Breaking Amish Recap: Yes, This Show is Still Fake

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Friday, October 12, 2012 | 4:00 pm | 8 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Breaking Amish, Recaps

Abe sits out in the lobby while Jeremiah gets endless lap dances from two chicks.  He’s wasted and tells us about his boner.  He lectures Abe on the cab ride home about how you don’t let women control your life and once you get married, it’s over.  That would explain his divorce. 

Back at home, Abe tells Rebecca about the strip club and that he refused to go in there out of respect for her.  That makes her smile and, if this were a real situation, I would think that’s super sweet.  I also remember when Mr. Sugarbush and I were dating and he said that he didn’t want me to go home, because he wanted to wake up next to me.  He didn’t want to have sex, he just wanted me there beside him.  Once upon a time, he was sweet.  Now, it’s all guilt and whining.

Sabrina goes to her first day of work where she’s handed a big menu that she must memorize.  She’s having a hard time pronouncing Spanish words and has to start serving people.  She attends to one table where they are only speaking Spanish.  They chastise her for not speaking Spanish while working in a Spanish restaurant.  I’m pretty sure that no one speaks Chinese at Pei Wei or Italian at Olive Garden.  She tells them several times that she doesn’t speak Spanish, but they continue though it’s clear they speak English as their primary language.  That means that a) they’re assholes, and b) the producers told them to do that.

Wait…I’m on a reality show.  That means that my job is just for show.  Stop giving me real assignments.

Jeremiah heads out to Queens for his road test.  He has a female instructor today, so this should be trouble.  She perches her water bottle on the console instead of the cup holder and then berates him each time it falls over.  I’d think she was an ass if I didn’t hate Jeremiah so much.  He confirms this feeling by telling the instructor that he “and the bitches don’t get along”.  You know, for a guy who looks like he’s wearing bubba teeth from the candy machine he sure thinks a lot of himself.  He passes.  Whoopity-doo.

The kids now head out to an Italian street fair where they get chair massages from Asian people.  Sounds Italian to me!  Then, someone hollers “Snookie” as Sabrina strolls by.  That would be funny if she looked or acted anything like Snookie.  And they all know who Snookie is, which is worse.  The evil that is Jersey Shore has penetrated even the Amish and Mennonite communities. 

They go to eat dinner and Kate and Sabrina immediately jump into a huge bottle of wine.  They quickly turn into the loud drunk chicks, which embarrasses the rest of the table.  The girls do one smart thing while they’re drunk – they start to beat the shit out of Jeremiah with their purses.  Jeremiah, being the genius that he is, approaches them again only to get slammed by a plate of Tiramisu right in the face.  He bolts to the production van to wipe off his face while Sabrina gives the drunk apology – “Gosh!  I’ll never try to feed anyone Tiramisu again!”  Meanwhile, Kate is crying to the cameras about how they were only breaking his ribs with their purses out of love. 

Pages: 1 2 3 4
Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

8 Comments

  1. 1
    ellemenop
    Posted October 12, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    “The girls do one smart thing while they’re drunk – they start to beat the shit out of Jeremiah with their purses.” — bahahaha. so true.

  2. 2
    alicecarroll13
    Posted October 12, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    next week we might see abe break into Rebecca’s toybox “the second time”..bet he knocks her up and then next season we’ll see their real child!!
    hey tlc!!!! are you going rated xxxx with the strip bar..hope no children were watching this..

  3. 3
    Wasabipeas wasabipeas
    Posted October 13, 2012 at 7:48 am

    I don’t get this show at all. What is the point? Are they reenacting their stories, or is it all made up? I don’t understaaaaaaaaaaaaand!!!!

  4. 4
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 13, 2012 at 9:00 am

    @Sugarbush You’re doing a great job on this mess. Specially having to do double duty. But if TLC does anything like this again I think Sonja from RHNY should loan Tvgasm 1 of her interns. To do the research part. And the recapper’s laundry.

    The stupidest part is their actual stories would make so much better tv. And with more than enough drama. TLC had to know it would all get out. Which makes me suspicious they did it on purpose.

    Another thing about their real stories. I think like 2 of them are adopted. And Rebecca had a single mom. So it’s got me wondering. Do Amish people make a distinction? To where they might’ve been treated differently?

  5. 5
    labowner
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 11:18 am

    “I also remember when Mr. Sugarbush and I were dating and he said that he didn’t want me to go home, because he wanted to wake up next to me. He didn’t want to have sex, he just wanted me there beside him. Once upon a time, he was sweet. Now, it’s all guilt and whining.”

    “if my husband ever ordered me to do anything, he would have to go on a scavenger hunt to find his balls.”

    Sugarbush, thanks for the sweet incites into your life and the laughs in this recap. I know it’s reality, but someone should still care about the finished product.

  6. 6
    Terrence
    Posted October 17, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    I’m not a woman and haven’t been…down there before, but was taken aback by the comment about getting it on after giving birth. I would think a gal would need a little more time to recover but I guess he had to have it lol.

    Yeah that was so not polite dinner conversation.

    As far as the “scandal”. I don’t know with reality shows I try to suspend disbelief. The shot in the theme song with Abe jumping on the trampoline while wearing his Amish suit is still hilarious to me. I just saw an Amish walking down the street in DC by the Capitol building so I guess they like to go sightseeing like the rest of us.

  7. 7
    ellemenop
    Posted October 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    @terrence — uhhh … i’ve never had a baby, but if my husband tried to have sex with me at the hospital after i delivered, he would have to have a death wish. i don’t think most (any???) women would take too well to that situation.

  8. 8
    bakedgoodsinnyc
    Posted May 20, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    they’ve already exposed the actors on the show at this site:

    http://www.breakingamishfake.com

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.