Breaking Amish Recap: Yes, This Show is Still Fake

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Friday, October 12, 2012 | 4:00 pm | 8 Comments
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Posted in: Breaking Amish, Recaps

The title of this episode is What is Really Happening?.  Unfortunately, this is a total misnomer as we are no closer to the truth of this series than we were last week.

So, due to the scandals of this supposed reality show, I’ve done some research.  We can definitely explain away the language and behavior of these kids.  Rumspringa usually begins at 16 and ends in the mid- to late-twenties or until they marry.  During this period, they can do whatever they want on the weekends with no supervision.  That all makes sense.  Of course, we still need the fact that Abe has a baby with either Rebecca or a Rebecca look-a-like with a snaggletooth and Jeremiah and Sabrina are both divorcees.  So, let’s see if TBC can explain that part of the scandal.

We begin watching Stomp in a skeevy park of town.  After the show, they feel they are accosted by raging drug addicts.  It’s just some people who may or may not be wasted doing silly things for the sake of the camera.  So, they move on to a restaurant to discuss what sucks about being Amish.  Rebecca starts out with the idea that there aren’t too many forks in the Amish family tree.  Jeremiah and Sabrina have heard rumors of men being caught screwing their women in the hospital immediately after childbirth.  That reminds me of the time I was in the OR right after they pulled my son from my belly.  My husband looks at me, waggles his eyebrows, and says, “Hey, we can do it now.”  Really?  Wow.  He’s lucky I was sedated. 

I’m not saying that I think it’s GROSS, because I would totally do that, too.

Kate is getting offended that everyone is bashing the Amish lifestyle.  Abe just wants people to know that Amish people are human just like everyone else and not saints like the English tend to believe.  Kate gets really upset, because she clearly loves the Amish lifestyle what with her strong desires to pose nude in a magazine and get drunk and drive around town.  Jeremiah thinks that she’s here to run away from her troubles rather than to have an experience.  I think they’re all here to kick off a modeling or acting career. 

Guys, seriously.  I don’t like disrespecting the Amish culture, hence the reason I’m on this show exploiting it.

Rebecca and Abe go to Central Park and take a Hansom cab ride.  They take this as a moment to discuss their secrets.  Rebecca apparently grew up knowing her father, but not knowing that he was her father.  That’s nice. 

Jeremiah takes Abe to a new place.  A titty bar.  Abe wants to leave, because he feels he’d be disrespectful to Rebecca.  Jeremiah tells him to “sit the fuck down”.  Will someone please punch Jeremiah in the face?  This is a perfect example of a scrawny guy thinking he’s a badass who really needs a hearty ass kicking.  Jeremiah is upset that Abe doesn’t want to hang out with him at the titty bar.  He says that he thought Abe was “more of a man than that”.  Yeah, it takes a big man to go to a nudie club.  Then Jeremiah throws out the Sugarbush Kryptonite.  “Bros before hoes.”  Oh, how I hate that phrase.  I have an ex who used to say that, hence the “ex” part.  Anyone who goes around thinking that all women are hoes are doomed to be dicks forever.

Strip club: the closest to titties you’ll ever get.

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

8 Comments

  1. 1
    ellemenop
    Posted October 12, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    “The girls do one smart thing while they’re drunk – they start to beat the shit out of Jeremiah with their purses.” — bahahaha. so true.

  2. 2
    alicecarroll13
    Posted October 12, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    next week we might see abe break into Rebecca’s toybox “the second time”..bet he knocks her up and then next season we’ll see their real child!!
    hey tlc!!!! are you going rated xxxx with the strip bar..hope no children were watching this..

  3. 3
    Wasabipeas wasabipeas
    Posted October 13, 2012 at 7:48 am

    I don’t get this show at all. What is the point? Are they reenacting their stories, or is it all made up? I don’t understaaaaaaaaaaaaand!!!!

  4. 4
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 13, 2012 at 9:00 am

    @Sugarbush You’re doing a great job on this mess. Specially having to do double duty. But if TLC does anything like this again I think Sonja from RHNY should loan Tvgasm 1 of her interns. To do the research part. And the recapper’s laundry.

    The stupidest part is their actual stories would make so much better tv. And with more than enough drama. TLC had to know it would all get out. Which makes me suspicious they did it on purpose.

    Another thing about their real stories. I think like 2 of them are adopted. And Rebecca had a single mom. So it’s got me wondering. Do Amish people make a distinction? To where they might’ve been treated differently?

  5. 5
    labowner
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 11:18 am

    “I also remember when Mr. Sugarbush and I were dating and he said that he didn’t want me to go home, because he wanted to wake up next to me. He didn’t want to have sex, he just wanted me there beside him. Once upon a time, he was sweet. Now, it’s all guilt and whining.”

    “if my husband ever ordered me to do anything, he would have to go on a scavenger hunt to find his balls.”

    Sugarbush, thanks for the sweet incites into your life and the laughs in this recap. I know it’s reality, but someone should still care about the finished product.

  6. 6
    Terrence
    Posted October 17, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    I’m not a woman and haven’t been…down there before, but was taken aback by the comment about getting it on after giving birth. I would think a gal would need a little more time to recover but I guess he had to have it lol.

    Yeah that was so not polite dinner conversation.

    As far as the “scandal”. I don’t know with reality shows I try to suspend disbelief. The shot in the theme song with Abe jumping on the trampoline while wearing his Amish suit is still hilarious to me. I just saw an Amish walking down the street in DC by the Capitol building so I guess they like to go sightseeing like the rest of us.

  7. 7
    ellemenop
    Posted October 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    @terrence — uhhh … i’ve never had a baby, but if my husband tried to have sex with me at the hospital after i delivered, he would have to have a death wish. i don’t think most (any???) women would take too well to that situation.

  8. 8
    bakedgoodsinnyc
    Posted May 20, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    they’ve already exposed the actors on the show at this site:

    http://www.breakingamishfake.com

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