, but if they’ve been on rumspringa before, then perhaps they’ve experienced these things.
    There’s a better show on History Channel or something, where they follow people who really did leave the community, and its slow moving and not very exciting – but enlightening. I dont know the name of it, too lazy to google.
    Also, i read somewhere once they routinely pull teenage girls teeth to make them unattractive so they won’t be getting the sexy on.

  11. 11
    ellemenop
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 7:20 am

    @helena handbasket — there is absolutely no way this was filmed that long ago.

    @eyediosmio — go figure. i grew up in pinecrest and went to private school in coral gables until i made my parents let me transfer to palmetto in 12th grade. it was my private school people who were obsessed with the cinnamon buns. i never tried them, but they looked scary. then again, i don’t eat anyone’s cinnamon buns. i also had had some experience with amish food when we were in new jersey for 7th grade (i don’t know why my dad got transferred to nyc for just one year, and then again when i was going to start 12th, but my mom stayed with us so i could finish high school down there), and we’d taken a charmin’ ol’ trip to lancaster, and anything involving food made by the amish made me gag. i also went up to davie/ft. lauderdale more because we went to shows and this bangin’ vegan restaurant up there. anyway! thanks for clarifying; i always wondered where the hell these things were coming from.

  12. 12
    Helena Handbasket
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 8:59 am

    My bad – I don’t know how old their kid is.

  13. 13
    TurtleGirl93 TurtleGirl93
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    @Helena, the show was filmed earlier this year according to multiple reports, but I haven’t seen anything ‘official’ from TLC. I think the kid is at least a year old by now; the photo that is circulating was posted on Abe’s brother Andy’s FB page in 2011.

    How many more episodes are there? Does anyone know?

  14. 14
    ellemenop
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    @turtlegirl93 — i don’t know how many episodes there are, but i’m hoping it won’t get renewed, or i’ll probably continue to watch it, lol.

  15. 15
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    I believe there are 9 episodes, so we should have 5 left. Hopefully TBC won’t wait until the final episode to clue us all in on the bullshit excuses.

    I did stumble upon a documentary I watched a few years ago called “Devil’s Playground” which is about kids on Rumspringa. I think that one was pretty legit. It seems as though in some communities, Rumspringa can last for years and the kids aren’t held to any customs or requirements as long as they haven’t been baptized into the religion/community/lifestyle yet. Of course, I doubt that counts for Jeremiah, the 32-Year-Old Man-Boy, but at least it gives us some basis for pretending this is for real.

  16. 16
    Renee
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Who is the singer of the song La Cucaracha in this episode? I can’t find it anywhere.

  17. 17
    rebecca pressley
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    Was it ever told WHY they get their teeth pulled at such a young age?

  18. 18
    ellemenop
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    @reecca pressley — i think because they don’t have dental care or prevention … they probably NEED them pulled in many cases. i have TERRIBLE teeth, genetically, and even with the bazillions of dollars that have been paid to dentists on my behalf, i’ve had about 9 root canals, beginning at age 15. so i would absolutely be totally toothless by 20 with no preventative dental care.

  19. 19
    rebecca pressley
    Posted October 10, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    why was beccas teeth pulled??

  20. 20
    Ken
    Posted October 22, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    Yup! Sabrina is definitely pretty hot in the shorts, boots, and t-shirt.

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