Breaking Amish Recap: Yes, This Show is Still Fake

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Friday, October 12, 2012 | 4:00 pm | 8 Comments
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Posted in: Breaking Amish, Recaps

Jeremiah tells Sabrina that he has a problem with Kate not admitting that she has a drinking problem.  I have a problem with him not admitting that he has a douchebag problem.  So, Kate and Sabrina feel that the best thing to do now that they’re both wasted and the mood is turning sour to talk about stuff that upsets them.  Kate tells Sabrina that Jeremiah told her that he hasn’t liked her since day 1.  This deeply offends Sabrina only because she’s blitzed.  She storms off to give Jeremiah a piece of her wine-soaked mind.  Instead of Sabrina saying anything, Kate takes over and asks him what is his problem.  Sabrina offers Jeremiah the chance to beat her with her bag to call it even, but Jeremiah says he doesn’t play that shit.  What, so you’re just a verbal abuser?  What a man.

Abe already wants to propose marriage to Rebecca, so first he needs to get a job.  First stop, stunt school.  Yes, that’s what I said…stunt school.  Abe climbs up the immense height of half a story and brags to the trainers about his love of heights.  He takes his incredible 4 foot leap off the platform and down to the airbag that is covering the entire floor.  He tells us of the trust you must have to take such a dive. 

The kids head out to Brooklyn Bridge.  Some chick who has trouble riding a bike decides it’s a great idea to ride it on a crowded bridge.  When she can’t pedal off, she elbows Rebecca in the boob.  The kids get really upset over this.  I can’t really blame them, because the girl didn’t bother to say she was sorry.  I’m a stickler for manners and hate, hate, hate when people run into you and don’t bother to say “excuse me” or “I’m sorry”.  This is why I hate Wal-Mart.  Bargain basement prices are hard to enjoy when you’re doing your best to not pick up the nearest clearance item and beat the ever-loving tar out of the chick that just tried to mow down your 4 year old with her cart.

Kate apologizes to Jeremiah for her previous night’s behavior.  He feels her apology came with an attitude, so he’s not going to accept it.  He doesn’t tell her that, but he tells us.  I’m not her biggest fan, but I don’t think she had an attitude at all. 

The girls decide they’re going to go get pampered to calm down their stress.  The intense, serious music begins as they get their mani/pedis.  Such a dramatic moment worthy of such dramatic music.  Their first stop after the pedis is to get their bushes waxes.  Rebecca no longer feels like a worn-out hag and Sabrina gets excited to meet a gay man for the first time.  She’s totally surprised to learn that this gay man is completely normal.  He tells her that there are gays in her own community, but they are terrified to come out.  They tell him that they are there, but that they would either be sent to rehab or to the nuthouse.  It’s like being a Baptist!

Oh, it’s going to happen.  You know Dr. Drew has no integrity left.

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

8 Comments

  1. 1
    ellemenop
    Posted October 12, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    “The girls do one smart thing while they’re drunk – they start to beat the shit out of Jeremiah with their purses.” — bahahaha. so true.

  2. 2
    alicecarroll13
    Posted October 12, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    next week we might see abe break into Rebecca’s toybox “the second time”..bet he knocks her up and then next season we’ll see their real child!!
    hey tlc!!!! are you going rated xxxx with the strip bar..hope no children were watching this..

  3. 3
    Wasabipeas wasabipeas
    Posted October 13, 2012 at 7:48 am

    I don’t get this show at all. What is the point? Are they reenacting their stories, or is it all made up? I don’t understaaaaaaaaaaaaand!!!!

  4. 4
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 13, 2012 at 9:00 am

    @Sugarbush You’re doing a great job on this mess. Specially having to do double duty. But if TLC does anything like this again I think Sonja from RHNY should loan Tvgasm 1 of her interns. To do the research part. And the recapper’s laundry.

    The stupidest part is their actual stories would make so much better tv. And with more than enough drama. TLC had to know it would all get out. Which makes me suspicious they did it on purpose.

    Another thing about their real stories. I think like 2 of them are adopted. And Rebecca had a single mom. So it’s got me wondering. Do Amish people make a distinction? To where they might’ve been treated differently?

  5. 5
    labowner
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 11:18 am

    “I also remember when Mr. Sugarbush and I were dating and he said that he didn’t want me to go home, because he wanted to wake up next to me. He didn’t want to have sex, he just wanted me there beside him. Once upon a time, he was sweet. Now, it’s all guilt and whining.”

    “if my husband ever ordered me to do anything, he would have to go on a scavenger hunt to find his balls.”

    Sugarbush, thanks for the sweet incites into your life and the laughs in this recap. I know it’s reality, but someone should still care about the finished product.

  6. 6
    Terrence
    Posted October 17, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    I’m not a woman and haven’t been…down there before, but was taken aback by the comment about getting it on after giving birth. I would think a gal would need a little more time to recover but I guess he had to have it lol.

    Yeah that was so not polite dinner conversation.

    As far as the “scandal”. I don’t know with reality shows I try to suspend disbelief. The shot in the theme song with Abe jumping on the trampoline while wearing his Amish suit is still hilarious to me. I just saw an Amish walking down the street in DC by the Capitol building so I guess they like to go sightseeing like the rest of us.

  7. 7
    ellemenop
    Posted October 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    @terrence — uhhh … i’ve never had a baby, but if my husband tried to have sex with me at the hospital after i delivered, he would have to have a death wish. i don’t think most (any???) women would take too well to that situation.

  8. 8
    bakedgoodsinnyc
    Posted May 20, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    they’ve already exposed the actors on the show at this site:

    http://www.breakingamishfake.com

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