Burning Love Recap: An All Star Intro

Haley is a class act.

The next bachelorette to arrive is Veronica Mars! Well, okay, to be fair, Kristin Bell’s career has definitely morphed past VM, but we all loved her in that, right? By the way, did you ever see her sloth meltdown? Hilarious!

Anyway, Veronica Mars is playing Mandy, a darling veterinary assistant with a big attachment to the man upstairs. Revealing your strong faith so quickly is a bad move, Mandy.

Mark’s not going to be interested in a virgin
when he’s got a flock of fur to choose from.

Next up is the hometown hot chick that Mark Reynolds gave up to be an editor in The Proposal. That’s how I know her, but Malin Ackerman also has an extensive resume. I’m stunned at the quality of talent that has agreed to play in this farce. Anyway, Malin is Willow, a homeless girl who is simply grateful to be staying in the mansion.

After Mark tells her they have heat and running water,
she races inside without another word.

Titi (pronounced tee-tee) arrives next. She seems hot, sweet and has curves in all the right places. She entices Mark by telling him she hopes he likes nice things because she has a lot of money. Mark hasn’t heard a thing, he’s just adoring her rack so much he calls her titty.

I predict Titi will be in the finale.

Carly arrives next and shadow boxes with Mark while saying “what’s up, man!” Between that and her WNBA profession, I’m guessing Carly might have a little confusion as to her true sexual preference.

I bet Mark can relate to Carly, so she’ll stay awhile.

And what’s a dating show without a cougar? In walks the next contestant for Mark’s heart. Agnes is a spry 84 years old and introduces herself to Mark by giving him a history of how her family changed their name due to Jewish persecution during the second world war. Mark seems open to her. She’s another dental hygienist!

I can’t imagine Mark keeping her beyond tonight!

Sheera comes and goes before we even get to see her face. She exits the limo puking and is still puking when the bodyguards force her back into it. Guess Mark will only have to make four cuts this evening.

Lexi could be trouble. She’s got a crazed look in her eye and she can recite Mark’s social security number. She’s got stalker written all over her.

I guess she’s just intense, being a DA and all…

Next to arrive is Tamara P. She’s blind! She’s also the toe sucking girl from the 40 Year Old Virgin movie. I am loving this little webi gem. Anyway, Tamara taps her way to Mark with a walking stick but he has to bodily move her to be facing the right direction. She reminds Mark that love is blind … and so is she. After pawing over Mark’s face a-la Lionel Richie’s video Hello , and commenting that he has a big nose, Tamara sassily informs Mark that she won’t see him inside.

Mark isn’t thrilled

Destiny arrives next and dances her way down the walk to Mark. We don’t learn much about her other than her profession and that she loves to dance.

She looks like a good time, but could this girl be forgettable?

Next to arrive is Vivianne who seems to have a great sense of humor by arriving with signage. Mark laughs and says he loves the prop. It would appear Mark hasn’t quite yet realized that Vivianne is very pregnant. She tells Mark that she lives a very full life and just wants someone to share it with.

Seems like all she has to do is wait a few
more weeks and she’ll get her wish.