Sorry for the super-delay of getting this recap up. I jumped the fence myself (bought my first house) and will never do it again. I’ve been very good and didn’t murder a single person. Because of that, I am free to watch TV for you. So, let us begin…
Bear with me here, because this is just the introductory episode, which means it’s just a lot of information. We start out the series with a preview of this season with tons of dramatic music and ominous tones. We get to see one girl cry about going to hell, a guy terrified of the bishop’s wife, a father shunning his daughter, and a girl getting a DUI. So, this is bound to be your typical reality show.
First up is Rebecca who has a lovely, angelic face juxtaposed with a burly voice.
“My darlin’, Iiii can’t get enough of your love, baaaaaby!”
We start out with Rebecca washing the laundry in a tub at 5AM, to which I cry, “fuuuuuuck that!” She introduces us to the outhouse – give me a moment while I retch. They aren’t allowed to have phones in their homes, so she shows us the phone house at the edge of the property. They have a china cabinet that houses the hopes and dreams of each household member. I see a lot of tacky china and collectible spoons – big, big dreams.
Rebecca tells us that leaving the community is called “jumping the fence”, which is exactly what she’s about to do.
Next, we have Abe, who is also Amish. Abe and his gang like to jump on trampolines in their rare spare time. I’d be lying if I said that I wouldn’t find hopping around on a trampoline loads of fun. However, I’m extremely out of shape and haven’t been near a trampoline in 15 years, so I’d probably break a hip.
Speaking of 15, that’s the age when Abe left schoolin’ for workin’. He believes his reading level is around that of a second grader. He left school, because he didn’t see that an education would help him chop wood. Abe introduces us to Momma, his sister, and his brother. They all look thrilled to be there and be filmed, which is completely against their religion, so we can see that this show is very respectful.
Abe says he hasn’t had fun in two years.
I’m totally surprised.
Abe tells his mom and sister that he’s leaving for New York. Momma tells him that he’s going to be shunned when he leaves, so she’s going to do everything in her power to try to stop him. She’s quite convincing, what this her firm voice and animated demeanor.
This is my sister. Her rules are no bras, no smiles, and no fun.
Kate is 24 and the bishop’s daughter, which means she’ll be the biggest slut. She looks like she’s plucked her eyebrows, wears makeup, and dyes her hair. If she doesn’t, then I hate her. When I’m not wearing makeup and have my hair pulled back…so, every moment of my life, basically…I look like an ugly 12-year-old boy with tits. I am jealous of every woman who can go around sans makeup and look pretty and feminine. Just sayin’.
I’ve been working on the “duck lips” pose for going out into the real world of Facebook and clubbing.