The title of this episode is What is Really Happening?. Unfortunately, this is a total misnomer as we are no closer to the truth of this series than we were last week.
So, due to the scandals of this supposed reality show, I’ve done some research. We can definitely explain away the language and behavior of these kids. Rumspringa usually begins at 16 and ends in the mid- to late-twenties or until they marry. During this period, they can do whatever they want on the weekends with no supervision. That all makes sense. Of course, we still need the fact that Abe has a baby with either Rebecca or a Rebecca look-a-like with a snaggletooth and Jeremiah and Sabrina are both divorcees. So, let’s see if TBC can explain that part of the scandal.
We begin watching Stomp in a skeevy park of town. After the show, they feel they are accosted by raging drug addicts. It’s just some people who may or may not be wasted doing silly things for the sake of the camera. So, they move on to a restaurant to discuss what sucks about being Amish. Rebecca starts out with the idea that there aren’t too many forks in the Amish family tree. Jeremiah and Sabrina have heard rumors of men being caught screwing their women in the hospital immediately after childbirth. That reminds me of the time I was in the OR right after they pulled my son from my belly. My husband looks at me, waggles his eyebrows, and says, “Hey, we can do it now.” Really? Wow. He’s lucky I was sedated.
I’m not saying that I think it’s GROSS, because I would totally do that, too.
Kate is getting offended that everyone is bashing the Amish lifestyle. Abe just wants people to know that Amish people are human just like everyone else and not saints like the English tend to believe. Kate gets really upset, because she clearly loves the Amish lifestyle what with her strong desires to pose nude in a magazine and get drunk and drive around town. Jeremiah thinks that she’s here to run away from her troubles rather than to have an experience. I think they’re all here to kick off a modeling or acting career.
Guys, seriously. I don’t like disrespecting the Amish culture, hence the reason I’m on this show exploiting it.
Rebecca and Abe go to Central Park and take a Hansom cab ride. They take this as a moment to discuss their secrets. Rebecca apparently grew up knowing her father, but not knowing that he was her father. That’s nice.
Jeremiah takes Abe to a new place. A titty bar. Abe wants to leave, because he feels he’d be disrespectful to Rebecca. Jeremiah tells him to “sit the fuck down”. Will someone please punch Jeremiah in the face? This is a perfect example of a scrawny guy thinking he’s a badass who really needs a hearty ass kicking. Jeremiah is upset that Abe doesn’t want to hang out with him at the titty bar. He says that he thought Abe was “more of a man than that”. Yeah, it takes a big man to go to a nudie club. Then Jeremiah throws out the Sugarbush Kryptonite. “Bros before hoes.” Oh, how I hate that phrase. I have an ex who used to say that, hence the “ex” part. Anyone who goes around thinking that all women are hoes are doomed to be dicks forever.
Strip club: the closest to titties you’ll ever get.